


Drop A Heart

by TheFabRosevest



Series: Death [3]
Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is..., The Pretty Reckless
Genre: Adoption, Ghosts, Kid Fic, M/M, Soul Bond, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 05:28:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 55,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFabRosevest/pseuds/TheFabRosevest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Kid!Fic</b><br/>Four years after Brendon first met Ryan, everything seems to be perfect, but then there’s a promise Ryan can’t break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drop A Heart

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah here's part three of the death series ;)  
> I added a few pictures of the places since I've been to fuerteventura

 

 

**Brendon’s POV**

Everything changed after Ryan got kidnapped and almost died.

First of all, he was happy. Finally.  
All of our problems were gone out of sudden. What more could I wish for?

Well, it got even better.

One year after that, I moved up and now I’m manager of the Starbucks I worked at. Yes, I’m really proud of myself.

After that, we moved into a bigger apartment. It has a guest room and even two bathrooms!

But it got better. Ryan started writing and his book got published. He’s making good money with that.

The book is about his story and what happened to him. He used other names, of course, but the story is pretty much the same.

Everyone think it’s fiction.

Ha Ha

Now, we don’t have to worry about money anymore to say the least and I think we’re pretty happy about how our lives turned out.

I don’t have to work so much anymore and usually I’m home in the afternoon.

Four years after I met Ryan and I can’t think of a life without him.

 

It’s a Friday and I can’t wait to get home. Since I have a car, the way takes me just ten minutes.

I park the car in the complex parking lot and get out. I lock the car and run over to the entrance and up the stairs till I’m standing in front of the apartment door. I get the key out and open the door.

When I walk inside the smell of spaghetti carbonara hits me immediately and I smile. Quietly, I walk into the kitchen where Ryan is cooking. Really? He’s totally playing wifey.

“Is there even one manly thing about you?” I ask as I wrap my arms around his waist from behind.

“Shut up” he laughs and turns around in my embrace. “You know you love it.”

“Well, I love that I get food when I come home.” I say and lean forward to kiss him.

“I love that my headache is gone now.” He says when I pull away.

“And it will be for the rest of the weekend.” I purr into his ear.

“You planned something. Should I worry?”

“No” I say with a smile and kiss him again.

“Alright, now sit down and eat.”  
“Yes, my housewife.”

He just rolls his eyes and hands me a plate before he sits down on front of his own.

“So how was your day?” he asks and starts to eat.

“Seriously, Ry. We are not an old married couple. Stop acting like we are.” I laugh and he just shakes his head with a smile.

“Tell me your plan. If it contains handcuffs then I don’t know if I will like it.” He jokes.

“That was once. I just wanted to try it. Stop joking about it.” I say seriously.

“Whatever”

“You will like it, I promise.” I say softly and he looks up at me and smiles.

“I know.”

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

“Where are you taking me?” I ask as I look out of the window.

“Stop asking.” Brendon says from his place behind the wheel.

I look over at him and glare at the stupid grin he’s wearing.

Slowly, I lean over so my lips are almost touching his ear.

“I bet I can make that stupid grin leave your face.” I purr.

“Oh really? How?” he asks, still with that grin.

“I could blow you right here in the car.”

“Talking dirty, huh? You’re getting better at it.”

“I hope so. I have enough time to practice while you’re at work.” I laugh and sit down again.

He laughs and I look out the window once again. We’re not in Vegas anymore, but in the desert.

“Are you trying to kidnap me?” I ask.

“Yes, now you know my plan.” He laughs. “I’m going to kidnap you and rape you in the desert where no one can hear you.”

“Oh, I see.”

I rest my head against the window and look up at the sky. Here, out of Vegas, you can see the stars perfectly and it looks beautiful.

“What’s that?” I hear Brendon say.

I look over at him and he’s staring at something on the road in front of us. I search for what he’s looking at and then I see it as well.

“Looks like there was an accident.” I say and Brendon just nods.

When we’re close enough, Brendon stops the car and we get out. Now I see it perfectly. There’s a big truck lying on its side and a small car drove a few feet into the desert. I would expect someone to yell for help or something, but it’s quiet.

“What should we do?” I ask and look over at Brendon.

“I’m going to call an ambulance.” He says and I just nod and look around.

My gaze rests on the car and I glance at Brendon before I walk towards it. When I’m close enough, I see that there are people inside. I turn quickly to see that Brendon is talking on the phone before I walk even closer till I’m right next to the car.

A man is sitting behind the steering wheel, his head leaning against the window. There’s blood all over his face and he doesn’t really look alive.

Next to him is a woman. A large wound is covering her forehead and her arm is completely red because of the blood.

“Fuck” I breathe out.

My gaze wanders to the backseat and something is in there. When I look closely I see that it is a child. Maybe it’s asleep or unconscious.

I take a step back and look over the car to Brendon. He’s walking over to the truck.

When something grabs my arm, a silent scream escapes me. I look down to see a bloody hand holding my wrist. The arm belongs to the woman. She tugs on my wrist carefully and I take a step towards her. She observes me for a moment. Her breathing is heavy and her eyes look unfocused.

“Are you an angel?” she whispers.

I swallow and shake my head. She stares at me for a while and then her hand falls down.

“Uhm, everything is going to be okay. We called the ambulance. They’re on their way.” I say frantically.

She just shakes her head.

“I’m not going to make it.” She says.

“You are.” I whine, but she just keeps shaking her head.

“What’s your name?”

“Ryan”

“Could you promise me something, Ryan?”

I nod and wait for her to go on. Carefully, she turns her head to look behind herself where the child is still asleep or whatever.

“Could you take care of Sam?”

“Uhm”

“Please. Promise me.”

“I- … I don’t- ”

I look at the boy sitting in the backseat and something inside me clicks into place.

“I promise.” I whisper.

“Thank you” she sighs.

“Ryan!”

I look up to see Brendon running towards me.

“Come here! They told me to get away from the car. It could explode any second.” He yells.

I stare at him for a second and then I move quickly. In one motion, I open the backseat and unbuckle the child’s belt. I grab it under the shoulders and press it against me. Then I start running towards Brendon and when I’m maybe five feet away from the car, it explodes.

I turn around to watch the now burning car with big eyes.

“Ryan!” Brendon yells behind me, but I’m not able to move.

He grabs my arm and pulls me further away.

We stand there frozen, watching the car burn.

After ten minutes of silence, Brendon turns towards me and motions to the child. I look down at it.

“I promised his mom to take care of him.” I say sadly.

Brendon nods and wraps his arms around me. I bury my face in his chest and let the tears fall. He rests his chin on top of my head and starts to stroke my head soothingly.

We stay like this till the child, Sam, starts to move between us.

I look down at him and he blinks at me, confusion in his eyes. As far as I can see, his hair is a light brown color and his eyes are bright green.

He looks around and his eyes seem to rest on the burning car.

“Mommy?” he asks and his tiny fists grip my shirt.

I want to say something, but I don’t know what. I have no idea how to act around kids.

In my frustration, I look over at Brendon. He just smiles sadly.

“She’s in heaven.” He says softly.

“Heaven? Like grandpa?” the small boy asks.

I look at Brendon again and he shrugs and nods at the boy.

“Daddy?” the kid asks and sobs. “Daddy with Mommy?”

He looks up at me and I nod. His gaze falls and rests on my shirt where his tiny hands still grip it.

“What about the truck driver?” I ask Brendon but he just shakes his head.

I nod and raise one hand to caress the boy’s head. My eyes wander over to the car again. It’s still burning like a bonfire.

“Come on.” Brendon says softly and wraps an arm around me to pull me away and towards our car.

Brendon opens the backseat door and looks at me expectantly. I nod and lean forward to place Sam on the seat. He looks up at us with big eyes.

“Who are you?” he asks.

“I’m Brendon and that’s Ryan.” Brendon says. “What’s your name?”

“Sam” the boy says and then he starts shaking.

“Oh, right. It’s cold out here. I’ll get the blanket out of the trunk.”

Brendon walks around the car and opens the trunk.

“How old are you?” I ask the boy and he holds three fingers up.

“three and a half” he says and lowers his hand again.

Brendon is back with the blanket. He covers Sam with it and smiles.

“Why didn’t Mommy and Daddy take me with them?” Sam asks and I smile sadly.

“Because you’re too young.” I say and look over at Brendon who smiles at me in awe.

“But … now I’m here all alone.”

“You’re not alone.” I promise.

When I hear another car approach, I look up and see an ambulance and a police car. They stop next to our car. A woman gets out of the police car and walks over to us.

“Natasha, hey.” Brendon greets her.

“Hey, what happened?” she asks.

I shoot Brendon a confused look and he leans over to me.

“She helped me to find you back then.”

“Oh, hey.”

She smiles.

“You have to be Ryan then.” She states and I nod. “Well, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Well, uhm … we were just driving out here and when we saw the car and the truck we got out and called the ambulance immediately.” Brendon explains.

“I went over to the car. A man and a woman were in there. The man was already dead, I think. The woman talked to me and she made me promise to take care of her son. Then the car exploded.” I say.

“Her son?” Natasha asks and we nod and step aside so she can look into the backseat. “Oh hello. Who are you?”

The boy looks at me as if waiting for permission to speak. I’m confused but I nod.

“Sam”

“How are you, Sam?”

The kid shrugs and snuggles into the blanket.

Natasha turns towards us again.

“Alright, I think this is over for you guys. You can go.” She says with a sigh.

“What about Sam?” I ask.

“I’m going to take him to the police office with me. Then we’re going to get him into a foster family or maybe an orphanage. Depends on how cooperative his relatives are.”

“Oh … okay” I say.

“Could you get him into my car already? I’m going to talk to the nurses.”

I nod and she walks off. I turn to look at Sam. He cuddles with the blanket and closed his eyes.

Carefully, I lift him up to carry him to the police car.

“Huh?”

I look down at him. His eyes are open and he stares up at me.

“You can sleep when you’re in the car.” I say.

“Where are we going?” he asks.

“You will get a new home and a new family.” I say and just then I think that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to tell him that.

“Are you going to be my new family?”

I place him in the backseat of the car and smile at him sadly.

“No”

“Why not? You told that lady that Mommy said you take care of me.”

“Ryan, come on.” I hear Brendon’s voice and look up at him.

I nod and walk over to him.

“I guess that kind of ruined the mood.” He says and takes one of my hands. “I just wanted to drive out here. You can see the stars to clearly when you’re not in Vegas.”

I nod and dare to look over my shoulder. Sam is still watching me with sad eyes.

“Ry, are you okay?”

I turn around again and nod.

“Come on, let’s go home then.” Brendon says and kisses me.

Then he pulls me over to our car.

I feel like an asshole.

 

*

 

I don’t talk on the whole drive home. Brendon is holding my hand, but other than that, there is nothing. My mind keeps me occupied.

I think about Sam and that he is right. I promised his mother, but what can I do?

Or did I already take care of him and that was it?

“Ryan?”

I look up to see that we’re already home.

“Is everything okay?”

I look over at Brendon and nod.

“I think I’m just tired and maybe a bit shocked. I mean, it doesn’t happen everyday that you see people die.” I whisper and he nods.

“Let’s get you into bed then.”

I nod and get out of the car. We walk into the building and climb the few stairs. Brendon unlocks the door and we get inside.

“I wish this evening would have been different.” Brendon says.

“It’s the thought that counts.” I whisper.

He smiles sadly and reaches out to pull me towards him by my waist.

“I know that you can’t get out of your head what happened and I know that you feel guilty because you left that boy behind.”

I nod and look away.

“Ryan, people die everyday. You can’t save everyone. And that kid? Natasha will find his relatives and he will live there. Everything will be okay.”

I nod again and sigh.

“Let’s just sleep.” I say and Brendon nods and takes my hand to lead me to the bedroom.

After I stripped down to my boxers, I crawl into bed without another word. A few seconds later, Brendon lies down next to me.

We just lie there, facing each other, for several minutes until Brendon speaks up.

“I can practically hear you thinking.” He whispers and I just shrug without looking at him.

When he reaches out to caress my cheek, I raise my gaze.

“Talk to me, Ry.” He says.

I sigh and turn my head to bury it in the pillow.

“I just feel like an asshole.” I mumble into the material.

“Why?”

“Because- ”

“Is it still because of that boy?”

I look up at him and nod.

Brendon just smiles warmly and reaches out to press me against him.

“I told you, you can’t save everyone. He will be okay. And anyway, what would you have done? It’s not like he could live with us.”

“Why not?”

“Ry, come on. Think logically.”

“I do. I’m home all day. It wouldn’t be a problem.”

He moves away so he can look me in the eyes.

“Please tell me that you’re kidding. That is not an option, Ry. We can’t raise a child. You don’t even know how to deal with one.”

“Most parents don’t know that as well.” I mumble with a pout.

“I’m not saying this to offend you. I’m just stating the facts.”

“Whatever”

I roll onto my side so he’s facing my back.

I hear him sigh and then he moving his hand over my back.

“Ry, don’t act like this.” He whispers. “Please”

“I want to sleep.”

Another sigh.

“Alright. I love you.”

“I know … I love you too.” I breathe out and close my eyes.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

The first thing I notice when I wake up is that I’m alone.

I frown and look next to me were Ryan usually is. He never wakes up before me. That just doesn’t happen.

“Ryan?” I ask but I don’t get an answer.

Slowly, I get up and get off the bed to stumble out of the room.

When I walk into the kitchen, Ryan is sitting on the table with a mug in his hands.

“Ry, what the fuck? Come back to bed.” I groan with a look at the clock.

It’s just nine in the morning and that’s way too early for us to be out of bed already.

He turns his head to look at me quickly.

“Oh, hey”

I stand there in the door for a moment and then I walk over to the table to sit down in front of him.

“Why are you already up?”

He takes a sip of whatever he’s drinking, coffee I assume, and shrugs.

“You’re never out of bed before me.”

“My god, things change.”

“Oh, don’t get bitchy.”

“I’m not bitchy.”

“Then you’re tired, so let’s get into bed again.”

He shakes his head and I have to prevent a groan.

“Seriously? What is wrong?” I try to sound as nice as possible, but I know that it’s useless.

He just looks at me with that bitchy look of his.

“I called William. I’m going to spend the day with him and Gabe.” He says then.

“What? Why?”

“Because I want to.”

“Yes, but why?”

He rolls his eyes and gets up to place the mug in the sink.

“Do you want me to come as well?” I ask and he just gives me that look again.

I swallow and nod in a try to hide my disappointment.

It’s creepy how fast he can switch between being cute and lovely, and being a complete bitch.

“When are you going to leave?”

“I actually wanted to leave right now.”

“And where are you going?”

“Shopping, maybe we’re seeing a movie later.”

“And when are you going to be home?”

“My god, Brendon. I’m not planning on getting kidnapped!” he snaps.

I narrow my eyes and he freezes. A sigh escapes him and his expression softens.

“Sorry, I just need to do something without you.” He whispers.

Now I’m really hurt, but I guess I understand.

“It’s okay. Just … be careful.” I plead.

He opens his mouth, most likely to bitch at me again, but then he just nods and looks away.

Slowly, I get up and make my way over to him till I’m right in front of him.

“You have to tell me if something is wrong. I guess you just need someone else to talk to, huh?”

He looks up with those eyes I love so much and then he nods.

“Okay, I guess I don’t have to worry when Gabe is with you.” I laugh and he smiles as well.

Just when I want to lean forward to kiss him there’s a knock on the door. I draw back and Ryan smiles at me apologetically.

“I’m not going to be gone for too long.” He says and kisses me quickly.

I nod and watch as he walks out of the kitchen and a few seconds later I hear the door fall shut.

I stand there for a while and just watch the kitchen.

The whole apartment seems kind of dead, now that Ryan is gone and I feel as if something is missing.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

“Oh my god, look at that shirt! I need that shirt. Gabe, I need it!” William whines with a black v-neck shirt in his hands.

Gabe looks at me and rolls his eyes before he walks over to William and takes the shirt.

“Alright, come on.”

William beams at him and follows him to the cash register. I decide to wait here between the racks of shirts, because I had a few unpleasant encounters with cashiers.

My gaze follows my friends for a while and then I sigh and start to look through the shirts. I have to admit that I’m pretty bored. I tell myself to never go shopping with them again. Seriously, William is acting like one of those girls in teen movies.

I’m not saying that it’s annoying, but … it is.

“Well hello. Who are you?”

I don’t move at the voice and just roll my eyes before I turn my head. The boy in front of me is a bit smaller than me, but he seems to be older nonetheless. I just want to punch that grin off his face.

“Just fuck off okay?” I sigh and start looking through the clothes again.

“Oh, you’re playing hard to get, huh? Alright, I’m playing along.”

I groan and turn to face him again.

“No, I’m not playing  _hard to get_. I just want you to fuck off. I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, really? Is he around?”

“Well … no, but- ”

“So you’re here on your own.”

I open my mouth to talk, but then I see Gabe and William walk over to us and I start to grin.

“No, I’m not on my own.” I say and smile up at Gabe, who is standing right behind the guy and taps him on the shoulder.

The guy turns around and looks up at Gabe.

“I bet you want to leave now. His boyfriend won’t be too friendly if I tell him about you.” Gabe says with a fake smile.

“Of course” the guy squeaks before he runs off.

I look after him and then I smile up at Gabe.

“I was right when I thought you might come in handy.”

Gabe just grins at me and William jumps over to my and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

“So Ry. I think we should talk about the fact that you’re not with your other half today.” He says with a small smile.

“What?”

“Come on. We’re not stupid. Why didn’t you want Brendon to come with us?”

“Uhm, I just needed to be away from him for a few hours. I mean we are together all the time.”

“I understand that, but there has to be a reason after all.”

I bite my lip and look over at him.

“You know, I told you about what happened yesterday.”

“Yep, with the accident and that kid.” Gabe says.

I nod and look down.

“I feel like an asshole for leaving the kid behind, but I don’t know why I even care so much.”

“Well, you’re the girl in the relationship. You’re allowed to fangirl about kids.” William says casually.

“What?”

“Okay no, joke. Uhm, let me think … maybe you’re just desperate to have a family with everything that includes a normal one.”

I frown at him.

“I’m not a woman, William.”

“I know, buddy.” He says and pats me on the head. “Think about it.”

“Alright girls. Who wants coffee?” Gabe asks and William beams.

 

*

 

I came home later than I planned. It’s already six pm when I finally arrive at our apartment. Just when I get my keys out the door opens and Brendon smiles at me.

“Hey” he beams and I just smile and walk in. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes”

“Good” he cheers with a smile.

“Why that stupid smile?”

“Because that was the first and the last time I allow you to go out without me.” He says and his smile fades.

I pout and move closer to him.

“Aw, did you miss me?”

He nods and reaches out to hug me.

“Of course I missed you and that’s your fault and now we will cuddle in bed and when you try to leave again I will handcuff you to the bed.”

I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Oh, I thought we already agreed on not using those again.”

“You force me to do it.”

“Then we should just go to bed already before you have to do it for real.”

He nods and starts to pull me towards the bedroom where he just pushes me down on the bed before he falls down on top of me.

“Hey!” I laugh.

“Shut up. We’re cuddling.” He purrs and wraps his arms around me.

I giggle and let him cuddle me and somewhere between I fall asleep.

 

*

 

The next morning, Brendon won’t allow me to leave the bed till it’s already noon. But even then we just get up to eat something and lie down on the couch where we switch between making out and watching TV.

There’s some show on that shows a big family and they are interviewing the parents or something.

“Bren?”

“Hm?”

“If you had the chance to have a family like that- ”

“Shut up”

I look up at him and he just watches the TV with a bored expression.

“We already have a family. I don’t need more than that.” He says without looking at me.

“But you want to.” I state.

He sighs but keeps watching the TV.

“Come on, I know that you grew up in a house full of kids and I know that you miss that.” I say softly.

“You don’t know that.”

Ouch

“I’m not stupid.”

“Can you read my thought?” he asks and finally turns his head to look at me.

“No” I sigh.

“You see? Now let’s just not talk about it. I don’t want us to fight.”

I think about talking back but decide against it and just nod. He smiles before he turns to watch the TV again.

 

*

 

When I wake up the next day it’s because the phone is ringing.

I groan and look over at the clock. It’s eleven in the morning and it’s Monday what means that Brendon is already at work.

Who would call on a fucking Monday?

I force myself out of the bed and stumble into the living room to get the phone.

“Hm?” I ask and fall down onto the couch.

“Hello Ryan. It’s Natasha.”

I need a moment to remember who she is.

“Oh yes. Hi. What is it?”

“It’s about Sam. You know, the boy from the accident.”

I feel a bit more awake suddenly.

“Yes, what about him?”

“Could you maybe just come by? I’ll explain everything then.”

“Can’t you just tell me now?”

“I would like to talk to you in person about it.”

“Uhm okay?”

“So are you going to be here?”

“Yes, I’ll be there in maybe half an hour.”

I hate myself for the fact that Brendon has our car, but it wouldn’t be helpful anyway since I don’t know how to drive.

“Thank you, Bye”

“Bye”

I hang up and groan because I can’t go back to sleep now. I don’t know why I’m so exhausted. Slowly I trot back into the bedroom to get dressed. I take my cap and a pair of Brendon’s sunglasses and head out.

 

I arrive at the police office half an hour later. When I walk in, Natasha approaches immediately. I take my sunglasses off and fold my arms.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I’m getting right to the point. There is a problem with finding a home for Sam.”

I raise my eyebrows at her.

“I thought he would stay with his relatives or whatever.”

“He doesn’t have any relatives. His parents didn’t have siblings and his grandparents are dead.” She explains.

“Oh”

“We made three appointments with foster families, but he refused to go with them.”

“Okay and what is my part in this?”

She sighs and motions for me to follow her.

“He keeps asking for you. For the both of you.” She says.

“What?”

We walk along a hallway and stop in front of a door.

“Listen, he can’t stay here forever. This is a police department and not an orphanage.”

“Are you trying to tell what I think you’re trying to tell me?”

“Sam needs a place to stay and he obviously likes you so it would just be logical if he would stay with you till we find a place for him to stay.”

My eyes widen.

“Uhm, I don’t know. I can’t just decide what to do. I have to ask Brendon first and- ”

“Brendon will be fine with it and even if he isn’t, I don’t really care.”

I show her an amused smile and she just shrugs.

“So?”

I bite my lip and start fiddling with my hands.

“I really don’t know. I have no experience with kids at all and we don’t even have stuff for kids and- ”

“We would pay for the stuff you need, since we’re asking you to do this.”

“Oh”

She looks at me expectantly and I think for a while before I nod.

“Uhm, okay. I guess we could try.”

“Thank you” she sighs in relief.

I smile at her uneasily and she grabs for the doorknob to open the door.

I look inside and the first thing I notice is a small TV that shows some cartoon. Then my eyes wander to the kid sitting in front of it.

“Hey Sam, look who’s here.” Natasha says cheerfully.

The small boy turns his head and looks at her before his gaze wanders over to me.

“Ryan!” he yells and struggles to get up.

I look over at Natasha and she smiles.

“Told you.” She says.

When I feel a pressure pressing against my legs I look down to see Sam hugging them.

“Uhm”

“This is completely normal. The kid lost his parents and now he clings to a person he trusts.” Natasha whispers.

“But why me?”

“You saved him. I don’t really think he understands, but in a sense … he does.”

“Okay, should I just take him home then?”

She shrugs and then nods before she crouches down.

“Hey Sammy. What if I tell you that Ryan will take you home with him?”

The boy turns his head to look at her and smiles. Natasha looks up at me and smiles as well.

“You will handle it.” She promises and reaches out to pick Sam up.

She gets up and looks at me expectantly. I take a deep breath and nod. Her smile widens as she takes one step towards me. Slowly I reach out to take Sam from her. When I hold him, his hands grip my shirt like the last time.

“Buy whatever you need. You’ll get the money back.” Natasha says and motions for me to leave the room again.

I nod and we walk along the hallway again till we’re in the entrance area.

“So, we’ll call when we found a place for him to live.” She says. “But till then, he’s in good hands.”

“If you say so.”

She rolls her eyes and then looks at Sam.

“I think Sam wants to leave now.” she says in the voice a woman talks to a child.

“Yep!” Sam cheers.

I look down at him and he pushes his head into my shoulder forcefully.

“Okay” I say to myself. “Bye”

“No need to thank me.” She jokes and turns to disappear in the hallway again.

“Can we go home?” Sam asks and I tighten my grip and nod before I turn to leave the police office.

 

*

 

Okay, I’m kind of freaking out here.

I’m like five minutes away from home and I think Sam fell asleep on me. With my free hand, I get my phone out and start dialing Brendon’s number but stop and think about it again.

Then I dial another number and hold the phone to my ear.

When someone picks up I start talking immediately.

“Will! Thank god. I think I have a problem.”

“Uh, Ry. What is it and why are you calling me instead of Brendon?”

“Because he’s going to be mad at me.”

“Why? That boy loves you more than he loves himself.”

“Well, the police called me this morning and I went there and they kind of dumped Sam on me.”

“Sam? Wait, that’s the kid, right?”

“Yes, that’s the kid.”

“Oh, now I get it.”

“Help me!” I whine.

“Don’t be a pussy. You got what you wanted.”

“What?”

“Isn’t this what you wanted? Ryan, come on. You complained about how you feel bad about leaving the boy behind and now you’re responsible for him and you get cold feet. Grow a backbone.”

“Why are you mean to me?”

“Because I’m allowed to be. And now call your boyfriend and tell him that you’re going to play happy family. I bet he will love that idea.”

“Oh fuck you.”

“Stop cursing. You’re a parent now.”

“I am not a parent. Sam is just staying with us till they found a place for him to stay.”

“Why is that even a problem? Can’t they just find a foster family or something?”

“He refused to go with them.”

“Oh and why do you think he will go with the next family they choose?”

“Huh?” It just sounds like a high-pitched squeak.

“Nevermind. Call Brendon.”

“But he’s going to be angry.”

“My god! Yes he will be angry but you can’t change it. Stop acting like a girl.”

“You’re not helping!”

“I know and I’m sorry.”

“Okay, I guess I really should call him.”

“Yes”

“I will.”

“Now?”

“Yes. See you. Maybe I’ll survive this.”

“You will.”

“Let’s hope.”

With that I hang up and bite my lip while dialing Brendon’s number once again. I take deep breath before I hold the phone to my ear. It takes about five seconds for him to pick up.

“Ry, hey. What is it?”

“Hey. Uhm, we have problem.”

“What? Why? Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“I’m okay.”

“That’s good. What is it?”

“Could you just come home? I don’t want to fight with you over the phone.”

He’s silent for a while and for a moment I think he hung up.

“Bren?” I ask.

“So this is something we’re going to fight about?”

“Yes”

“I’ll be home in half an hour. I really can’t make it earlier than that.”

“Okay”

“So if we’re going to fight then I just want to tell you that I love you.”

“I love you too”

“Alright, see you”

“See you”

I hang up and look around. We’re already at the apartment complex. I look down at Sam and catch myself smiling.

I’m so fucked.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

“Ryan?” I ask when I open the door to our apartment.

I close the door behind me and look around. Then I hear voices and the living room door opens and Ryan steps into the hall, closing the door behind him again.

“Hey” he greets with an uneasy smile.

“Hey, what’s up?” I ask and walk toward him.

He bites his lip and looks away.

“Do you want something to eat? I can make something.” He babbles and runs into the kitchen.

I sigh and follow him.

“No, just tell me what this is about.” I plead.

He stops in his tracks and turns to look at me.

“Okay” he mumbles and leans against the counter. “Natasha called this morning and asked me to come to the police office.”

“What? Why?”

“It was about Sam. There aren’t any relatives he could stay with and he refused to go with the foster families.”

I think I don’t even want to know what he is going to tell me.

“What has this to do with us?” I ask carefully.

Ryan opens his mouth to say something but freezes and looks at something behind me.

I frown and turn around.

The door to the living room is cracked open and Sam is lurking through the gap. My mouth falls open as I stare at the kid and Sam just stares back with his big green eyes.

“Natasha asked me if he could stay with us till they found a family for him. I couldn’t say no. I’m sorry.” Ryan whines behind me. “You don’t have to do anything. I’ll take care of him.”

At that, I turn around to look at him. His eyes are wet and I think his lip is bleeding from the biting.

“Ry, when you’re talking like that it sounds as if you think I’m heartless.” I whisper soothingly.

“What? No” he sobs.

“Calm down. I’m not going to kill you.” I say slowly. “Why did you think we would fight over this?”

“B-because you said- ”

I step forward till I’m standing right in front of him. His eyes wander from me to Sam and back to me.

“I’m sorry about the things I said, but this isn’t about having children anyway. He’s not going to stay with us forever.”

He looks down and nods.

“Come here” I whisper and he throws himself at me and buries his face in my shoulder.

Carefully, I turn us around just to see that Sam is still watching us. I smile at him and his expression changes from uneasy to happy. I tap Ryan on the shoulder and he draws back to look at me. I smile and crouch down.

“Hey, little one.” I say.

Sam beams and toddles over to me.

“So you’re going to live with us for a while, huh?”

He just nods happily. I reach my arms out for him and he almost jumps against me. I pick him up and turn to see that Ryan is smiling at us.

“You see? Everything is fine.” I promise and he nods quickly. “We need some stuff for him. Some toys and clothes and a tiny toothbrush.”

Ryan giggles and I lean forward to peck him on the lips.

“We can buy whatever we need. Natasha said we’ll get the money back.” He says then.

“That means we can buy whatever we want.” I cheer and Sam laughs when I start to bounce on my heels. “We should leave immediately. I think our little friend wants some toys.”

“Toys!” Sam cheers and I look over at Ryan who is just observing us with a small smile.

I hold my free hand out for Ryan to take. He looks at it for a second before he takes it.

“You worry too much.” I whisper and he shrugs apologetically.

“Toys!” Sam whines and starts to struggle.

“I think we should leave. He already lost his ability to speak sentences.” I joke.

“Toys, toys, toys!”

“Shush, you’ll get your toys.” Ryan says when I pull him out of the room and towards the front door.

“I can already sense that you’re going to be a great mother.” I say and laugh.

Ryan just rolls his eyes but smiles.

 

*

 

By the time we get home we bought enough stuff for three kids. But hey, we’re getting the money back anyway.

We bought at least fifteen plush animals, three children books, a car seat for kids, lots of clothes, toy cars and a carpet with a city on it, a bigger controllable toy car and lots of puzzles.

“I’ll drive by the police office after work tomorrow to get the money.” I say when we walk into the apartment.

Sam starts to struggle in Ryan’s grip and Ryan sets him down.

“I want my puppy!” Sam says and looks up at me.

I laugh and set the bags down to search through one of them till I find the plush dog. I hand it to Sam and the boy makes a happy noise and cuddles the plush animal. The thing is almost the same size as Sam himself.

“I’m hungry. Let’s order pizza.” Ryan sighs.

“We can’t order fast food when a child is going to eat with us.”

Ryan pouts and crouches down in front of Sam.

“Do you like pizza?”

“Pizza!” Sam cheers and Ryan looks up at me triumphantly.

I sigh and fold my arms.

“Fine. I’ll order pizza.”

“Pizza!” Ryan and Sam yell simultaneously.

I roll my eyes but smile nonetheless. This is going to be awesome after all.

 

*

 

After we ate something we sat in front of the TV and tried to find something that Sam could watch as well.

No such luck.

Sam falls asleep while we are still looking for something to watch and so we just decide to go to bed already. I pick him up and walk along the hall to get him into bed. He gets the guest room while he is here. I lay him down on the large mattress and spread the covers over his small body.

When I turn around, Ryan is standing in the door, watching me.

“What?” I ask quietly.

He just smiles that small smile I love so much and motions for me to leave the room. I step out into the hall and close the door behind me.

“You’re good with kids.” He says.

“You’re not so bad either.” I say and lean forward to lean my forehead against his.

He giggles and takes my hand.

“Come on, I’m tired.”

I nod and follow him into the bedroom. I close the door behind us and when I turn around, Ryan is already lying under the covers. I smile and walk over to my side of the mattress.

He looks up at me and lifts the covers for me to crawl in next to him. When I lay down he sighs contently and buries his face in my shirt.

“I love you. We’ll manage this together.” I whisper and he nods and mumbles a ‘Love you too’ into my chest.

I smile and press a kiss to his hair before I drift off to sleep.

 

*

 

Something woke me but I don’t know what it is. I take a deep breath and turn onto my side which causes Ryan to fall off me. He groans and snuggles close again.

I’m just about to drift off again when I hear a noise. It kind of sounds like a sob.

I look up and narrow my eyes in an attempt to see something in the dark.

The door is cracked open and there’s a small shadow holding the light back from shining inside.

“Sam?” I ask and sit up in bed. “Why are you awake? What’s wrong?”

At first there’s just more sobbing but then the boy speaks.

“I had a nightmare.”

“Oh, do you want me to get you into bed again?”

He shakes his head and sobs again.

“C-can I sleep in your bed?” Sam asks.

“Uhm- ”

I stop and think about something to say. When something hits my arm I flinch and look next to me. Ryan is looking up at me with a tired expression.

“Don’t be a dick.” He mumbles and closes his eyes again.

I stare at him for a second longer and turn to look at Sam again. I nod and the boy toddles over to jump onto the bed. He crawls over me and gets under the covers. I just sit there and watch as the small boy cuddles up to Ryan.

Ryan reaches out to pat the boy’s head and after that his hand stays there.

 

At first I’m a bit jealous because I’m not the kid’s cuddle buddy, but then I decide that cuddling is more the motherly thing to do and Ryan is totally the woman in this.

Maybe Ryan was right. Maybe I want something like this.

I try to prevent those thoughts from getting to me and just smile at the scene in front of me.

I don’t know how long I sit there and just look at them but it has to be quite a while. When I finally lie down again Ryan raises his free hand towards me and I take it with both of mine.

After that I drift off again rather quickly. 

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

“Ryan!”

I try to ignore the voice and just stay silent.

“Ryaaaan!”

Something pulls on my shirt but I still don’t move.

“Wake up!”

I groan and try to turn onto my side but something knocks the air out of my lungs.

I gasp and finally open my eyes to see that Sam is sitting on top of me.

“Ryan!” he yells happily.

“I’m awake.” I mumble and raise my hands to hide my face in them.

“I’m hungry!”

“Just ten more minutes.”

“No!”

I lower my hands in time to see Sam jumping down on me again.

“Alright! I’ll get up.”

He beams and crawls off me.

When I look at the clock it says that it’s just nine in the morning. I groan and force myself to get up. Sam jumps off the bed and his loud clumsy steps follow me out of the room.

“Where is Brendon?” he asks.

“At work” I say and turn the coffee maker on.

“Why?”

“Because we need money.”

“Okay”

“So what do you want for breakfast?”

“Pancakes!” he cheers.

“I’m not the best at making pancakes. That’s Brendon’s job.”

The boy pouts up at me and I’m just too big of a softie to say no.

“Alright, listen. What if we visit Brendon for breakfast? You like muffins and big cookies, don’t you?”

The pout disappears and the smile is back on the kid’s face.

“Muffin!”

I smile tiredly and grab my coffee.

“Just let me drink my coffee and then we’re out of here.”

“No! Muffin!”

“Just five minutes, Sam.”

“No!” he whines.

I sigh and start to massage my temples. I’m not used to being up this early.

“Why don’t you play with your big toy car, huh?”

He stares at me with a slight pout before he runs off. I groan and let my head fall down on the table. I can already feel that I’m going to get a headache.

I don’t know how long I stay like this but when something hits my foot, I look up.

Sam is standing in the door with a big remote in his hands. Whatever it was, hits me again and when I look down I see that it is the toy car that keeps driving against my foot.

I groan and get up.

“Alright, let’s go.” I mumble.

“Yay!”

 

*

 

There are even a few people there when we arrive at the Starbucks. I’m carrying Sam since he got tired of walking, but it’s not a problem because he’s not that heavy.

“Well hello, Ryan. I didn’t see you in a while.” Drew, the guy behind the counter, greets mischievously.

He flirts with me every single time I walk inside this stupid thing and in return he gets to talk to the bitchiest side of me, because I just can’t stand that guy.

“Oh, suck it up, Drew.”

“And who is your friend?”

“None of your business.”

He rolls his eyes as I walk behind the counter.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Drew asks, but I simply ignore him.

“What kind of muffin do you want?” I ask Sam and he points at the chocolate one.  
I nod and reach out to take it.

“Are you going to pay for this?”

I turn to look at Drew.

“Calm down. My boyfriend owns this whole thing.” I say while I try to decide what I want to eat.

“That doesn’t mean that you can just take whatever you want without paying.”

“That’s exactly what it means. And you know what else I can do? I can make that you lose your job, so stop annoying me.”

I grab another muffin and smile at Drew before I open the door to the back.

The employee lounge is empty, but there are noises coming from the store room. I grin and walk over to look inside the room. Brendon is leaning over a box with a writing pad in his hands and seems to count something.

“Hey”

A loud shriek escapes him and he stumbles backwards till his back hits the wall. When his gaze meets mine I just smile.

“Don’t you ever do that again.” He breathes out and walks away from the wall. “What are you even doing here?”

“Sammy was hungry.” I tell him with a shrug.

“Oh so you thought you could just come by and get something for free like always?”

“Of course”

“You’re lucky that I love you.”

I grin at him and he rolls his eyes with a smile.

“Could you just sit down in the store while I finish this?”

I shrug and walk out, passing Drew again. He watches me with a mixture of adoration and annoyance and it’s just too funny. I walk around the counter and head for a table in the corner. Sam struggles out of my grip and plumps down on the bench, making grabby hands for his muffin. I laugh and hand it to him on what he makes a high-pitched noise.

“Seriously, Ryan. Why are you carrying a child around?” Drew asks.

I glare at him and sit down as well.

“Come on, don’t give me that. Just tell me.”

I turn in my chair to face him.

“I think I have to talk to your boss about your behavior. You’re starting to annoy the costumers.”

“I think I should talk to my boss too. Does he even know that you’re taking stuff without paying?”

The door to the back opens and Brendon steps out.

“Yes, he knows.” He says to Drew and rounds the counter to walk over to our table.

He sits down next to me and kisses me.

“Look, Brendon! Muffin!” Sam yells happily while holding his half-eaten muffing in the air.

“Maybe I should steal food in here more often. It’s going to get deducted from his paycheck, right?” I ask, pointing at Drew.

“No, you’re not going to steal food more often!” Drew yells.

Brendon looks over at him menacingly and Drew just mumbles something under his breath.

“It’s unbelievable how bitchy you can get.” He tells me. 

“What does bitchy mean?” Sam asks out of sudden and our heads turn towards him.

I shoot Brendon a look that says  _‘Well done, idiot’_  and he just smiles apologetically.

“I have to go back to work. See you.”

He gets up and kisses me again before he walks off to disappear in the back.

He’s is totally getting this back.

“Ryan! What does bitchy mean?” Sam asks again.

“It means that someone isn’t nice, but I don’t want you to say this ever again, okay?”

“But Brendon just said it.”

“That’s no reason for you to repeat it.”

He blinks at me a few times before he looks into another direction. He finished eating his muffin and there are crumbs everywhere. I sigh and get up to get a tissue from the counter. Drew watches me closely. I ignore him and walk back to the table to clean it.

“I’m bored!” Sam whines.

When the table is free of crumbs I walk half the way to the counter and throw the used tissues at Drew, who catches them and rolls his eyes.

“What do you want to do?” I ask and the boy shrugs. “Okay, I’ve got an idea.”

I pick him up and walk over to the door.

“Already leaving, princess?” I hear Drew say behind me.

I look down at Sam to check if he’s watching me and then I raise my free hand to show Drew my middle finger.

“Oh, so mature!” he yells but I don’t answer and leave the store.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re visiting a friend.” I say.

“Okay!”

 

*

 

We reach William’s shop about twenty minutes later because Sam wanted ice cream and I couldn’t resist those eyes.

William is sitting behind the counter and looks up when we walk in.

“Hello Ryan and hello mini human.” He greets with a grin and gets up to walk towards us. “You must be Sam then.”

The boy nods and William’s smile slowly fades. Then he looks up at me with a worried expression.

“What?” I ask and retreat one step.

“We should make a session with him.” William says seriously.

“No. Why?”

“Because there’s a spirit with him.”

I tighten my grip on the boy.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it like I said it.”

I observe him with narrowed eyes and shake my head.

“I know that you don’t want it, but I think it would be better to know who it is and what it wants.”

“I said no.”

“Bitchy Ryan!” Sam cheers and William raises his eyebrows.

“I told you not to say that word.” I hiss at the boy and he pouts and starts to struggle till I put him down.

Sam runs off and I look after him before I watch William again.

“Ryan, it’s not about you. It’s about Sam. I think both of us can guess who it might be, but we don’t know for sure. It could be a bad spirit as well.”

I sigh and look over at Sam again, who tries to look at the stuff on one of the tables.

“I don’t know, Will.”

“My god, what are you scared of?”

“I’m not scared.”

“You obviously are.”

I glare at him and take a deep breath.

“Is this really necessary?” I ask quietly.

“Yes”

“Alright. Let’s do it.”

William observes me a bit longer before he nods.

“Follow me” he orders and walks behind the counter and through a door.

“Sammy, come here. We’ll play a game.” I say and the boy turns around and beams before he runs towards me.

I pick him up again and follow William into the backroom. It’s just a small room with a table and a few chairs around it. The walls consist of bookshelves. Other than that, the room is empty.

William moves two chairs to they are across from each other and motions for me to sit down. Slowly I walk over and sit down with Sam in my lap.

I look around and decide that I don’t like this room. It reminds me of the mansion, somehow.

William sits down on the chair across from me and reaches forward to take one of Sam’s hands.

“What are we playing?” the boy asks and looks up at me.

I lick my lips but stay silent.

“Take one of his hands.” William orders.

“I’m not part of this.” I hiss back.

“Ryan, just do it.”

I glare at him but take Sam’s other hands.

“Close your eyes, you too, Sam.”

Sam looks up at me and I nod before I close my eyes.

I expect William to say something, but he stays silent.

“Aren’t you supposed to say something?” I ask, but William shushes me so I sigh and stay silent.

We sit there like that for at least ten minutes and I start to wonder why Sam isn’t struggling and babbling yet.

“Okay, this should be enough.” William whispers. “You can open your eyes.”

When I do so, the first thing I see is that the room is somehow gloomier. I swallow and rest my gaze on William but something behind him catches my eye.

A woman is standing behind him. She’s looking at me without emotion.

“Ryan, what’s wrong?” William asks.

“Behind you” I breathe out.

William frowns and turns around.

“What?” he asks when he’s looking at me again.

“Don’t you see her?”

“Who?”

“The woman behind you.”

“There is no one behind me.” He says slowly.

I keep staring at the woman. Her hair is a dark blond color and her eyes are light green and kind of glowing. Suddenly I know who she is.

“Ryan, are you okay?”

I nod quickly.

“I know who she is. She’s Sam’s mother.”

Williams eyes widen and he looks around once again.

“Uhm, okay. I guess it makes sense that you can see her. Sam, do you see her?”

“Who?” the boy asks and William nods.

“What should I do?” I ask.

“Talk to her. Ask what she wants?”

I nod and try to think about something to say.

“Hello Ryan” she says and I think my heart skips a beat.

“Hi” is all I get out.

“I think you already know who I am.”

I nod.

“You’re his mom.”

She just stares me down.

“Yes, my name is Molly Wright.”

Wright. I didn’t know Sam’s last name till now.

“And we, Ryan Ross, met before.” She continues.

“Yes. W-what do you want? Why are you still here?”

“Because I want to see if you’re able to keep the promise you gave me. I want to know if my son is save.”

“I’m taking care of him.  _We_  are taking care of him.”

“At the moment, but you’re going to give him to the next best family.”

I frown at her.

“That’s the plan.”

She stares me down and maybe she’s even glaring.

“What do you expect me to do? He can’t stay with us forever. I’m just 23 and Brendon is 22. We can’t raise a child. I mean, I’m barely able to take care of myself.”

She just keeps staring at me and doesn’t answer.

“I don’t know how to be a parent. My own parents didn’t know how to raise me. One of them gave up and the other one just wanted to get rid of me and he succeeded! What makes you think that I’m going to manage this better than they did?”

“Your parents did everything wrong, yes. And now you know what’s important. You’re not going to make the same mistake.”

“You can’t know that.”

“You’re right. I can’t know it for sure. But you’re not alone in this. Your boyfriend is in this as much as you are and he will help you.”

“So what? You’re saying that we should adopt Sam and play happy family. That is not going to happen!”

Her expression changes and the look scares me. She leans forward.

“Your soul is as dead as mine and I can read it like a book. You are scared of failing and you are scared of disappointing people. You think that everything you touch is slowly being destroyed. You act like you’re okay but inside you’re still thinking like you did four years ago. You think that no one needs you. I don’t know why you still think like that. Maybe your father really destroyed you so that you’re not able to trust. You can’t even trust yourself.”

By the time she finished, I feel tears running down my cheeks.

“I’m not trying to scare you. I’m trying to show you that you’re wrong with the way you think.”

“Ryan, are you okay?”

Slowly, my gaze wanders over to William and he’s staring back with a worried expression.

“Maybe we should stop.” He whispers.

“I’m sorry for what I said but you needed to hear it.” Molly says softly. “I’m going to leave now and I’m not going to come back. Do what you think is right, but keep my son save. Please.”

I nod and then the room seems to light up again. I raise my gaze and look around with wet eyes.

“Her voice was muffled, but I could understand most of it.” William says carefully. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.”

“No” I say quickly. “It’s okay. I think I needed to hear that.”

“What is wrong?” Sam asks and looks up at me.

“Nothing is wrong.”

“But you’re crying.”

I open my mouth but close it again.

“We’re leaving.” I say and get up, which causes Sam to let out a surprised noise.

“Maybe you should sit down for a moment.” William says but I shake my head.

“No, I want to go home.”

William hesitates for a moment before he gets his phone out.

“I’m going to call Brendon.”

“No, don’t call him. Don’t tell him about this, please. I don’t want him to worry.”

“He’s allowed to worry, look at yourself.”

I look away.

“Don’t be sad. No need to be sad.” Sam says.

I lower my gaze to look at him and he’s smiling at me.

“Listen to the kid.” William says.

“Me loves you. And Brendon loves you. And I tell you a secret.” He grips my shirt to lift himself up so he’s able to whisper into my ear. “Puppy told me that he loves you too.”

At that a laugh escapes me.

“Puppy?” William asks.

“His plush dog.” I explain and William nods with an amused look.

“We should leave.” I sigh after a while.

“Are you going to be okay?” William asks.

I nod and smile.

“I think Sammy isn’t going to accept it if I’m sad so I don’t have a choice.”

“Uh huh!” Sam cheers.

“The kid is good for you, Ryan. Think whatever you want. That’s the truth.”

“Can I have more ice cream?” Sam asks loudly and I roll my eyes with a smile.

“You heard it. Sammy wants ice cream so we have to leave to get it.” I tell William with a shrug.

“Whatever”

“I would thank you, but I don’t really want to.”

“Just go.” He laughs and I give a small wave before I push the door open and we’re on our way to the ice cream shop.

“You happy again?” the boy asks.

“Yes”

“Okay”

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

About twenty seconds after I closed the front door behind me Sam is running towards me.

“Brendon!” he yells.

I crouch down and smile.

“Hey muffin-killer, what did you do all day?”

“You have to tell Ryan that you love him.”

I frown.

“No problem, but why?”

“He’s sad!”

“Why? What happened?”

Sam reaches out to take my hand and starts to pull me with him. I have to lean forward a bit to follow him. He leads me into the living room and just when I’m about to look in, Ryan storms out.

“Uhm … I love you?” I try and let go of Sam’s hand to follow Ryan. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing” he sobs and grabs his jacket.

“Whoa, what do you think you’re doing?” I ask when he’s about to leave through the front door.

“I’m going to take a walk.”

“No, tell me what’s wrong.”

He opens the door, but I slam it shut again.

“I just want to be alone.” He hisses.

I observe him and he takes a deep breath.

“Brendon, please”

“I want you to be back in an hour.” I say and step away from the door.

“You’re not my fucking keeper.” He whispers harshly before he leaves.

I stand there for at least five minutes and just stare at the door.

“Is he mad?”

I turn to look at Sam and shake my head.

“What happened today?” I ask and crouch down.

“We visited a guy.”

“Who?”

“William?”

I nod and look for the phone.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

I don’t care where I’m going. I just keep walking while tears run down my face.

I don’t even know why I’m sad.

When we got home, Sam went into his room to play and I sat down on the couch and I just started to think about everything Molly said again.

Maybe I should have told Brendon what’s wrong.

I decide that I should do it and search for my phone but I can’t find it.

“Fuck” I whine when I realize that I most likely forgot it at home.

I look around but my surroundings don’t seem familiar.

Great

I’m lost.

Even more tears form in my eyes when I realize that. I look behind me, but there’s no one and it’s already getting dark outside.

Then I spot a bus stop where a bus is already approaching. I start to run and make it in time to jump in. I find some money in my pockets and pay my ticket before I walk through the whole bus to sit down in the back.

I let my head rest against the cold window and let the tears fall. I don’t even know the exact reason why I’m crying anymore. Maybe because of what Molly said, maybe because I’m lost.

I close my eyes in a try to calm my mind and just concentrate on the movement of the bus.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

“Are you trying to tell me that my boyfriend got insulted by some ghost lady and now he’s running around town, crying like crazy?” I almost yell into my phone.

“Chill, I bet he’s going to show up soon.” William says in a try to soothe me.

“He’s gone for about two hours now. Don’t tell me to chill!”

“Do you really think that he will hurt himself?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“I don’t think so. He just needs to think about a few things.”

“You should have called me right away.”

“I’m sorry to punch you out of your cloud, honey, but you’re not responsible for him. He’s human and he has a mind of his own.”

“You know what I mean!”

William sighs.

“Yes, sadly I do.”

“Alright, I’m going to hang up now.”

“Okay, don’t worry too much.”

“Yes”

With that, I hang up and throw the phone next to me on the couch.

I can’t believe that we’re at this point again. I thought Ryan is okay.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

“Hey, boy!”

I groan and force myself to open my eyes.

“Come on, wake up. Time to get out.”

I look around to see that I’m still in the bus. Seems like I fell asleep.

“What?” I mumble.

“This is the last stop. You have to get out.”

I nod and try to get up, but everything is spinning. I grab the seat in front of me to hold me upright. The man, who seems to be the bus driver, already left again.

Slowly, I stumble out of the bus and almost fall over when my feet hit the ground.

I feel sick and everything is blurry. In my dizziness I manage to spot a bench and make my way over to it with some difficulty. I let myself fall down on it and raise my hands to massage my temples.

Something seems to hammer against my head from the inside.

I look around and see that I’m on the outskirts of town.

Too far away.

Why is Vegas so fucking huge anyway?

I groan and slowly lower myself into a lying position on the bench. I just want to sleep.

I don’t know how long I just lie there till another car approaches and I open my eyes.

No, it’s another bus. It stops behind the last one and a few people get out. I close my eyes again.

A minute passes by and then I hear footsteps coming closer.

“Ryan?”

I groan and try to turn away.

“Oh my god, Ryan. What are you doing here?”

I know that voice but I just can’t think about a face.

“Do you hear me?”

I don’t move and just try to ignore him but an arm grabs my shoulder and pulls me into a sitting position.

I let out a pained noise and open my eyes. Drew is standing in front of me.

“Oh god, what do  _you_  want?” I whisper and try to lie down again, but he holds me upright.

“I’m on the way to visit my parents and I just saw that you’re lying here.” He babbles and it’s way too much for me. “Are you drunk or stoned or something?”

“No”

“Then what is wrong?”

“Just leave me alone.”

He stays silent for a while and I wish he would just leave.

“Alright, I’m going to call Brendon. I hope this gets me a fucking raise.”

I nod and lie down again.

“Brendon, hey. It’s me, Drew. I just found your boyfriend on the fucking ass of Vegas and he seems to be sick or something.” He stops for a second. “Yes, it’s the very last bus stop. Okay, yes.” He frowns and rolls his eyes. “I want more money for this.” … “No, hey. No reason to pick up a fight. Just get into your damn car.”

He hangs up and sighs.

“Thanks to you I can sit around here with you for almost an hour.” He hisses and pulls me upright again. “Don’t lie down. The bench isn’t really that clean.”

I smile at him sarcastically and raise my arm to show him my middle finger.

“Oh, you look like you’re dying but you’re still able to hate me. I didn’t have to help you.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” I manage to say.

He rolls his eyes and sits down next to me.

“So what’s wrong with you?”

“None of your business.”

“You keep saying that. Well, it is none of my business, but I just want to know why you look as if you’re about to collapse on the ground any second.”

I hide my face in my palms.

“I didn’t mean to get that far away. I just wanted to go home and then I fell asleep.” I cry out and look up again. “I hate this feeling. I hoped that I would never have to feel it again. I just hate it so much!”

Drew looks at me as if I’m crazy. Well, I may seem crazy to someone who doesn’t know what is wrong with me.

“Okay? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Good”

 

*

 

About half an hour later, I start to feel better and another twenty minutes later, I see Brendon’s car approach.

“That’s it?” Drew asks hopefully and I nod. “Finally”

When the car stops in front of us we both get up as Brendon steps out of it. He rounds the car and walks towards us.

“You” he starts and stares at me. “Get in the car.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Get. In. The. Car.” He repeats as if I’m an idiot.

I narrow my eyes at him but he just stares back angrily.

“Fine!” I yell and pass him.

I open the door to the passenger seat forcefully and get in before closing it with a bang. I let out a cry and lean my head backwards.

“R-Ryan?”

I freeze and turn around. Sam is sitting in his child seat in the back and stares at me with big eyes.

“Why did you leave?” the boy asks.

“Because I wanted to think about some things.” I answer truthfully.

“Why don’t you love each other anymore?”

“What? Why do you think that?”

“You yelled at him.”

“Oh, sweetie. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other anymore just because we fight. Fights are completely normal in a relationship from time to time.”

Sam is fiddling with his hands and looks down.

“Okay”

I bite my lip and turn forward again just when Brendon gets into the car. He doesn’t say a word and just starts the car.

“Brendon- ”

“Not now, Ryan.”

“I just wanted to apologize.”

“I said not now.”

“Just wanted to say I’m sorry, geez.”

He looks over at me menacingly and I just stare back.

“Why did you run away? You should have told me what happened.” He whispers and watches the road again.

“Oh, so you know already?”

“I called William.”

“Oh, fine. William saved the day.”

“This isn’t about William. This is about the fact that you don’t tell me stuff. Important stuff.”

“I would have told you.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes!”

He sighs tiredly.

“I though things changed. I thought you’re okay.”

“I am okay.” I hiss.

“You’re obviously not.”

I remain silent.

“Maybe I should call Natasha to tell her that we can’t take care of Sam.” Brendon whispers.

“What? Why? No.”

“We can’t care for him the right way.”

“That’s not true!”

“It is.”

“No!”

“Ryan, you’re being selfish.”

“I’m being selfish?  _I_  am being selfish here?! I don’t really care if you hate me at the moment, but Sam stays with us. He trusts us, we can’t just hand him over like a used toy. That’s not how it works.”

“Ryan, stop this. He’s right there.” Brendon says carefully.

“ _You_  started this!”

Suddenly, it’s silent and I hear quiet sobs from the backseat. Slowly I turn around to see that Sam is crying.

“Stop the car.” I say calmly.

“Why?”

“Brendon, just do what I say for once.”

He clenches his teeth but stops the car. I get out and open the door to the back seat to get in. I close the door and reach out to open Sam’s belt. The boy is now crying loudly and sobbing harshly.

“Shh” I whisper and reach out to wrap my arms around his small body to place him in my lap.

Brendon is watching us with an unreadable expression.

“Drive!” I hiss quietly and he nods and starts the car again.

Sam is gripping my shirt as tightly as his tiny hands allow him to and I pet his back to soothe him.

“Don’t cry.” I whisper.

“Fights are not nice.” He sobs.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“C-can I sleep in your bed again?”

“Of course”

He buries his face in my chest and I start to stroke his hair.

“I’m sorry.” Brendon sighs and I look up.

“Me too”

“We shouldn’t fight about things like that.”

I nod.

“I love you, Ry.”

“I love you too.”

Sam makes a squeaking noise and when I look down at him he’s smiling.

 

*

 

When we arrive at the apartment, Sam is almost asleep in my arms so I carry him to the bed.

“We should probably talk about what happened.” Brendon whispers when I lay the boy down in the middle of the mattress.

“Maybe, but not now.” I say and change into my pyjamas.

Brendon nods tiredly and does the same.

We get into bed and I throw the covers over us.

We lie on our sides, facing each other with Sam between us.

“You’re okay, right?” Brendon asks carefully.

“Yes”

Brendon nods to himself and then smiles.

“Come here.” He whispers softly.

“There is a child lying between us, just in case you didn’t notice.”

His smile doesn’t fade and he just moves forward and motions me to do the same. He wraps his arms around me so that Sam is inside a cocoon of our limbs.

The boy sighs and buries his face in the mattress.

I look down at him and smile. When I raise my gaze again Brendon is smiling at me as well.

Yep, I’m okay.

 

*

 

After that nothing really happened for a while.

We just lived through the days with the same rhythm over and over again. Most people would say it’s boring but we were just glad that everything was normal for a while.

Sam woke me every morning and after a week I got used to it. Then we ate breakfast and sometimes we visited Brendon at work to do so, but not too often.

After that Sam decided what to do. Sometimes he wanted to go out, maybe visit William. Most of the time we stayed inside though and Sam forced me to play with him. I never thought that I could deal with kids.

Yeah well.

A month and a half passes and we got used to Sam’s presence. I almost forgot that he isn’t going to stay with us forever so it’s a shock when Brendon comes home from work one day and tells me that they found a family Sam should meet.

“Oh”

“We knew this would happen, Ry.”

“Yes, of course. I just forgot.”

He sends me a sad look and goes on.

“The meeting is in one hour.”

“In one hour already?”

“Yes, but we should leave early because I have to find the place first. Some lady called Violet Miller is arranging it. She’s one of Natasha’s friends or something. She works with stuff like that.”

“Okay, I’ll tell Sam.”

Brendon nods and I leave the room quickly.

“Sam?” I ask when I stand in the door already.

“I’m not Sam!” he yells and jumps off his bed and right in front of me.

A blanket is covering him and he raises his arms.

“I’m a ghost! Booh!”

I laugh and retreat into the hall.

“Oh my god! Brendon, there’s a ghost in the house!” I yell happily.

“Is his name Ryan?” Brendon yells back and I roll my eyes.

“No!”

I hear steps and then he appears in the hall and starts to smile.

“Oh, of course. I thought you meant something else.”

“Booh!” Sam yells and runs towards Brendon, who just grabs the blanket and yanks it off him. “Hey, that’s my ghost costume!”

Brendon holds the blanket in the air and Sam starts to jump but he can’t reach it. He turns to look at me and pouts.

“Come on. We’re leaving in a few minutes.” Brendon says and turns to walk into the kitchen again.

“Where are we going?” Sam asks.

“Uhm” I bite my lip. “We are going to meet some people who want to be your new family.”

Sam frowns and tilts his head to the side.

“Why?”

“Because you can’t stay with us forever.”

He blinks a few times.

“Why not?”

I open my mouth but I have no answer.

 

*

 

We drove around Vegas for almost an hour before we found the place. Quite annoyed, we get out of the car and walk inside. There’s a small counter and a few people sitting around.

“Hello, we are here to see Violet Miller. It’s because of Sam.” Brendon tells the lady behind the counter.

“Just wait a moment. She should be here any second.” She says

We nod and turn just as a dark-haired woman walks in.

“Sorry, I’m late.” She says and looks at us. “Oh, you have to be Brendon and Ryan. And you are Sam, right?”

We nod and Sam grabs my leg.

“Alright, follow me please.” She says. “Are the Kingsleys already here?”

“Yes” the lady tells her and she nods.

We start walking into a hall and walk through a glass door into an office. A man and a woman are already occupying the two chairs in there.

“Hello, sorry I’m late. I’m Violet Miller.” the woman who led us in here says and we all shake hands.

She sits down behind the desk and opens a file.

“So Sam’s parents died in an accident a bit more than a month ago and now he’s an orphan.” Mrs Miller reads and looks up at the couple sitting in front of her. “What makes you think that you’re the right family for him?”

I feel ignored. Brendon looks at me and shrugs. Slowly we walk further into the room and lean against the wall. Sam is still grabbing my leg a bit too tight.

“Well, we already have one son. He’s going to be eight in a month and so we thought that we could raise another child without problems.” The woman says.

Her hair is bleach-blond and when I look at the amount of make up she’s wearing I want to scream.

“We’re living in a mansion. Sam would have enough space to play.” She goes on.

I just keep glaring at her.

“Yes, I know that.” Mrs Miller says. “What are your jobs if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh, my husband is an important lawyer and sometimes he even has to fly away for a while to do his job. I run a fashion label.”

I want to throw a chair right into her face.

“Oh, so you’re going to be away often?”

“From time to time, yes. You know sometimes I have to visit some places to present my fashion. But don’t worry there are two sitters in the house.”

“I think you are getting a wrong picture of our situation here.” Her husband says. “I think children should be raised to be independent. It is good for them to learn that in their young years.”

Mrs Miller observes him for a moment and then nods.

“What?! Are you serious?!” I say loudly and their heads turn to look at me. “He is three years old. He doesn’t have to be independent.”

“Excuse me young man, but this is none of your business. People got different opinions on how to raise a child.” The man says.

“Yes, I know.” I say sarcastically. “And then they just stab their children when they don’t want them anymore.” Couldn’t hold that back.

“Ryan” Brendon hisses.

The three of them are staring at me as if I’m crazy and I just stare back.

“Why is the kid staying with you again?” the woman asks with narrowed eyes.

“Because we found him and we saved him. He trusts us.” I hiss.

“It’s not a good decision to let a child stay with people like them.” The man says to Mrs Miller.

“People like us?” Brendon asks.

“Yes, don’t get me wrong, but Sam could get a different way of thinking because of it.”

“I don’t know what you mean. Please explain it to me.”

“He could start to think that it’s normal.”

“That what is normal?”

“Being homosexual.”

There’s a heavy silence in the room after that.

“So what. Are you saying that gay people aren’t normal?” Brendon asks menacingly.

“Yes”

“Alright, that’s it. Ryan, we’re out of here.”

He crouches down to pick Sam up and grabs my hand.

“No, you are not. I don’t think like that but I do think that it isn’t good for Sam to stay with you.” Mrs Miller says and gets up.

We turn to look at her and Brendon’s grip on my hand tightens.

“Do you want to take him away?” I ask, my voice trembling.

“I’d say that’s for the best.”

“No”

“Put the boy down.”

Brendon hesitates for a moment and looks at Sam who just stares back with big eyes. Then he looks at Mrs Miller again and puts Sam down.

She steps forward to pick him up instead on what he lets out a silent cry.

“It wasn’t a very intelligent idea to give him to you. You are too young to care for a child.”

I look at Brendon who is just staring at the ground.

“You can leave now.”

We still don’t move as she looks at the couple behind her and tells them the same. They get up and rush out of the room.

My gaze locks with Sam’s who looks as if he’s near tears.

“What if he wants to stay with us?” I ask.

Mrs Miller stops in her tracks and stares at me with raised eyebrows but says nothing.

“Actually, we didn’t come here today to lose him.” I go on.

“I’m sorry, but your behavior isn’t good for a child.” She snaps. “I’m going to take him to an orphanage right away, don’t worry. You can go.”

Okay, now I’m starting to panic.

Brendon sighs and pulls on my hand but I don’t move.

“Ry, come on. We can’t do anything.” He whispers.

I don’t even know why this is getting to me like this. Tears start to form in my eyes when we slowly turn towards the door.

Just when Brendon grabs for the doorknob, there’s a squeak behind us, followed by a soft thump. I turn around to see that Sam crashed to the floor but he’s already on his tiny feet again and starts running towards us.

I reach down to pick him up and glare at Mrs Miller.

“That’s enough, put him down.” She says.

“What if I don’t?”

“Then I have to call the security.”

“Oh come on lady. He obviously wants to stay with us. Why are you so heartless?” Brendon snaps.

“I’m not heartless.” She says and sighs.

“Please. He trusts us.”

Her gaze observes me for a while and then she steps right in front of me.

“Sam, do you want to stay with Ryan and Brendon?” she asks.

“Go away!” the boy yells and hides his face in my shoulder. “You are a bad lady.”

“Why do you think I’m a bad lady?”

“You were trying to make me be alone. I don’t like being alone.”

“You wouldn’t have been alone. There are other kids at the orphanage.”

The boy turns in my grip to look at her.

“There are kids without families, right?”

She nods.

“But I have a family.”

Mrs Miller shoots us a look.

“But Brendon and Ryan aren’t your family.” She says.

“Just because it’s not official.” I hiss under my breath and roll my eyes.

“I don’t care! Go away evil lady!” Sam yells.

Mrs Miller looks up at us again.

“I would like to talk to you two for a moment. I’ll get someone to look after Sam.” She sighs.

“No! I want to go home!” Sam looks up at me. “Can we go home?”

“It’ll just be a moment.” I whisper.

“No! The lady is evil and you can’t talk to evil humans. I don’t want to see you cry again.”

I’m melting inside because of how cute this boy is.

“What? You cried? It’s not good for a child to see that.” The  _evil lady_  says.

“Excuse me for having feelings!” I hiss.

“We are going to leave now and if you have a problem with that … talk to Natasha.” Brendon says and pulls me out of the room.

We wait a few seconds, but she doesn’t follow us.

“Do you think this was a good idea?” I ask.

“Well, she was an evil lady.” Brendon says with a smile at Sam. “Let’s go home.”

“Home!” Sam yells. “Can I have ice cream? I want ice cream!”

“I don’t know if he should have ice cream again.” Brendon says with a faked thoughtful expression.

“No! Ice cream!” the boy yells.

“Get him ice cream.” I sigh.

“Alright. Ice cream for Sammy.” Brendon laughs.

“Yay!”

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

By the time I park the car in front of the apartment complex, Sam is covered in sticky ice cream.

I sigh and get him out of the car to set him down on the ground. He starts to pout and raises his arms towards me.

“I’m not going to carry you while you’re covered in this.” I laugh.

He stares at me for a while longer and then runs off towards Ryan.

“You have a better chance with Brendon. I don’t want ice cream near my clothes.” He says.

“Oh god, stop acting like a girl.” I tease and kiss him on the nose.

He rolls his eyes but giggles.

We make our way inside and climb the few steps (this may sound evil, but it’s cute how Sam kind of jumps from one step to step). When we arrive at our door, I open it and Ryan grabs Sam’s hand to pull him inside and along the hall.

“Ew, your hand is all sticky. Ew!” he yells and I just hear Sam giggle.

I smile to myself and close the door. Then I just stand there and observe the hall. Sam’s tiny shoes are lying around and I crouch down to put them away so no one stumbles over them.

When I hear another giggle I start to walk along the hall to stop in the kitchen door.

Sam is sitting on one of the chairs and Ryan is crouching in front if him with a cloth in his hand. He tries to rub the sticky ice cream off the kid’s face and is licking over his lower lip in concentration while doing it.

This is probably the cutest picture ever.

I let out a laugh and Ryan turns his head to look at me. Sam laughs and leans forward to place a wet kiss on Ryan’s cheek.

“Ew! Now there’s sticky stuff on my face too.” He yells and gets up to wash his face.

“Oh come on. He kissed you on the cheek. That’s cute.” I laugh.

He rolls his eyes with a smile and leans against the counter.

“Anyway, you won’t get it off with water.” I say and walk over to get a tissue before I kneel down in front of Sam.

I raise the tissue towards my lips and lick it and then I rub at the kid’s cheek with it.

“No! That’s ew!” Sam squeaks and tries to push me away but I don’t let go.

Suddenly the phone starts to ring and Ryan laughs at us one last time before he leaves the room to get it.

I keep rubbing at Sam’s cheek till it’s clean again.

“So, now you’re allowed to touch us again.” I say and Sam pokes his tongue out at me.

I get up and Sam jumps off the chair.

“I want to play ghost again!” he yells and runs out of the room just when Ryan walks in.

When I see his expression my smile fades. He looks at me with sadness and fear while he is still clutching the phone.

“What’s wrong?” I ask and as a response he holds the phone out for me to take.

I stare at it for a moment before I take it and lift it to my ear.

“Hello?” I ask.

“Hello Brendon”

I know that voice. The last time I heard it was four years ago.

“Mom?”

There’s shuffling on the other side.

“Why are you calling?” I ask carefully.

“I already told your bastard boyfriend the reason for my call.” She hisses.

“Mom …” I start menacingly but she cuts me off.

“No, don’t start this again. I’m not calling in a try to convince you again. I already tried.”

“What is it then?”

She sighs and then I hear something that sounds like a sob.

“Mom?”

“Your father died, Brendon.”

I tense up at that.

Did she just say what I think she said?

“W-what?”

“He died yesterday.”

I look around frantically and cover my mouth with my hands. The phone falls to the floor.

I didn’t know that someone could feel so many things at a time.

Sadness, confusion, panic, disbelief, frustration.

Ryan grabs the phone and tells my mother something before he hangs up and puts it away. When he’s in front of me again I see that his eyes are red as well.

“I’m so sorry, Bren.” He sobs.

I nod and bite my lip.

Then I reach out to press Ryan against me. He wraps his arms around my middle and keeps whispering  _‘I love you’_ and  _‘I’m sorry’_.

I bury my face in his hair and just cry.

After what feels like half an hour, I let go and take a step back. I’m still crying silently and Ryan reaches out to caress my cheek.

“Hey, at least he loved you.” He says with a sad smile.

“He didn’t. He threw me out of his house. I don’t even know why I’m crying over it.” I choke out and wipe my tears away.

“Brendon, he was your father after all. He raised you. He’s still a part of your life.” Ryan says softly.

“He was … Did you cry when your father died?” I ask without thinking.

Ryan’s eyes widen and he looks down.

“That’s not the same. I wasn’t- ”

“Did you?”

“… No”

I watch him for a while but he doesn’t raise his gaze.

“Booh!”

Sam runs into the kitchen, covered in the blanket again.

Ryan doesn’t even turn around to look at him and I just feel kind of helpless.

“You have to run away now! I’m a ghost!”

I wait a few seconds before I walk past Ryan to kneel in front of Sam.

“This is not a good moment, Sammy. Don’t you want to play in your room?” I ask.

Sam yanks the blanket off his head clumsily.

“No!” he stops and blinks a few times. “You look sad. Why are you sad?”

I just smile sadly and look down.

When Sam reaches out with both of his hands to grab one of mine I look up again.

“You are always sad. What is so sad?” the kid asks and tilts his head.

“That is not true.” I say.

“But something is not right.”

I sigh and look behind me. Ryan raises his gaze and shrugs.

“Okay, yes there is something wrong. That person on the phone was my mother. She told me that my father … is dead.” I explain slowly.

Sam’s eyes widen and he jumps forward. He wraps his arms around my middle in a try to hug me.

“Don’t cry, Brenny. He is in heaven now.” The boy says.

I would have rolled my eyes if someone else told me that, but this is Sam. He is a kid and he doesn’t understand most things. I’m actually pretty impressed because he acts older than he really is.

We stay like that for a while and the silence starts to get uncomfortable.

“I think we should just … sleep.” Ryan says when it gets unbearable.

I want to untangle myself from Sam, but he makes an unpleased noise and holds on.

“Alright, hold on.” I whisper and pick him up.

I turn to look at Ryan. He looks uneasy and is biting his lip.

“Hey, are you okay?” I ask and he nods.

“I’m sorry. I should ask  _you_  that.” He laughs seriously.

“No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have mentioned your father.”

“Where is your daddy, Ryan?” Sam asks.

Ryan looks down and doesn’t respond.

“Is he in heaven, too?”

“If at all he’s in hell.” Ryan whispers harshly and runs past me and out of the room.

I watch him go and prevent a sigh.

“Where is his daddy?” Sam asks again.

“He died a very long time ago.” I explain.

“And his mommy?”

“She left when he was really little.”

Sam frowns.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t want a child. Maybe she realized that she didn’t want to have a family like that after all.”

Sam pouts and rests his head on my shoulder.

“I don’t understand that.” He says and yawns.

I catch myself smiling and walk out of the kitchen and into the bedroom.

Ryan is already lying under the covers without moving. Carefully I set Sam down.

“Put your pyjamas on, okay?” I tell him and the boy nods and runs out of the room.

When I know that he’s in his room, I change into my own pyjamas quickly and crawl onto the bed.

“Ry” I say softly and grab the blanket that is covering his face.

Under it he’s crying.

“I’m sorry that I mentioned your father.” I say and reach out to wipe his bangs out of his face.

“It’s not because of my bastard of a father. It’s just … it’s not fair that people like him live for so long and your dad dies so young.” He sobs. “Okay, maybe it is because of my father as well. Sorry,  _you_  should be crying.”

Finally I lie down next to him.

“It’s okay. I didn’t see my dad for six years. I don’t even know why I cried at first. I think I just remembered my childhood and back then he was a great dad. You’re just an emotional person, Ry. That’s something you can be proud of.”

When I finish, I hear toddling footsteps and then Sam jumps onto the bed and crawls between us.

“No more being sad!” he babbles and cuddles up to Ryan.

It’s rare that he cuddles with me but I can live with that. I just curl around both of them.

“Are you an orphan too, Ryan?” the kid asks out of sudden.

Ryan lets out a dry laugh.

“Yes” he sighs then.

“We can be orphans together.”

“And what about me?” I ask with a smile.

“Oh, don’t worry, Brenny. Me loves you anyway.” Sam giggles.

“And what about Ryan?” I ask with a look at Ryan.

“Ryan loves you too.” Ryan says.

I smile at him and cuddle closer.

We stay like that till Sam’s breathing evens out.

Today I found out that my father is dead but somehow I’m still happy right now.

Quietly I start to sing.

“I love you. You love me. We’re a happy family.”

Ryan’s eyes open a bit to reveal those glowing orbs and he looks up at me. Then he just cuddles closer without a word.

Sam sighs between us and I think about the fact that we could have lost him today.

I move down to kiss the boy’s head. Then I cuddle close again to do the same to Ryan who is already asleep.

I decide that I don’t care about what happens to my old family. All that matters is to keep this one from falling apart.

With that in mind I drift off to sleep.

 

*

 

_We drive along a road I don’t know. Everything is pitch-black except for the lights shining onto the street in front of us. Ryan is sitting in the passenger seat and Sam is in the back._

_I don’t know where we’re driving but I don’t care._

_Suddenly there’s a truck in front of us and crashes right into our car. My head hits the steering wheel hard and I when everything is still I groan and look up again. I turn my head and whimper when I see the blood._

_There’s so much blood. Ryan fell forward, his face covered by his bangs. I reach out to remove the hair from his forehead. There’s so much blood covering his face._

_I start to get hysterical and look behind me._

_A loud cry escapes me._

_Blood is running down Sam’s head and dripping off his chin._

_“No!” I whimper just when the door opens and someone yanks me out of the car. “NO!”  
When we’re about ten meters away the car explodes and I start to yell from the top of my lungs._

 

“Ryan!” I yell as I shoot up in bed.

My breathing is hysterical and tears are rolling down my cheeks.

I look next to me to see that Ryan and Sam are still lying there. Ryan groans and opens his eyes a bit, still half-asleep.

“Huh?”

I lung forward and curl around both of them again.

“Are you okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you.” I whisper.

“’m okay. Nightmare?”  
I nod and kiss his cheek before I roll over again and get out of the bed.

“Bren?”

“I’ll be right back.” I say and grab a jacket.

My steps seem way too loud in the silent apartment when I rush through the hall. I grab the pack of cigarettes and leave through the front door.

I jump down the stairs and run out of the door. Once outside I take a deep breath. I don’t know what time it is but it’s still dark. I light a cigarette and lean against the wall, closing my eyes to calm down.

After a few minutes, I hear footsteps and open my eyes. Ryan is walking towards me. He’s just wearing his thin pyjama pants and t-shirt and is hugging himself. He stops in front of me and his gaze wanders from the cigarette in my hands to my face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks sleepily.

“Nothing” I sigh.

“You’re not smoking because of nothing. You just do it when you’re very upset.”

I stare at him and he tightens his grip around himself and bites his lip. I bring the cigarette to my mouth and inhale one last time before I throw it to the ground. Ryan stares at it before he walks closer to stand next to me so we’re both leaning against the wall. He’s shivering and so I take my jacket off to wrap it around him.

“Aren’t you cold?” he whispers.

“I’m okay.”

He nods and swallows before he continues.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I had a bad dream. That’s all.”  
“What happened?”

Vivid pictures of my dream come into my mind again and force me to wrap my arms around Ryan.

“You died. You and Sam. Both of you died.” I whisper weakly. “It was the same scenario that happened to Sam’s parents.”

Ryan nods and presses closer.

“I’m okay. Sam is okay. Everything is alright.”

“I know. I just … I know it’s just a dream, but I always took you for granted. I know that the incident four years ago should show me otherwise but since then I think that nothing is going to happen again. Now I know that there is always the possibility that something happens.”

“So what? From now on you’re going to look after me even more?”

I nod.

“Oh god, you already annoy me enough as it is.” Ryan laughs.

I don’t laugh.

We stay like this for a while longer and then we decide that it’s time to go inside again.

“I doubt that Sam even stirred but we should go in anyway.” Ryan giggles.

I wrap one arm around his shoulders and pull him close while we walk in again.

When we’re back in the apartment we head straight for the bedroom and like Ryan said, Sam didn’t move at all.

I let go of him and we lie down in the same position than before.

“And now stop worrying and sleep. I’m tired.” Ryan says and gets comfortable.

“Ryan, I love you.” I whisper and he smiles.

“I love you too.”

I try to cuddle closer but Ryan groans.

“Stop, you’re crushing me.” He mumbles.

“I love you” I repeat and place a kiss on his forehead.

Ryan nods and sighs happily.

A few minutes pass in silence and Ryan seems to be asleep already. I can’t sleep right now so I just watch him.

I never really thought about this but I can be happy to have him. I mean, I probably have the prettiest boyfriend in the whole world. No, pretty isn’t the right word.

I have the most beautiful one. Inside and out.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

When I wake up the next morning it’s probably the first time I’m not woken by someone jumping on top of me. I look down to see that Sam is still curled up against me.

“Hey Sammy. You still asleep?” I ask quietly.

The boy squeals and turns around.

“Do you want breakfast?”

“Food!”

It’s amazing how Sam can change between being tired and being completely awake.

“Do you want to eat the cereal we bought?”

“Yes!” he yells and rolls off the bed.

I laugh and force myself out of bed as well. When I stumble into the kitchen he’s already sitting on the table.

“I’m hungry!” he whines.

I ignore him and get out a bowl, milk and the cereal and pour it together. I get out a spoon and set it all down in front of Sam.

“Are you able to eat it without pouring it all over yourself?” I ask with raised eyebrows.

He beams and nods.

“Good”

When the phone rings, I send Sam a last warning look before I walk into the living room to get it.

“Hello?” I ask while going back into the kitchen because I don’t trust that kid.

“Oh god why?” the person on the other line says.

I really start to hate that voice. It’s Brendon’s mother.

“What do you want this time?” I ask and pinch the bridge of my nose.

“Tell my son that I’m going to come by later today.”

“What?! You so aren’t!”

“I am!”

“He’s not going to let you in anyway.”  
“What makes you think that?”

“A lot of things. First of all, he basically stopped calling you his family. Think about it. Then, you insulted me and I’m his boyfriend after all.”

“He’s not going to stay with you forever. This is just a phase. I don’t know why god needed to punish him or us but he’ll have his reasons.”

I sigh.

“I’m going to hang up now.”

“One day he will leave you.”

“Oh just leave us alone already. I was at that point already. I had my trust issues and I don’t need that again. Thank you very much.”

“This will end, you’ll see.”

“Okay, if you say so.” I say sarcastically. “Goodbye”

I hang up and throw the phone onto the counter.

Just now I look over at Sam who is staring at me with big eyes, his chin covered in milk.

“Oh honey, not again. Are your clothes dirty as well?” I whine and walk over to him to see that his shirt is covered in milk and cereal as well. “Great, come on, eat up. I’ll have to wash those clothes.”

He just giggles and starts to shovel the cereal into his mouth again.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

I’m home early today.

When I open the door to the apartment I hear a soft thump and then Sam is running towards me.

“Brenny!”

I throw my backpack to the ground and pick him up.

“Hey little guy. Where did you leave my boyfriend?”

“I’m right here.” Ryan says when he walks towards me. “You didn’t answer your phone. I tried to call you.”

“Yeah, sorry. I forgot to charge it last night.” I say and put Sam down. “What is it? Is everything okay?”

“Well, I don’t know how to say it. Your mom called. Again.”

I sigh and start walking into the kitchen, Ryan and Sam following me.

“She wants to visit you today. Other than that she told me that you’re going to leave me because this is just a phase but I just ignore that.”

“You know that’s not true right?”

He nods.

“Good. Wait, what? She wants to visit? You mean, she wants to come here?”

Another nod.

“Oh fuck”

“What does fuck mean?” Sam asks.

“Don’t say that. It’s a bad word.” Ryan hisses and glares at me just when there’s a knock on the door.

“Oh, fabulous.” He whines and rolls his eyes.

I hit my head against the wall hard.

“Ouch” Sam squeaks.

I take a deep breath and walk along the hall again to open the front door. I hesitate and bite my lip before I open it.

“Brendon” my mother says while she observes me.

“Mother” I say sarcastically.

She looks different. Her hair is short now but still brown like mine. Her whole face looks a bit tenser.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” she asks angrily.

“Actually I really don’t want to.”

“You’re unbelievable.” She hisses and pushes past me.

“Excuse me!” I say loudly while she looks around with narrowed eyes.

“This apartment is a shithole.”

“Oh you don’t know where we lived before that.”

“We … right. Where is that abomination of yours?”

“Don’t even mention Ryan. You’re not going any further than this.”

She glares at me and stomps along the hall.

“Mom! Get out of my apartment!” I yell and follow her.

Just when she’s about to walk into the kitchen Ryan stomps out and closes the door in front of her.

“So you’re the bastard I was talking to, the one who ruined my son!” my mother yells and Ryan just sighs.

He stays silent and leans against the wall.

“Brendon, I can’t understand you. I just can’t.” she barks and stares at Ryan who just stares back with those piercing eyes.

“What’s wrong with you? You look … not normal.” My mother says carefully.

He just keeps staring at her. Her gaze of confusion turns into a glare again.

“Mom. Get out!” I yell but she ignores me.

“Something is wrong with you! What are you?” she asks Ryan who just stares at her with raised eyebrows. “Oh my god! Now everything makes sense. You did all of this on purpose. You’re some kind of demon.”

Ryan blinks at her a few times and then looks over at me in disbelief.

“A demon? Really?” he asks and a dry laugh escapes him.

“You’re evil!” my mother yells and points at him.

“Mom, he’s really the complete opposite of that.” I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration.

My mother just wants to say something when there’s a shattering noise in the kitchen. Ryan rushes inside and I push past my mother to see what happened.

Sam is lying on the ground, broken glass around him. Ryan is already crouching down beside him to pick him up carefully.

“What happened?” he asks softly.

“I wanted orange juice b-but I c-couldn’t reach the glass a-and then it fell d-down.” Sam sobs.

Ryan sets him down on the table and takes the hand Sam is holding to his chest to look at it. There’s a deep cut on his palm that covers his tiny hand in blood.

The boy cries loudly and shakes with every sob.

“Shh, come on, we’ll get that piece of glass out and then I’ll clean you up. It’s okay.” Ryan soothes and picks the kid up again to leave the room. Most likely to go to the bathroom.

I stay in the kitchen and my gaze falls onto my mother. She is looking after Ryan with wide eyes.

“He’s so evil.” I say sarcastically and she turns her head to look at me.

“Who is this boy?” she asks.

“That’s Sam. His parents died in a car accident and just before the car exploded Ryan got him out of it. We are taking care of him now.”

She blinks at me and I just can’t place her expression.

“Ryan is probably the most innocent person I know. You don’t know what happened to him. You don’t know anything about him so don’t even try to understand and most of all: Don’t you ever insult him again.” I whisper menacingly.

Her eyes narrow again.

“Did you look at him?”

“Don’t”

“He is not normal.”

“I know that, but my god, he’s not a demon. Those things don’t exist you crazy woman.”

“Then tell me what is wrong with him.”

“There is nothing wrong with him.”

“You just agreed that he’s not normal.”

I just glare at her.

“If he turned you into this then he has to be evil.”

“You just refuse to understand! He’s more of an angel than a demon if things like that would exist.”

She laughs sarcastically.

“Angels respect the laws god created. This boy can’t be an angel.”

“Why not … oh right, that was a stupid question. I’m sorry. It’s because he’s gay of course.”

“Yes” she says proudly.

I laugh angrily.

“Leave. Get out!” I yell and point to the door.

“No, it is against my priorities but I think I’m the one who has to do the right thing here.” She sighs.

I raise my eyebrows at her.

“You can’t stay with him. What if he hurts you?”

I start to laugh loudly.

“That is impossible on so many levels.” I say.

“Why?”

“I already told you. You don’t know what happened. So get out and never come back.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“No”

She takes a deep breath and glares even more.

“Leave” I say but she shakes her head.

“I’m here because your father died, Brendon.”

“Good, you were here. Now you can go.”

“Don’t you want to know why he died?”

I remain silent.

“He had cancer. They diagnosed it three years ago.”

I nod and look away.

“Aren’t you sad? He was your father!”

“Yes, I am sad. But the last time I saw him was six years ago. What do you expect me to do? Cry forever? Yes, I did cry, but then I realized how pathetic that is, seeing the situation. Ryan tried to tell me that he loved me but when I think about it I know that’s not true.”

“Of course he loved you.”

“He threw me out of the damn house!”

“He did that to teach you a lesson. We just wanted you to get better and that was the way we tried to reach that.”

“There was nothing wrong with me! I just started thinking on my own!”

“We worried about you.”

“Oh really? Then why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you apologize? Oh I know why. Because you’re not sorry. You still think that it’s okay to abandon your own son! There was only one person in this family who accepted me and she’s dead!”

My mother frowns in confusion.

“My aunt! Your sister. I got her house when she died.”

“Oh, you mean Clarice. Yes, she was just like you.”

“And that’s so bad?”

She isn’t listening and seems to think.

“Do you mean that big mansion on the island?”

I startle.

“Yes, how- ”

“I know where she lived and I know that the house was the reason for her death.”

My mouth falls open. She knows it? She knows about the house.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about her?” I ask.

“She would have been a bad influence.”

“No. She didn’t even know me and  _I_  got her house instead of  _you_. She apologized for your behavior and she helped us to get out of there. Without her we would be dead.”

She blinks at me a few times.

“What are you talking about?”

“When I first visited the house there was a boy. He told me that he lives there but that wasn’t the truth.” I stop to think if it is a good idea to tell her this. “Do you believe in …  ghosts?”

“Ghosts? No. A soul goes to heaven or hell when the body dies.”

“That’s not true. Believe it or not. Anyway, that boy was dead. He was a ghost and he was locked in that house. It wouldn’t let his soul go. I promised to help him and I found a way to do so.”

There’s not expression on my mother’s face at all and she just remains silent.

“That boy would be Ryan. He’s alive and he’s not a demon or an angel or whatever. He’s alive because of me and I love him. I’m not going to leave him. I can’t and I won’t. I don’t care what you want or what you think.”

When I finish I see that Ryan is standing in the door, Sam in his arms.

Fuck, he heard this.

He just looks at me without emotion.

My gaze wanders over to my mother again when she walks towards me to place a hand on my shoulder.

“Brendon, you need help.” She says slowly.

“What?!” I yell. “I knew it. It was a mistake to tell you.”

“That story is absurd. It is not possible.”

“Get out of my apartment!”

“No, you need help.”

“GET THE FUCK OUT!” Ryan yells.

In time with his yelling the few glasses on the counter burst and the glass fragments fly everywhere. I stumble a few steps back and stare at the pieces of glass lying on the ground. Then I turn around and stare at Ryan. His mouth is hanging open and his eyes are wide.

Suddenly everything is too silent. I look over at my mother who is staring at Ryan as well.

After a few minutes of silent staring Sam starts to cry and Ryan rushes out of the room.

“Wow” I whisper. “I didn’t know he- … do you believe me now?”

My mother nods.

“Fine. Now you can leave.”

She looks over at me with a glare.

“I’m not going to say it again. I want you to leave now and I don’t want to see you ever again.”

“You can’t survive without a family.”

“I have a family.”

She swallows and then rushes out of the room. A few seconds later I hear the front door slam shut.

I stand there in the kitchen for a few minutes longer before I decide to look after Ryan. When I’m in the hall I see that the bedroom door isn’t completely shut. Slowly I go inside.

Ryan is sitting on the bed with Sam in his lap. The boy is still silently crying and Ryan is just stroking through his hair.

When I’m in front of the bed he looks up at me.

“Is she gone?” he asks and I nod. “Good”

“I’m sorry she insulted you.”

“Not your fault.”

I sit down next to him on the bed.

“I didn’t know I can do that.” Ryan whispers.

“Well, I never made you that angry.”

“I just want to rip my hair out. People like her make me so angry. I just hate them so much.”

I stay silent and wrap one arm around him.

My gaze lowers when Sam moves in Ryan’s lap. The boy looks up at us with big eyes.

“She’s gone.” I tell him.

“Who was that lady?”

“My mother”

“Huh? But she was so mean. Mommies can’t be mean.”

“Well, she was.”

“She said bad things about Ryan. She yelled.”

I nod.

“Why did she say it?”

“She doesn’t think like us. You wouldn’t understand. Let’s just say that she doesn’t like Ryan. The things she said aren’t true.”

“I know that Ryan is not evil.”

“Good” I whisper and pat his head

“Are we going to see her again?” Ryan asks.

“I don’t think so.”

He smiles and rests his head on my shoulder.

“I hope you’re not upset because of the things she said.” I whisper down to Ryan.

“Why would I be? She’s crazy.”

“Yes”

“I’m bored!” Sam yells. “And I want orange juice.”

“Oh, I forgot. How is your hand?” I ask and reach out.

He places his tiny hand in mine. It’s covered in bandages.

“You have to be more careful.” I say and let his hand go.

He nods and looks down.

“Next time you want orange juice, just tell me. Would have prevented me from a lot of panic.” Ryan says seriously and Sam nods again.

“Anyway, did you plan on making some food soon? I’m starving.” I whine and Ryan rolls his eyes.

“Yes! Food!” Sam cheers.

Ryan struggles out of my grip and jumps off the bed.

“I swear sometimes I feel like I’m living with two children instead just one.” He mumbles on his way into the kitchen.

I grin at Sam and hold my palm up and he smiles and high-fives me.

 

*

 

My mom isn’t trying to contact us anymore and that’s really calming. I think I would go crazy if she would try something again.

The next few weeks pass without other incidents and in no time two month pass.

It’s a normal Monday. I hate Mondays so much.

I’m already at work and checking on the new stuff that just arrived when my phone starts to ring. I groan and get it.

“Yes?” I ask.

“Hello, this is Violet Miller.”

Oh god. Not that woman again.

“Alright, what is it?”

“I just wanted to let you know that I arranged a few meetings with families. Is this afternoon okay?”

I frown and think for a moment.

“No, actually that’s not okay.”

“Oh, what about tomorrow then?”

“I don’t know. Is it okay if I just call you when I know?”

“Yes, I guess that’s alright. I’ll wait for your call then.”

“Okay” I say and hang up.

I bite my lip and sigh before I go through the stuff again.

 

*

 

It’s later than usual when I finally arrive at home.

I’m a bit confused when there’s no one coming to greet me, not even Sam. Slowly I walk though the hall and look in every room.

When I look into the living room I smile and stop in the door.

Ryan is lying on the couch asleep with Sam cuddled up next to him. Ryan’s arm is around the boy so that he’s not falling off.

I walk in and crouch down in front of the couch.

“Hey Ry” I whisper.

Ryan frowns in his sleep and groans. Carefully I reach out to caress his cheek. At first he’s confused when he opens his eyes but then his gaze rests on me and he smiles.

“Hey, you’re late.” He whispers and yawns.

“Sorry”

“It’s okay.”

I just watch him for a while before I speak again.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

He looks confused but nods and gets up slowly in a try to not wake Sam. When he’s off the couch he grabs a blanket and throws it over the boy’s body. He nods towards me and we retreat into the kitchen.

“What is it?” Ryan asks.

I sigh and step right in front of him to grab his shoulders.

“Ryan, let’s be completely serious for a moment, okay?”

He nods quickly.

“Mrs Miller called to tell me that she wants to arrange a few meetings with families.”

“Okay” Ryan says and bites his lip.

“I told her that I’m going to call her when we’re free.”

Ryan nods.

“But … even if we find a nice family … would we be able to let Sam go?” I ask and wait for Ryan’s response.

He swallows and keeps biting his lip.

“What are you trying to say?” he asks and looks up at me.

“Well, I think I’m trying to say that I want to call Mrs Miller to tell her that she can stop looking for families.”

“What?”

“Ry, both of us would go crazy if Sam would live with someone else. You know, I always say that we’re a family. What if we really are the right family for him?”

Ryan looks away and stays silent.

“Ry? Say something.”

His head stays turned away for at least five more minutes before he finally speaks.

“I don’t think they’ll let Sam stay with us just like that. Natasha may help us but she’s one person, Bren. Mrs Miller didn’t even like the idea of us looking after him, why would she let him stay completely then?”

“You forget one important fact about all of this. Sam wants to stay with us. He already made that clear.”

Ryan bites his lip again in thought.

“The kid in question is on our side. How can we lose?” I ask.

The silence that follows stays for another five minutes and then Ryan looks at me and smiles.

“Okay” he whispers and I start to smile as well.

“So just to make things clear. We are agreeing that we want to adopt Sam. That’s a serious decision.”

Ryan smiles again and nods.

“Uhm, alright. I’m calling the evil lady.” I cheer and beam at him.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

One day later we’re sitting in Mrs Miller’s office again. When Mrs Miller walks in Sam sticks out his tongue at her and I just try to prevent a smile and hold him closer to me.

“Alright, how can I help you?” she asks and sits down on the table.

“Well, I just want to tell you that you don’t need to look for other families.” Brendon says with a smile.

“What? Why?”

“We already found a family for Sam.”

“Oh really? Who would that be?” she asks and leans forward with a slight glare.

“Us”

She just blinks at him a couple of times.

“What? Wait wait wait. Are you telling me that you want to adopt Sam?”

Brendon looks over at me and I nod. Then he looks at Mrs Miller again.

“Yes”

She lets out a surprised chuckle and leans back.

“Excuse me but that is not possible. You have no qualifications of any sort.”

“We took care of him for three month now. He’s still alive, isn’t he?”

“He is, yes, but … I’m sorry. You are too young and your family situation isn’t the best one for a child.”

“You mean that we’re gay?”

“Obviously”

“I don’t understand why you always think that gay people can’t raise a child. I don’t get your problem? Do you think that we’re going to turn him gay as well or that we won’t be able to love him enough? We are just like every other couple and do you want to know my opinion about this? We are better for him than every other  _normal_  couple could be.”

She would be dead if looks could kill. Brendon is glaring at her in a way I never saw before.

She takes a deep breath and shakes her head to herself.

“Are you really completely sure that this is the right decision?” she asks carefully.

“Yes” Brendon says quickly.

“What about you, Ryan?”

“We wouldn’t be able to let him go if another family would take him. This is the right decision.” I say.

“I guess I don’t have to ask Sam.”

I smile a bit and look down at the boy who is kind of biting his tiny hand. I take his hands in mine to prevent him from doing it.

“Alright, I see. But I can’t just let you adopt him immediately. He has to stay with you for another three month in a testing phase before the adoption is set up. Till then you should decide who of you is going to be the signing parent since you’re not married.” She says with a sigh at the end.

“Okay” Brendon says and gets up. “That’s all, right?”

“Yes, that’s all. I’m going to see you in three month then.”

“Yes”

I get up as well and Brendon takes my hand. When we’re out of the office, Brendon wraps his arms around me on what Sam squeaks because he’s trapped between us.

“This is the right thing.” Brendon says and I nod.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

“He’s getting your last name.” Ryan says while we’re eating dinner that evening.

I just look up at him and continue to chew.

“What? I don’t want him to get mine. I’m officially dead, Brendon.”

I shrug.

“Okay, but then you’re the outsider here.” I tell him with a smirk.

Ryan just rolls his eyes.

“I want ice cream!” Sam yells.

“You already got ice cream on the way home, sweetie.” Ryan says without looking at him.

“But I want!”

“Maybe tomorrow”

“No!”

“It’s too late anyway.”

Sam pouts and looks at me.

“No, Ryan is right.” I say and he pouts even more.

“Fuck!” the boy yells.

“Sam!” Ryan hisses. “I told you not to say that word!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Say it one more time and I swear- ”

“Fuck!”

“Alright, you’re sleeping in your room tonight.”

“Ryan …” I start but he just glares at me.

Okay, it’s my fault that Sam even knows that word.

Sam stays silent after that and when we finished eating I wash the dishes while Ryan gets the boy into bed.

When Ryan walks into the kitchen again I raise my eyebrows at him.

“He didn’t say a single word. He’s probably still angry because he didn’t get ice cream.” He sighs with a fake smile.

“That doesn’t mean that he hates you now.” I whisper softly.

Nodding to himself, he turns again.

“I’m going to bed already.” He mumbles and leaves the room.

I sigh to myself and continue to wash the dishes. It takes me ten minutes and then I’m done. I turn off the lights and creep through the hall and into the bedroom. My gaze stays on the body under the covers for a few seconds before I close the door behind me and crawl into bed next to Ryan.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“Yes”

“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you four years ago. Just because you had a fight doesn’t mean that he hates you now.”

“But it could happen so easily, that he starts to hate us, I mean.”

“Why do you think that?”  
“We’re not his parents. You know, you’re kind of forced to love your parents in a way, but he could stop to like us.”

“That is bullshit. We are the best examples for that. You hated your parents and I don’t love mine as well.”

“But I never thought of leaving my father. You were forced to leave but you would have stayed. Sam could leave.”

“You’re thinking too much. Yes he’s angry, but he’s not even four years old, Ry. He will forget this in an hour.”

Ryan stays silent and just stares at the pillow.

“Ryan, he- ”

I stop when I hear the door open. Then I hear quick footsteps before Sam jumps onto the bed. The moonlight lights up his face and I see that he’s crying. He crawls over me and towards Ryan. The kid lies down and cuddles close to him, sobbing into his shirt. Ryan wraps his arms around him and keeps staring at the pillow.

“I don’t want to sleep alone.” Sam sobs.

“You don’t have to.” Ryan whispers.

“Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

I feel left out when I watch them. Why did Ryan ever say that he doesn’t know how to deal with kids?

Well, I guess even the fact that I grew up in a house full of kids can’t change that Sam will always run to Ryan first. I can’t really tell why that is though. Maybe because Ryan got him out of that car. Maybe because Ryan is with him most of the time. Maybe because Sam knows that Ryan needs him just as much.

I don’t know and I don’t care.

I move as close to them as I dare. When Ryan finally locks his gaze with mine he reaches one hand out to motion me to come closer. I smile and cuddle close.

 

*

 

“William! I need your help!” I yell when I walk into his store about a week later.

William’s head appears in the door to the backroom.

“Brendon? Aren’t you at work?” he asks and steps out of the room.

“I own that thing. No one cares if I appear.” I say.

“Uhm, okay. What do you need?” He asks and leans onto the counter.

“You’re the girl in the relationship as well so you should be able to tell what Ryan would like, right?”

He blinks a few times with big eyes.

“I don’t know if I should be offended but I do know that Ryan would hit you for that.” He says with a chuckle.

“Are you going to help me?”

“Maybe, what is this about?”

I bite my lip and think about it one last time before I tell William everything.

When I finish he smiles and walks around the counter to wrap one arm around my shoulders.

“My friend, we’re going shopping.” He says with a big smile.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

It’s just a bit after noon when I hear a key in the door.

Sam jumps off the couch and runs out of the room. I frown and get up as well to follow.

“Hey, you’re early.” I say when I see Brendon.

He beams and picks Sam up.

“There wasn’t that much to do so I decided to come home early.” He says and kisses me.

“Okay” I say with confusion.

“We should go out a bit. Maybe get some ice cream?” Brendon asks into Sam’s direction.

“We don’t have to.” Sam says carefully.

“Of course we have to!” Brendon says with fake seriousness.

“Okay!” Sam cheers.

I laugh and follow Brendon out of the apartment.

 

Half an hour later we’re sitting in a small ice cream shop.

Brendon got an iced coffee and Sam got his beloved ice cream. I didn’t get anything and just watch the people around us. A couple on a table across from us keeps glaring at us and I just stare at them. Next to them is a family with small children and they keep yelling around. Then there’s a young couple making out.

“Earth to Ryan!” Brendon sing-songs and I snap out of my trance.

“Huh?”

“You spaced out.”

“Sorry”

He just smiles at me in awe and leans over the table to kiss me.

“Bren, not here.” I whisper when he draws back.

“Why not? I want to show off my boyfriend.”

I bite my lip and just then the couple gets up and walks past our table.

“Maybe you should keep it down at bit. Some people try to eat in here.” The woman hisses.

Brendon’s smile fades and an expression of rage covers it.

“Keep your homophobic thoughts to yourself.” He whispers.

“No, this is disgusting.” She says a bit louder.

“Brenny kisses Ry because he loves him.” Sam babbles and looks up at the woman.

Her eyebrows shoot up and my mouth falls open. Sam seems to understand more than we think he does.

The couple hurries out of the shop and I lock eyes with Brendon.

“So uhm, anyway … I asked Will to look after Sam tomorrow evening.” Brendon says when he finishes his iced coffee.

“What? Why?” I ask.

“I just thought we should go out.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea to leave Sam with Will?”

“Gabe is going to be there as well.”

“Sam doesn’t know them.”

“Sam, do you know William?” Brendon asks the boy.

“Yep!” the kid says and continues to eat his ice cream.

“You see? And he’s going to like Gabe.”

“What makes you think that? Gabe is crazy. He wanted you to sell me.”

“Yes, because you’re so pretty.”

I roll my eyes and Brendon leans over to Sam again.

“Sammy, do you think Ry is pretty?”

“Ryan is the prettiest!” Sam cheers.

“You see?”

“Stop using the poor boy. He will say everything you want anyway.” I tell him.

“No, that’s not true. Sammy, William is prettier than Ry”

“No!” Sam yells and a few heads turn into our direction.

Brendon just smiles proudly.

“You’re stupid.” I laugh.

By the time Sam finished his ice cream he’s covered in it.

“Great. I have to wash your clothes when we get home.” I sigh and get up. “I’ll get a few tissues.”

Making my way over to the counter where the tissues are, I try to ignore the looks everyone sends me.

“Hey, are you free this evening?” the guy behind the counter asks just when I grabbed three tissues.

“No” I say and make to turn away.

“Stop! Sorry, that wasn’t very intelligent.”

“Leave me alone.”

Without waiting for his reaction I run to our table again.

“What did that guy want?” Brendon asks with narrowed eyes.

“You know the answer.” I whisper and start to clean Sam’s face and hands with the tissues.

“I think I’m going to kick his a- ”

“Bren!” I say menacingly. “Say that word and  _you_  are going to sleep in another room tonight.”

“Oh, you would just crawl over to my side because you can’t sleep when I’m not there.”

I roll my eyes and smile.

Just when I sat down again I see the guy from before. He’s making his way over to us.

“Oh god” I whisper to myself.

He stops in front of our table and takes the dirty dishes.

“So?” he asks and looks at me.

Brendon gets up without saying anything and yanks the guy away by the arm. They disappear around the corner and I hear dishes break.

“Who was that guy?” Sam asks.

“Uhm”

His head leans to the side and he keeps waiting for an answer.

When Brendon comes back he doesn’t sit down and just leans down to us.

“We’re leaving.”

I nod and get up. He picks Sam up and we leave the shop quickly.

“Brendon, who was that guy?” Sam asks again.

“You remember how we agreed that Ryan is pretty? Well, that guy thought that too.” Brendon explains.

“Huh?”

“He wanted Ryan to be his boyfriend.”

“But you are Ryan’s boyfriend.”

“Exactly.”

“What did you do?” I ask.

“Let’s say he’s not going to try it again.”

“Did you hurt him?”

“It’s just going to be a black eye.”

“Bren!”

“What? No one hits on you when I’m around.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“No, I’m not.”

He takes my hand.

“Where are we going?” Sam asks loudly.

“Home” Brendon says.

“Can we play with my plushies then?”

“Of course”

 

*

 

I have to admit that Brendon scares me a bit.

Since he came home the next day he keeps cuddling and kissing me and stuff like that.

“Bren, what is it with you today?” I ask just when he nuzzles my neck yet again.

We’re sitting on the couch, watching TV. Sam is sitting in my lap and watches Spongebob. Maybe it’s not the best idea to let him watch it but he’s going to spend the evening with Gabe and William. It can’t get worse anyway.

“I just love you.” Brendon whispers and wraps his arms around me.

“Something is going on and I want to know what it is.”

“Nothing is going on.”

“What are you going to do to me when we’re out of here?” I ask and lean away.

Brendon opens his mouth just when there’s a knock on the door. He smiles a creepy smile and jumps off the couch.

“I guess you’ll see soon enough.” He says and hurries to the door.

“Oh god” I whisper to myself and get up as well.

Sam jumps to the floor and follows me with toddling steps.

When we reach the door Sam stops and looks at William and Gabe with big eyes.

“Hey Ryan! And hey you!” Gabe yells and crouches down.

Sam squeaks and hides behind my leg.

“Oh, don’t be scared. You’re going to love me! We’ll play the whole time till mommy and daddy are back.”

I raise an eyebrow at him and Brendon coughs.

“Ryan is the mommy of course.” Gabe laughs.

I roll my eyes and kneel down in front of Sam.

“Alright. Will and Gabe are going to stay with you. I swear Gabe isn’t that creepy.” I say.

“But he scares me.” Sam whines.

“Back then he scared me as well. He’s a good guy.”

“O-okay”

“Be nice and don’t say bad words. They will get you into bed as well. Maybe Gabe will cuddle with you if you ask nicely.”

“I’m so going to cuddle with you, little guy!” Gabe squeaks.

Sam looks up at him and then back at me.

“But I don’t want to sleep alone.”

“They stay till we’re back.”

He nods and I kiss him on the forehead.

“Oh god, Ry. I swear, if I wouldn’t already know you’re a guy I’d think you’re a girl.” William says.

“Don’t be that scary.” I tell Gabe and just ignore William.

“Aye aye!” Gabe says.

“Okay, ready to go?” Brendon asks.

“I still don’t know what I’m ready for.”

“You’re not ready.” Will says and I frown.

Brendon smiles nervously and pulls me out of the door, closing it behind us without another word.

“Bren, this is getting creepy.”

“Whatever”

He grabs my hand and leads me to the car. When he opens my door for me I stare at him as if he just dyed his hair pink.

“Bren … seriously? I do have a dick.” I say and he shrugs and walks over to the driver seat.

We both get in and he starts the engine.

“I guess you’re still not going to tell me where we’re going?” I ask and he just smiles and says nothing.

I sigh and look out of the window.

At first Brendon drives through the town for a while but then he leaves Vegas and drives out into the desert.

I smile to myself but remain silent.

When he drives off the road and keeps driving for maybe five minutes my smile widens.

When we’re in the middle of nowhere, darkness surrounding us, he stops the car and looks at me.

“Stay in here till I come and get you, okay? And close your eyes.” He says and I nod and close my eyes.

I hear the door open and slam shut again and then I’m alone. The trunk opens and Brendon rummages through some stuff.

“No handcuffs!” I yell and hear him chuckle.

I sit there for at least ten minutes before the door on my side opens.

“Don’t open your eyes.” Brendon whispers and helps me out of the car.

“Are you trying to scare me?” I ask.

“No”

He takes both of my hands and leads me a few feet away from the car. When he stops me and steps away I start to panic.

“Bren?” I ask quickly.

“I’m here.”

“Can I open my eyes?”

“Not yet.”

He takes my hand and places something in it, closing my hand around it. I try to feel what it is but I can’t really think of something. It’s small and somehow metallic.

“Okay, open your eyes.”

I open them and gasp when I look around.

We are standing in a circle of candles in the middle of nowhere. I turn around myself to admire Brendon’s work.

“Wow” I breathe and when I come to a stop in front of Brendon again he’s smiling but it looks nervous.

“Do you like it?” he asks and I nod quickly.

“Yes, I mean … I don’t really know what to say.”

“Ry, you know that I love you, right?”

I nod and beam at him.

“Love you too.”

“And we know that this is going to last forever, right?”

I hesitate for a very short moment before I nod again.

“Okay” he whispers and touches my hand, the one he placed something in.

I look down at it and then up again.

“What is this about?” I ask.

Brendon just looks at my hand and up at me again. I swallow and raise my hand. This has to be important because Brendon is never that nervous about something. He bites his lip and nods at me.

I open my hand and stare at the thing in my palm.

It’s a silver ring.

I stare at it without knowing what to say or feel. I open my mouth several times but close it again. When I look up at Brendon again he smiles hopefully.

“Marry me, Ry.” He whispers.

My gaze lowers to the ring again and I feel tears in my eyes. I raise my free hand to cover my mouth.

“Oh my god” I breathe out.

“Damn, I knew I should have gone down on one knee.” He says and bites his lip.

I shake my head and throw my arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss. It surprises him so that he needs a few moments before he wraps his arms around me as well and kisses back.

“Is that a yes?” he asks when we draw back.

I lean my forehead against his.

“Yes”

Our eyes stay locked for a few seconds and then Brendon picks me up around the waist and laughs.

“Fuck yeah!” he yells.

“What? Did you think I would say no?” I ask when he puts me down again.

“Well, you never know. Everything is possible. I learned that four years ago.”

My smile widens as I hold out my hand. He looks down at it and takes the ring.

“William told me to go for something classic. I hope- ” he babbles.

“Bren, this is perfect.”

He nods and takes my left hand to put the ring on my finger.

“Why now?” I ask.

I don’t know why I ask this but I want to know what made him do this.

“Well, I love you and both of us know that this is going to last forever. But there are many reasons why I wanted to do this now. I want us to be a family when these three month are over. I don’t want us to be Urie, Urie and Ross.”

I raise my eyebrows in amusement.

“Also I can’t stand it to tell guys that you’re mine all the time. Now they’re able to see it. It’s like there’s proof now.”

We just watch each other for a moment.

“Everyone thought we would break up at some point. Well, they don’t know the circumstances but … you know what I mean. This is kind of the real thing, you know?”

I nod.

“I didn’t need that many reasons. A simple  _I love you_  would have done it.” I say.

“Whatever”

He leans forward to kiss me again. When we break apart he looks around.

“I think I’ll just leave the candles here.” He decides.

“You’re just too lazy to clean up your mess.” I laugh and he shrugs.

“True. Now come on. This has to be romantic so let’s watch the stars.”

We step out of the circle of candles and walk over to the car again. We lie down on the hood and stare at the night sky.

I think I never saw that many stars in my entire life (lifes?).

“This is beautiful.” I whisper.

When Brendon stays silent I look next to me and see that he’s staring at me.

“What?”  
“Oh nothing. Just … don’t stop looking at me like that.”

“Why?”

“Because the stars can’t keep up with how beautiful you are.”

I stare at him for a few seconds before I burst out laughing.

“Hey! It took me a while to think about that line.” Brendon whines.

“I’m sorry, but that was just too much.” I laugh and he pouts.

“Oh, fuck you.”

“I love you too.”

Brendon opens his mouth but is cut off when his phone goes off.

“Oh man, why is this thing even working out here?” he grumbles and takes it.

“What?” he hisses and listens for a while.

“Yes, okay, I understand. See you.”

He hangs up and I look at him expectantly.

“That was Will. Sam is crying.”

“We should go home then.”

“Yes, we should.”

After five more minutes we get off the car and get inside. Brendon drives off and I realize that he’s driving a bit faster than before.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

When we get home the apartment is silent.

“Hello?” I ask loudly when I close the door behind us.

“Oh god, finally.” I hear Will say when I see him walk along the hall towards us. “We already got him into bed and he was asleep but then he woke up again and now he won’t stop crying.”

Ryan throws his jacket to the ground and walks past William to disappear in Sam’s room.

“So?” Will asks with a knowing smirk. “I want to know everything. Did you go down on one knee?”

“No”

“Jerk. What did you do?”

“The one with the candles.”

“Oh, yes that’s nice too. And how did he react?”

“Do you even have to ask? This is Ryan we’re talking about.”

“He probably started to cry.” Will laughs.

“Almost” I grin.

When we hear voices we turn to look what is going on. The door to Sam’s room opens and Gabe stumbles out followed by Ryan who is holding a crying Sam.

“Get out!” Ryan says.

“But Ry …” Gabe whines but Ryan just shushes him and points towards the door.

Gabe mumbles something I can’t understand before he walks over to us.

“What did you do this time?” Will asks.

“I just asked him if I can have Sam.” Gabe whispers and shrugs.

“Oh god”

I raise my eyebrows and William rolls his eyes and starts to push Gabe towards the door.

“I’m sorry. Seems like he found something new he likes. We’re out. Goodnight.”

He waves at us and closes the door behind them.

“I’m not going to let Gabe near Sam again.” Ryan says.

A laugh escapes me as I make my way over to them. The kid is still hiding his face in Ryan’s shoulder but I think he’s not crying anymore.

“Where did you go?” his mumbles into the material.

“Out” I say and Ryan glares at me.

“I don’t like to be alone.”

“You were not alone.”

“But you were gone.”

“Now we’re here.” Ryan whispers and turns to walk into the bedroom.

I follow quickly.

He sets Sam down on the edge of the bed and kneels in front of him.

“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have left without you.” He whispers and takes the boy’s hands into his.

Sam looks down and nods.

“That’s my fault.” I say and Ryan’s eyes meet mine.

“No, Bren. You just wanted to make this perfect. I don’t blame you.”

“But it was my idea.”

“It would have been too late for him anyway.”

“What did you do?” Sam asks and we stop talking to look at him.

I crouch down next to Ryan and reach out to take the hand with the ring to show it to Sam.

“Do you know what this means?” I ask.

“Mommy and daddy wore thingies like that too.” The boy says.

“That means that they were married.”

“Married?”

“Yes. When two people really love each other they get married. It means that they want to stay together forever.”

“Oh okay. Why aren’t you wearing a ring?”

“It’s because I just proposed to Ry.”

“Huh?”  
Ryan sighs amused and cuts me off when I try to explain again.

“Brendon decided that we should get married so he bought a ring and gave it to me. We’re not married yet. We’re just officially engaged now.” He explains.

Sam blinks up at us with big eyes.

“Alright, we should sleep.” I say and Ryan nods.

We change into our pyjamas and crawl into bed. Sam cuddles close to Ryan again and I move as close as possible. We lie there in silence for a while and then I notice that Ryan’s breathing evened out. I smile and reach out to wipe his bangs out of his face.

“Are you going to be together forever?” Sam asks and I startle because I thought he’s asleep as well.

“Yes”

“How do you know?”

“I just know.”

“How?”

I let out a chuckle and look down at Ryan’s hand. Just now I notice that Sam’s tiny hands are playing with the ring on Ryan’s finger.

“I can’t ever leave Ry.” I whisper carefully.

“Why?”

“You won’t understand, Sam.”

He looks down where he’s still playing with the ring.

“What about me?” he asks.

“You’re going to stay with us forever as well.”

He keeps fiddling with Ryan’s hand for a while.

“Are you going to be my mommy and daddy?”

“We’re going to be your daddy and daddy.” I say slowly.

He starts to smile.

“Mommy always called her daddy papa.”

I blink at him and he just blinks back.

“C-can I call you Papa?” he whispers.

I almost yell ”Awww!” at that. He keeps staring up at me with those big green eyes and I’m melting inside. I nod and reach forward to curl around both of them.

Sam lets out a squeak and cuddles close.

“Ryan is daddy?” he asks.

I nod again.

Suddenly I really realize what just happened today and what that means.

Ryan and I are going to get married and we took a big step as parents.

“Why are you crying?”

I look down at Sam and frown. I didn’t know I’m crying.

“I-I’m just happy.” I say.

“Okay”

After a few minutes Sam is asleep and I finally close my eyes as well.

 

*

 

I wake up when my alarm clock goes off. A groan escapes me as I try to shut it off. When I finally manage it Ryan and Sam are already groaning as well.

“Bren, what the- ”

“Shh, go to sleep again.” I whisper and lie down again as well.

“Don’t you have to work?”

“I don’t care.”

Ryan smiles and turns his head to bury it in the pillow.

“Choo! Wake up!” Sam yells and crawls out from under the covers.

“No, it’s eight in the morning. That’s way too early.” Ryan whines.

“But I’m hungry!”

“Ten minutes.”

“Daddy, please!”

Ryan freezes and raises his head to look at Sam with his mouth hanging open.

“W-what did you say?”

“I want waffles!”

“Did you call me Daddy?”

Sam nods and beams.

“I’m Papa!” I say loudly without moving.

Ryan opens his mouth but I cut him off.

“And I have to agree with the kid. Food would be awesome.”

I get up and walk into the kitchen, followed by Sam.

“Waffles?”

“Yep”

“Waffles!” he cheers.

A few minutes later Ryan walks in, still somewhat confused. When he stands next to me he starts to whisper.

“When did you two decide that?”

“What do you mean?” I ask with faked confusion.

“You know what I mean. The Daddy and Papa thing.”

“Yesterday when you were already asleep. He asked me if it’s okay.”

“Okay”

He walks over to the table and sits down.

No one says a word till I finish the waffles and sit down on the table as well.

“So are you going to tell your mom?” Ryan asks after a while.

My head shoots up.

“What?”

He raises the hand with the ring.

“Oh, uhm … I don’t think so.”

“Good”

 

*

 

Two month pass till we start to plan the wedding. We would have started earlier but the person who wants to help us with the planning couldn’t be here before that.

“Ryry!” Taylor yells when Ryan opens the door.

She lungs forward to hug him on what he squeaks. When she lets go she spots me.

“Brendon!”

I get a hug as well and when she draws back her gaze rests on Sam. The boy is standing in the door and fiddles with his hands.

“And you have to be Sam. I wish I could have visited earlier. My god, you’re such a cute boy!” she says in that voice women always talk to kids or cute animals.

“Who are you?” the boy asks.

“My name is Taylor. I’m friends with your Daddy.”

I cough and she rolls her eyes but looks up at me.

“I accept you, Bren.”

I glare at her but she just beams at Sam again before she gets up to face Ryan again.

“I didn’t see you guys since … forever.”

“I know. It’s good to see you.” He says.

“Alright. I guess we have a lot to do. The wedding is in three weeks, right?”

We both nod.

“Okay, I’m going to call William.”

“Wait! Why?” I ask quickly.

“Because you need a few people with fashion sense for this since you two aren’t going to plan this.”

Ryan opens his mouth to protest but Taylor raises her hand to his mouth.

“Don’t talk, sweetie. I’ve got this. You just lean back and relax.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” I whisper to Ryan when Taylor disappeared into the living room.

“Let’s see.”

 

*

 

Taylor is right. We don’t hear much from the wedding plans at all and every time I ask she just tells me that she knows what Ryan likes. No one seems to care about me here.

Two weeks we just live like before. I go to work and Ryan stays at home with Sam. The fact that Taylor is there the whole time isn’t really that important since she’s with William most of the time to plan stuff.

One day I come home to find Ryan on the kitchen table, bend over red fabrics.

“Hey” I greet and walk in to kiss him on the cheek. “What are you doing?”

He smiles and sits up straight to show me what he’s working on.

“Do you remember back then at the mansion when I showed you that vest I made? The one with the roses?” he asks with a warm smile.

“Of course I remember.”

“Well, I could convince Taylor to help her decide with the wardrobe.”

I raise my eyebrows at him.

“You liked that vest, right?”

“Yes, I did. You made it yourself, right?” I ask and sit down next to him.

“Yes, I made it myself back then.”

He smiles up at me.

“I still have it, you know. I thought I could … wear it then.” He continues and bites his lip nervously.

I beam at him and lean forward to kiss him.

“That would be perfect, Ry.”

He beams as well and looks down at the materials again.

“What are these for then?” I ask.

“I’ll make another one. A little one.”

“You mean …?”

“I wore mine this morning to check if it still fits and Sam saw it and now he wants one too.”

“You and Sam, both in that … rosevest at our wedding?”

He bites his lip again.

“Perfect” I beam and he relaxes.

I kiss him again and leave him to his work. I decide to lie down on the couch for a bit and watch TV but when I walk into the living room Taylor and William are sitting there, open magazines in front of them.

“Oh no, not the living room!” I say loudly.

“Brendon! Get out of here!” Taylor yells and runs towards me to push me out of the room.

“Great. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Go play with Sammy. He waited for you.”

She closes the door in front of me and I mumble something under my breath and make my way into Sam’s room. The boy is sitting on the floor, playing with his toy cars on the city carpet.

“Hey hey hey” I say and his head shoots up.

“Papa!” he yells and toddles towards me to hug my legs. “Come! You have to play police with me.”

He grabs my hand and pulls me down to sit beside him next to the carpet.

“Look! That’s the police station. That’s us. Here’s the bank. There was a robbery and now we have to save everyone!” he babbles and pushes a few tiny cars towards me.

He starts to move the cars around and yells “Wrooooooom!” while he does so.

“Come on! They can’t get away! We have to stop them!” he says.

I laugh and grab one of the cars to play along.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

I think I’ve never been that nervous in my entire life (I really need to think of a better way to say that). It’s the day before the wedding and I’m freaking out.

“What if something goes wrong?” I ask when Brendon, Taylor, Sam and I are eating dinner.

“Nothing will go wrong, Ry. You’re overreacting.” Taylor tells me once again.

I stopped counting but she had to tell me that way too often in the last three days.

“Everything could go wrong.”

“Ry, calm down.” Brendon sighs.

“No, I can’t calm down. I mean, I didn’t even plan it. What if Taylor and Will screwed up?!”

“Thank you very much.” Taylor says and rolls her eyes.

When Sam finished eating he looks up at us and leans over to Brendon.

“Why is Daddy freaking out?” he whispers.

“You know that the wedding is tomorrow, right? Well, he’s just scared that something goes wrong.”

“Why?”

Taylor sighs before Brendon answers.

“Kids. Always asking why.” She giggles.

“I didn’t plan anything. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow.” I go on.

“Ry, please calm down.” Brendon says carefully.

I fist my hands in my hair and pull.

“Seriously, you can trust us. It’s going to be awesome.” Taylor promises.

When we’re lying in bed two hours later I can’t sleep. Brendon and Sam are already snoring loudly but I just can’t. I keep thinking about tomorrow. Everything could go wrong and I want it to be perfect. I keep changing positions which already caused Sam to cuddle close to Brendon instead of me.

After another twenty minutes I get up and creep into the bathroom, closing the door behind me carefully. I sigh and lean against the door.

I don’t want to go crazy over this but I’m just so scared that something will go wrong. That doesn’t involve wrong decoration or violet flowers instead of white ones. My fear goes deeper than that. I’m scared that something important goes wrong. Maybe Brendon’s mother will show up or Brendon realizes that he doesn’t want this.

I stand in front of the mirror and look at myself.

“Calm down. Everything will be perfect.” I tell my reflection.

I rub my eyes and press my face into my hands.

When I hear the door open I stay like this till hands are grabbing my forearms to take them away from my face. My eyes lock with Brendon’s and then he looks down at my forearms.

“Bren, do you really still think I’m going to hurt myself?” I whisper.

He just shrugs and traces the scars on my wrists.

“I think I’ll never stop worrying about that.” He mumbles.

“You mean you’ll never stop worrying about me in general.”

He nods.

“Are you still freaking out?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I just keep thinking about scenarios that fuck up everything.”

He chuckles and pulls me out of the bathroom.

“We don’t have to sleep. We can talk.” He whispers and kisses me before he lies down on the bed, pulling me on top of him. Sam is lying next to us, still asleep.

“Let me tell you how this will go by. We will get up, get dressed and then we’ll get married. After that we’ll visit the evil lady and officially adopt Sam and that’s it.” Brendon whispers.

I turn my head to bury it in his chest and nod.

“Seriously, don’t worry.”

“Okay”

“Do you want to know why I’m not freaking out?”

“Huh?”

“Because I’m going to marry you and that makes it all perfect.”

I smile against his shirt.

After a while he starts to stroke my hair and that finally lulls me to sleep.

 

*

 

“Hurry! My god, Ry! I bet Brendon is already waiting for you and you’re still doing your hair!” Taylor babbles.

I’m getting ready with Taylor and Sam at home while Brendon is with William and Gabe.

I’m already wearing the rosevest over a white button up shirt. I put on a bit eyeliner because Brendon once told me that it looks hot. Now I try to do my hair like I imagined it to be but I’m just not getting it right.

“Dear god, let me!”

Taylor pushes my hands away and starts to form my hair into kind of a mohawk. No it’s not really a mohawk, she just holds a few strands of my hair up and starts to spray hairspray on them till they stay like that. Then she straightens over my bangs again and steps back to eye her work.

“Fabulous!” she cheers. “Now the little one.”

Sam, who was playing with a toy car on the floor the whole time, looks up at her.

Ten minutes later he’s dressed in a small version of my rosevest and Taylor even tried to style his hair so that it looks just like mine.

“Do I look like Daddy?” the kid asks and I reach down to pick him up so he can look into the mirror as well. “Yay!”

“Okay, this is the cutest thing ever.” Taylor says.

When I turn around again she reaches forward to straighten a few of the roses on the vest.

“I can’t really believe this is happening. Sometimes I still think you’re the scared suicidal boy we got out of that mansion back then but you’re not.” She says. “I mean you’re about to get married and you’ll be a father. You’re not a kid anymore.”

“I wasn’t a kid back then either.” I chuckle.

“You were to me. You’re like the little brother I never wanted. I never thought Brendon would manage you and the problems along with it and I was scared for you back then but he did manage.”

“Thank you?”

Her eyes are wet when she embraces me, Sam struggling between us.

“Alright, sorry. We should leave.” She says when we draw back.

I nod and five minutes later we’re sitting in a limousine.

“Are you serious?” I ask and look around.

“Don’t you like it? Come on, a limo is awesome!” Taylor laughs.

“Why is this car so long?” Sam asks from his place on my lap.

We just laugh and I pat the side of his head to not ruin his hair.

“You two look so adorable together.”

I roll my eyes and smile when I look out of the window.

Taylor didn’t tell me much while we got ready but she did tell me where all of this is going to take place. We’re not going to marry in a church because that would be kind of … not like us. Instead she decided the wedding to be in the desert. I have to admit that I already love that idea.

We drive out of Vegas and keep going for about five minutes. The limousine stops and we get out.

There’s a large tent in the middle of nowhere, decorated with flowers and white bands.

“Uhm … okay?”

“You didn’t see all of it.” Taylor promises and takes my hand to pull me towards the tent.

We get inside and there are a few tables standing around, all of them decorated just as nice. One side of the tent is open so that I’m able to see the open desert. But that’s not the only thing there. There’s kind of a white carpet leading to a wedding arch, banks next to it.

Brendon is standing under the arch at the end of the carpet.

“Well hello princess.”

I turn my head to see William standing there. He smiles and reaches out to take Sam from me.

Taylor takes my hand and I raise my eyebrows at her.

“I don’t care what you want. I’m going to walk you there.” She says and starts to walk.

“No no no. Wait!”

She stops and looks at me expectantly. William is also looking a bit confused.

“Ry? I something wrong?” he asks.

I shake my head.

“No but why am I playing the girl part in this?” I joke and they relax.

“Honey, because you are the girl.” Taylor tells me with a smile and tugs at my hand again.

This time I just take a deep breath and then start walking as well. I keep staring at Brendon. He’s biting his lip nervously and keeps looking around. Then he seems to spot me and smiles.

Just when we step out of the tent and out in the open desert the music starts but it’s not the usual wedding music.

Fucking  _Highway To Hell_  is playing.

Taylor next to me bursts out laughing and turns around.

“Gabe! You moron! We agreed on  _Living Dead Girl_!” she yells.

I turn around just in time to see Gabe holding up his middle finger for Taylor to see.

“I’m sorry.” She laughs and starts walking again.

“No, you’re not.” I giggle back.

At the refrain we start to sing along and by the time we arrive under the arch Brendon is half smirking and half staring at me.

“Alright, I’ll fuck off.” Taylor giggles and waves at me before she sits down in the first row.

There aren’t really that many guests. Taylor, her dad, Gabe, a few guys we know from Starbucks (including Drew), Natasha and Clint, a few people from Grey Valley and people I don’t know. Should I?

I notice that William and Sam aren’t sitting anywhere. I raise my head a bit in a try to find them.

“Don’t worry, Ry. Everything is okay. This is part of our plan.” Taylor says with a smirk.

I nod at her and look over to Brendon. He smiles at me and reaches out to take both of my hands. I look around again to see that Taylor’s father is getting up to stand behind the arch.

“So they hired me to do this. I’ve been pastor for a few years when I was younger.” He says and coughs.

He holds one finger up and searches something in his back pocket.

“Ah, there it is.” He unfolds a small note.

I look up at Brendon again and he just shrugs helplessly.

“Alright. Listen. Today we are here to join you in marriage and to share in the joy of this occasion, which should be one of the most memorable and happy days of your life.”

I swallow and look up at Brendon somewhat scared.

“On this day of your marriage, you stand somewhat apart from all other human beings.  You stand within the charmed circle of your love; and this is as it should be. But love is not meant to be the possession of two people alone.  Rather it would serve as a source of common energy, as a form in which you find strength to live your lives with courage.  From this day onward you must come closer together than ever before, you must love one another in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, but at the same time your love should give you the strength to stand apart, to seek out your unique destinies, to make your special contribution to the world which is always part of us and more than us.”

_Your love should give you the strength to stand apart._

That sentence stays in my mind.

“And now gentlemen, look this way.” He says and points towards the tent.

We turn our heads and a smile spreads over my face.

William is crouching down next to Sam and hands him a small pillow. The boy nods and starts toddling over to us.

“Oh my god, he looks like you.” Brendon whispers.

I smile even more.

When Sam arrives in front of us he holds the pillow over his head and I see the rings on top of it.

“Alright, eyes to me again!” Michael says and coughs.

He motions for Brendon to take one ring.

“Do you, Brendon Urie, take this man, Ryan Ross, to be your lawful wedded husband, to love, honor and cherish him through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part?“

Brendon licks his lip and looks down at my hand. I raise it and he puts the ring on my finger.

“Yes, I do.” He says.

“And do you, Ryan Ross, take this man, Brendon Urie, to be your lawful wedded husband, to love, honor and cherish him through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part?”

I take the other ring and slide it over Brendon’s finger.

“Yes” I whisper.

“Brendon, you can kiss your bride.”

Our heads turn to look at him.

“I’m sorry, your friend told me to ... just kiss him.”

I roll my eyes and look at Brendon again. He smiles at me and leans forward to kiss me. I can’t really tell the difference between this and a normal kiss but somehow it really does feel special.

When we draw back everyone starts clapping. I smile at Brendon and he beams at me.

“Well hello Mr. Urie.” He whispers and kisses me again.

“Daddy, you have to throw that!”

I step back and look down at Sam. He’s holding a big bouquet of flowers. I crouch down and take it from him before I kiss him on the forehead.

“Seriously, this is too much.” I say when I stand again.

“Just throw the damn thing!” Taylor yells and I turn around and throw the bouquet behind me with laughter.

When I turn around again I see that William caught it. He looks down at it and then up at me and winks before he walks off, yelling “Oh, Gabey Baby!”

I laugh as I watch everyone walk into the tent.

“So was this perfect enough for you?”

I turn to face Brendon. He’s carrying Sam and smiles at me.

“You were right with what you said.” I start. “You’re here so this is already perfect. We could have done this without all of this stuff and it would have been perfect.”

We beam at each other and just when he leans forward to kiss me, someone interrupts us.

“Excuse me?”

We turn to look at the man in front of us. He maybe as tall as me with a silly haircut and glasses.

“Congratulations. Where are you going to fly for your honeymoon?”

I open my mouth but close it again and look at Brendon. He shrugs.

“Thank you. We don’t really know. Our friends planned everything. Do you mind me asking who you are?” Brendon says with narrowed eyes.

“My name is Mikey. I’m friends with Gabe and when he told me about you I just needed to come.”

Brendon looks at me skeptically but then nods.

“Oh, okay. I hope you have fun then.”

“I do.” He says and walks off.

We just look after him when Taylor jumps over to us.

“Guys what are you still doing outside? Everyone is waiting for you inside! The food is amazing!”

She grabs our hands and pulls us inside, pushing us down on two chairs.

“Alright. Could I get everyone’s attention?” she yells. “Thank you! So I wanted to say something about our good friends here.”

I roll my eyes and Brendon lets his head fall down on the table.

“I want to start off with Ryan. I met him four years ago and I would never have imagined that he would marry one day, but here we are. And I want to point out that I did his hair.”

“Ty, come on.” I whine and she giggles.

“I mean, just look at him. He just looks so adorable today. And Sammy! Ryan, get Sam and get over here!”

“No, everyone saw it already.” I say and she shrugs.

“I’m just saying. The cutest thing ever!”

“What about me?” Brendon asks loudly.

Taylor looks at him without interest.

“Oh yes, then there’s Brendon. He’s okay.” She says and Brendon rolls his eyes at her. “I’m kidding, Bren! You’re a complete idiot but there’s a reason why Ryan loves you. I suggest a group hug!”

“Group hug!” William yells.

“No, I’m not moving right now.” I say.

“Whatever. I hope you got what I wanted to say. Congratulations to the most adorable couple!” Taylor says and everyone starts clapping again.

“If it wouldn’t be our wedding, I’d be on my way home.” Brendon whispers and I nod in agreement.

The buffet opens and we start eating. I have to admit that the food really is awesome.

When we’re finished the music gets louder again and  _Mad World_  starts playing.

“Okay, people seriously try to kill me.” I joke and Brendon laughs.

Some people get up to dance and I just eye them with a bored expression.

“Ry?”

I look next to me.

“Uhm … do you want to dance?” Brendon asks.

“No! Daddy will dance with me!” Sam yells and jumps towards me.

Brendon pouts and Sam sticks out his tongue at him. I shrug and take Sam’s hands.

 

*

 

When the wedding is over we head straight for Mrs Millers’ office. It’s late and we are tired but we still want to do this. When she sees us she doesn’t say a single word and just leads us into her office.

“Alright, I guess you’re here for the adoption. Did you decide who- ”

Brendon raises our joined hands for her to see.

“Doesn’t matter.” He says proudly.

“What?”

“We’re married now.”

“You- ”

“Yes, could we do this now? We are tired.”

She stares at us for a while and then shrugs.

“Whatever. Yes. Just sign this.”

She hands us a paper and Brendon reads it over quickly before he signs it. I take the pen from him and do it as well.

“That’s it?” He asks and Mrs Miller nods. “Good. We’re out.”

We get up and Brendon picks Sam off the floor. When we’re out of the room he starts to laugh happily.

“What?” I ask.

He just raises his hand again to show me the ring and keeps laughing.

“Ry, we’re married and Sam is officially our child! We are officially a family.” he says loudly and makes a happy noise.

“Yay!” Sam cheers tiredly.

“I’ll freak out tomorrow. I’m too tired.” I whisper and take his hand again when we start walking along the hall to leave.

“I know I don’t have to say it anymore because it’s kind of obvious now but … I love you.” Brendon says softly.

“I love you too. I will never grow tired of it, believe me.”

“Sammy loves you too.” The kid says and yawns.

“And we love Sammy.”

 

*

 

“Get up!”

I groan and cuddle closer to Brendon.

“Get up! Even the kid is already awake. I entertained him for you so thank me.”

I still don’t move.

“Alright, Sammy. Go in.”

For a few seconds nothing happens and then something (rather someone) jumps on top of me.

“Daddy! Wake up!” Sam yells.

“Wake Bren” I mumble and hide my face in my pillow.

“No! I’m awake!” Brendon says and sits up.

“Taylor has a surprise!” the kid yells and grabs my arm to pull on it.

“I don’t want her surprise.”

“But Daaaaddy!”

“Ry, come on. Get up.” Brendon whispers.

“Oh god, what is it?” I ask and sit up as well.

Sam beams and starts to cuddle with my side.

“Did you really think we would let you get away without having a honeymoon?” Taylor asks with a lopsided grin.

“Uhm, I hoped so, yes.”

Brendon punches my shoulder carefully and then looks at Taylor again.

“Where? When?” he asks.

“You should start packing. Your flight goes tomorrow morning at seven am.”

“Where?”

“Fuerteventura”

She beams and we just blink up at her.

“Where’s that?” I ask.

“I think it’s still a part of Spain.”

I keep staring at her.

“Alright, I don’t care what you think. Go pack or I’ll hurt you!”

With that she leaves the room.

 

*

 

We spend the whole day packing and by the time we’re finished I’m pissed off because the day is almost over again.

“I totally hate you, Ty.” I groan.

Brendon, Sam and I are cuddled together on the couch and Taylor is sitting on the floor in front of us, watching TV.

“You will love me when you’re there. Also, you forgot to thank me for your awesome wedding.”

“Thank you” Brendon says. “But I keep thinking that someone was missing.”

“Jon, maybe?”

“Yes! Why wasn’t he there?”

“We didn’t invite him.”

“Why not?”

“Well, William said that he and Gabe would kill him anyway so … we just decided to leave it.”

“Did you even tell him about us?”

“Of course, I’m not that heartless.”

I roll my eyes and shake my head to myself.

“He didn’t even call so I guess he doesn’t care at all.” I mumble.

“Who is Jon?” Sam asks.

“Jon was … a friend?” Brendon asks and looks at me quizzically.

“Yes, he  _was_.” I mumble.

“Huh?”

“He did something …” I start but Brendon cuts me off.

“Something really bad happened to Ryan and Jon kind of caused it.”

Sam gasps and cuddles into my side.

“Something bad happened?” he asks with frightened eyes.

“You wouldn’t understand.” I whisper.

“Daddy!”

“Someone wanted to hurt Ry and Jon told those guys where to find us in the first place.” Brendon says without looking away from the TV.

“What?!” Sam yells and cuddles closer.

“Bren, please. They didn’t just want to hurt Ry. They kidnapped him and wanted to kill him. You could at least be honest to the kid.” Taylor says.

Brendon glares at her and Sam squeaks.

“B-but those evil men aren’t here anymore, right?” the boy asks.

“No” I whisper.

“Actually … do you even know what happened to them?” Taylor asks and turns around.

“I guess they went to jail.”

“Could we stop talking about it?” Brendon asks loudly and we fall silent. “This is over, just forget it.”

“Maybe the idiot is right. You should sleep anyway. You have to get up early tomorrow.” Taylor yawns.

“What are you going to do when we’re gone?” I ask and she just shrugs and smiles.

“I’ll just stay here in Vegas for a while.”

“Who said you can stay here?”

“I just did.”

“Obviously”

Suddenly Brendon gets up and stretches before he picks Sam up and yanks me off the couch by my hand.

“Sleep. Now.” He orders and starts walking into the bedroom.

“Goodnight, Ry! Goodnight, Sammy!” Taylor yells and I see that Brendon rolls his eyes when his name isn’t called.

He kind of throws me down onto the bed and sets Sam down next to me.

“You can’t throw me around just because we’re married now.” I laugh and he shrugs.

“Why not? I initiated it so I’m going to have fun.” He grins and crawls onto the bed as well.

“Oh really?” I ask mischievously when he leans down to kiss me.

“I just hope you get Sam out of there before you start fucking!” Taylor yells and Brendon draws back and sighs annoyed.

Sam gasps and jumps off the bed to run out of the room. Brendon and I share confused looks.

“You can’t say fuck. That’s a bad word.” Sam says somewhere in the apartment.

“What?” Taylor asks but the toddling footsteps are already running towards the bedroom again.

Sam jumps onto the bed again and plops down in a sitting position. We keep staring at him till we burst out laughing.

“Listen to him, Ty!” Brendon yells and without warning he leans down to kiss me.

At first I’m surprised but then I sink into it and open my mouth. I want to push him away but I just realize how much I missed this. The last time we really did something like that was a bit too long ago. Okay, maybe it’s not that long but for us it is.

Brendon’s lips wander to my neck where he bites down softly.

“Why are you biting Daddy, Papa?”

Finally I push Brendon away so he rolls off me.

“Yes, Bren. Why are you biting me?” I giggle.

“Because you won’t stop being adorable.” He pouts.

“Sam, why don’t you go change for the night?”

The boy nods and jumps off the bed again to leave the room.

“So can I start biting again?” Brendon asks while already leaning forward.

I place my hand on his chest to hold him there.

“Bren, there’s a reason why we had no sex for …”

“Two month” he finishes.

“Oh yes. I remember. Sam had to sleep alone just so you could have fun.”

“You liked it.”

“I may have faked it.”

“I know your orgasm-face and that night you definitely wore it more than once.”

I roll my eyes and turn away.

“We just got married and I think you know what should have happened in the night after that.”

“Sorry to disappoint you but we have a child and said child needs some attention. We can’t fuck around like rabbits anymore. Get yourself together.” I whisper.

“You’re mean!”

“And you’re irresponsible.”

“No fighting!” Sam’s chirping voice calls from the door and the next moment he’s already on the bed again.

“Yes Bren. No fighting.” I grin.

He rolls his eyes and reaches his arms out towards Sam.

“He’s mean. We should leave him to himself tonight.” He says to Sam but the boy just blinks at him a few times before he crawls towards me to cuddle into my side.

“Daddy is not mean!” he says.

“Seems like you’re the one sleeping alone.” I tell Brendon.

“HAH! You wish!”

Brendon lies down next to me and buries his face in my hair.

“I don’t care if you want it. We’re going to cuddle because that’s what families do.” He whispers.

“Aw, you’re still not getting any. Not now and not for the next two weeks.” I whisper back.

“Meany!”

“Don’t call Daddy mean.” Sam says and I smile at Brendon.

“You guys got my last name so shut up and do what I say!” Brendon says in a try to stay serious but then he laughs.

“Okay, but we should sleep. You know how bitchy I get when I’m tired.” I whisper and Sam hits me on the forehead, but it feels more like a pat.

“You said a bad word.” He whines.

“Sorry”

He beams and wraps his tiny arms around my arm.

“I feel like a big teddy.” I mumble, watching Sam cuddle up to my left side and Brendon to my right.

“You are a big teddy. Now stop talking and sleep.” Brendon whispers softly.

I smile and close my eyes.

Just when I’m about to drift off Brendon’s hand covers mine which lies flat on my stomach. He presses a kiss to my temple and whispers  _‘I love you’_.

I think my part but stay silent, making him think I’m asleep. I wait and then he starts playing with the ring on my finger.

With a content sigh I finally doze off.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

“I give up.” Ryan sighs and sits down on his suitcase.

“It’s not that hard. Look, you are here, in terminal 1 but you have to go to terminal 2.” Taylor explains in front of the airport plan.

“I’m out.” Ryan sighs again.

“Daddy, I’m tired.” Sam whines and Ryan picks him up so the boy can rest his head against his shoulder.

“It’s early, sweetie. You can sleep on the plane.”

I watch them a few seconds longer before I sigh and turn towards Taylor again.

“Can’t you just get us there?” I ask desperately and she rolls her eyes and nods. “You really want to get rid of us, huh?”

“Yes, you annoy me. I don’t even like you guys. That’s why I planned your wedding so shitty.”

“Oh dear god I can’t wait to get away from you.”

“Same”

We walk around the airport for twenty minutes and I think we walked by the same Starbucks shop three times.

“I can’t get you any further than that. Get your suitcases to counter 8 and hand them your tickets. You should be intelligent enough to find your gate but just ask someone in case you aren’t.” Taylor says.

“Okay, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” She grins and reaches out to grab the keys hanging from my back pocket.

“Hey!”

“What? You don’t need your car and I live in your apartment anyway.” She turns towards Ryan. “I hope you have fun, honey. And you too, Sammy.”

“Why do you hate me so much?” I ask and she just shrugs and walks backwards.

“No reason. You should hurry. Your flight goes in half an hour.” She smiles, waves and walks away.

“Okay, let’s go.”

 

*

 

We found our gate without help and half an hour later we’re sitting on the plane, waiting for it to start.

Great, we have to spend eleven hours in this thing. Sam is sitting in the window seat, then Ryan is the middle and I’ve got the aisle seat.

“This is probably the most uncomfortable seat in the whole world.” I groan and lean backwards.

Ryan closes his eyes and says nothing while Sam is looking out of the window, jumping in his seat.

It takes about twenty minutes till there’s an announcement by the pilot to tell us that the plane is about to start. A few seconds later the plane starts to move.

Sam squeaks and jumps at Ryan who doesn’t even open his eyes.

“Have you ever been on a plane before?” I whisper to him.

“What do you think?!” he hisses, eyes still closed.

Oh, right.

“Are you okay?”

“Stop talking, please.”

I close my mouth and look down at his shaking hands.

“Hey, calm down. Nothing is going to happen.” I whisper softly and reach out to take his hand.

His eyes stay closed and he looks as if he’s about to cry.

The plane is going faster and faster and Sam buries his face in Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan doesn’t move at all and I just keep holding his hand.

When the plane is fast enough it takes off and there’s a weird feeling in my stomach.

“Daddy!” Sam whimpers but Ryan still doesn’t move.

“Ry, look at me.” I whisper and his eyes open and lock with mine. “Everything is okay. You are safe. It’s more likely to die in a rollercoaster ride than on a plane.”

“I can’t really compare to that.”

“You never rode a rollercoaster, huh?”

“Bren, you had to explain to me what a rollercoaster is a year ago.”

“Oh, right. I forgot.” I lean back to think. “We should visit a theme park when we’re back home.”

“Oh god, stop talking.”

“Why? It distracted you for a while.”

Ryan frowns but then smiles.

“You’re a moron.” He laughs and looks to his right, out of the window. “Wow, that’s really high.”

“What did you expect?”

He shrugs and keeps watching the clouds while I keep watching him.

 

*

 

After two hours in that damn plane I start to hate everything.

The stupid stewardesses are annoying me with their questions, all the other people should just shut up and, like already mentioned, this seat is killing me.

“Papa, I want to play police!” Sam babbles.

“We can’t play police now, Sammy.” I sigh and try to find a comfortable position.

“But I want!”

“I’m sorry, baby.”  
“I’m not a baby!”

I laugh and groan when my back starts to hurt. With a sigh I give up and look next to me at Ryan. He’s reading but is moving every few minutes as well. When he catches me staring he lowers the books and raises his eyebrows at me.

“I’m uncomfortable, Ry.” I whine.

He puts the book away and lifts up the armrest between us. I beam and lean to the side to put my head on his shoulder. Ryan keeps his blank expression and gets his book out again.

I close my eyes and concentrate on the plane’s movements. I’m about to drift off when Sam starts to sing to himself. My eyes open and I look over at him. He’s rocking back and forth and mumbles the words of some children song. When he turns his head, his green eyes lock with mine and he starts to crawl over to me and into my lap.

“Papa, how long do we have to be here?”

“Still nine hours.” I sigh.

“Is that long?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Oh”

 

*

 

By the time we finally arrive on the small island, Ryan and I are annoyed as fuck. Sam slept almost the whole flight but we just couldn’t.

We arrive in the room where we get our suitcases and sit down. There are large windows everywhere which show the dry landscape of Spain. Sam jumps around us, wanting to go outside already and Ryan tries to explain to him why we have to wait.

“Wow, this is it? This looks just like the desert.” Ryan says.

“With palms!” I try but he rolls his eyes.

It takes almost half an hour till we finally get our stuff. Sam takes his tiny backpack and runs towards the doors.

“Sam! Don’t run away!” Ryan yells after him but he’s already outside.

“Don’t worry, he won’t get lost.”

Ryan glares at me and heaves the suitcase up a bit more to run towards the doors. I just smile as I watch him stumble outside and hurry up as well.

When I get outside he walks over to Sam who is staring up at a palm.

“Don’t run away again!” he tells the boy and takes his hand to lead him over to us again.

I set my suitcase down and look around. Through the windows it looked as if it’s really just another desert but but it's still somewhat awesome. There are hills, some of them surrounded by clouds and there are fucking palms. Well, sadly it looks like the palms are just here at the airport. Behind that, it's just sand.   
  
  
  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/thefabrosevest/pic/0000b0qz/)

“Wow” I whisper and smile at my surroundings.

“How are we going to get to the hotel?” Ryan asks when he’s next to me again, still holding Sam’s hand tightly.

“I think there should be a bus somewhere to get us there.”

We look around for a while and ten minutes later a bus approaches.

“I guess that’s it.” I say.

We get our stuff and walk over to the bus.

“Excuse me? Is this the bus to the Costa Calma beach hotel?” I ask, reading the name off the note I wrote before we drove to the airport this morning.

“Yes” the bus driver says with a Spanish accent.

He opens one side of the bus to load our stuff in there.

“Thank you” I mumble and we get inside the bus.

We sit down in the front, Ryan in the window seat with Sam in his lap and I next to him.

A few more people fill the bus and half an hour later we’re driving. Ryan sighs and rests his forehead against the window.

“The landscape here is awesome.” I whisper and he nods tiredly. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m just so exhausted. I’m not going to fly ever again.”

“You have to when we fly back home.”

“I’ll just walk back home.” He chuckles.

“Between this island and America is the ocean.”

“Then I’ll swim.”  
“I bet you will.” I laugh and bury my face in his neck. “This is going to be awesome.”

 

*

 

The hotel is nice. It’s not some luxurious thing but it’s definitely awesome.

Our room is kind of tiny. It’s just one room with a double bed, an ugly bed and a desk with a tiny TV on it. Other than that there’s a bathroom and that’s pretty much it.

Ryan throws his suitcase onto the bed and falls down onto the covers as well. I smile down at him and walk over to the glass door which leads to a small balcony.  

“Ry, look at this!”

I hear footsteps and then Ryan is next to me, holding Sam.

“Wow”

The sight is amazing. We can look down at the whole resort and the beach behind that.  
  


“I guess I have to thank Taylor after all.” Ryan whispers.

“I guess I should too.” I say and turn to wrap my arms around him.

He turns his head and I place a kiss on his nose on what he giggles.

“Somehow I still don’t believe this.” I whisper.

“Huh?”

“I don’t know. All of this happened so quickly. I mean, four years ago I wouldn’t have thought we would get married and adopt a child.”

“Well, you never know.”

I nod and kiss him.

“And now, get dressed … or rather undressed because we’re going to the beach, honey.” I giggle.

“I’m not going anywhere. I feel like shit.” Ryan says and puts Sam down who just glares up at him.

“Daddy, you keep saying bad words.”

“Old habits die hard.” Ryan says with a smile.

“I don’t care. We are going to the beach.” I demand and jump over to the suitcase to search for my swimming trunks.

“Or what?”

“My last name, my rules.”

“Are you always going to give that reason?” Ryan asks and rolls his eyes.

“Yes. Get dressed.”

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

Brendon kind of forced me into my swimming trunks and pulled me out of the room, picking up Sam on the way. I still had time to get a t-shirt on though.

It takes us ten minutes to find the way to the beach we saw from the balcony. When we’re maybe five feet away from the beach Sam squeaks happily and starts to run.

“Sam!” I yell after him.

“You worry too much.” Brendon whispers softly, tightening his grip on my hand so I’m not able to run after the kid.

“You’re one to talk.”

“Hey! I am allowed to worry about  _you_.”

“Whatever” I mumble and search for Sam with my eyes. “Can you see him? I can’t see him.”

“Ry- ”

“Sam!”

On my cry, the boy runs back into focus and watches me with confusion.

“What, daddy?”

“I just don’t like it when you run off like that.”

“Oh … okay”

He toddles over to us again and takes my other hand.

“Seriously, you’re acting like an overprotective mother.” Brendon laughs while he looks at the beach. “Woah, look at the water! It’s like … bluer than blue.”

“I want to punch you. You’re stupid.”

“I would punch back.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” I laugh.

“True. Come on, let’s get those beach chairs.”

We walk over to the two chairs next to each other and Brendon throws our bag at them.

“Okay, this is going to be awesome.” Brendon cheers and claps his hands like a child.

Sam blinks up at him and then does the same.

“Shirt off!” Brendon demands.

I ignore him and lie back in the chair.

“Could you get an umbrella? The sun is burning me to death.” I say while I try to shield the sun with my hand.

“The sun isn’t even touching you because you’re still wearing a shirt.”

“Get me a damn umbrella.”

Brendon’s eyes narrow and he doesn’t move for a few minutes before he throws his arms in the air dramatically.

“Fine, princess!” he hisses and walks off.

I sit up a bit to look around. The beach isn’t exactly crowded but it’s not empty either. There are no people in the water though.

“Daddy, can we go into the water?” Sam asks.

He’s just standing there in the sand in his tiny red swimming trunks and sends hopeful looks towards the water.

“Ask Papa when he’s back, okay?”

He looks disappointed but nods.

“Here you get your stupid umbrella, madame.” I hear Brendon say and then there’s a big umbrella next to me, shielding me from the sun.

“Papa, can we play in the water?”

“Of course” Brendon beams. “Ry, get your stupid shirt off and come with us.”

I just keep staring at him stubbornly. He sighs and leans forward so Sam doesn’t hear.

“No one knows you here. Therefore no one cares about your scars. Now  _I_  tell  _you_  to get yourself together.”

“Do you remember how long it took me to walk around without covering my wrists?”

“Yes, I do remember. This is another step you have to make sooner or later.”

He draws back and watches me quizzically. My gaze lowers and I start to play with the hem of my shirt. When I stay silent Brendon sighs and takes Sam’s hand to lead him down to the water.  
I look after them with a feeling of guilt and when Brendon starts to splash water at Sam I look away and draw my knees up to my chest. Mindlessly I start watching the people around us without really noticing them. Sam’s laughter sounds through the air but I refuse to look at them.

I don’t know how long I just stare at the sand next to the chair when there are feet in my view. Blinking, I look up to see Brendon. His lips are curled into a half-smile and he’s wet from the ocean.

“You know, I don’t accept this.” He breathes heavily.

“What?”

He beams and reaches out in one quick movement to grip me and throw my body over his shoulder. I need a second to get what he’s doing.

“No! Bren! Don’t you dare!”

He just laughs and starts to run down to the ocean again. I slam my fists against his back halfheartedly. When I see water beneath us I stop though.

“Bren!” I say menacingly.

“What do you think, Sammy? Should I let him go?” Brendon giggles and Sam chimes in. “You stay here where it’s not too deep, okay?”

He starts to walk through the water till the beach is about ten feet away from us.

“Bren, I swear to god. We are not going to have sex ever again if you do this!” I whine.

He just laughs and lets me go. With a loud cry I fall and hit the water which closes around me immediately. I try to touch the ground with my feet but it’s too deep. Hysterically, I break through the surface again and take a deep breath. When I manage to open my eyes the salt water burns in them and I glare up at Brendon.

“You might want to take your shirt off now.” He says with a stupid grin. 

“I hate you so much right now.” I mumble and start to swim towards the beach again.

“Just take it off.”

When I feel the ground under my feet I stop and turn around, quickly fiddling with my soaked shirt to get it over my head. I throw it at Brendon but he catches it before it hits him right in the face.

“Good, now that we clarified that, we might as well have some fun.” Brendon smiles.

“Having fun my ass.”

“Nah, Sam is just about eight feet away. No bad words.”

“Screw you.” I hiss through a masquerade of anger but I might start to laugh every second now. 

“It’s cute how you try to suppress laughter.”

I feel my lips twitch but manage to keep my serious face.

“Sooner or later you will laugh and I will enjoy it.”

I roll my eyes at him and turn to look for Sam. A smile tugs at my lips when I spot him. Seems like he got bored and ran along the beach a bit because he’s a bit too far away for my liking. There are big rocks in the water where he is and the boy is jumping from rock to rock happily. Brendon makes a displeased noise and I raise my eyebrows at him.

“I told him to stay here.” He mumbles.

“Hey, you told me not to worry so much.”

“I don’t worry as much as you do but I’m allowed to as well.”

I open my mouth to speak when I hear a loud cry. Quickly I turn around but Sam is gone. Without thinking I run through the water over to where he was just seconds ago.

“Sam!” I cry when I still can’t see him.

The water is way too deep here for such a small boy. I can’t even touch the ground with my feet. Brendon is next to me in a second and takes a deep breath before ducking under. My eyes wander around frantically while I wait for something to happen. A few people are standing by the beach, watching the scene in shock.

I really start to panic when Brendon doesn’t appear after thirty seconds.

“Bren!” I cry but nothing happens. “Brendon!”

I wish I could see him through the water but sand is stirred up and keeps me from seeing anything.

When I hear a noise behind me I whirl around. Brendon just broke through the surface, holding Sam. There’s blood on the boy’s leg and his eyes are closed. The panic, which just ebbed away, rises again.

My hands cover my mouth in shock. At first Brendon seems just as helpless but then he lifts Sam up a bit more so the kid’s head is hanging over his shoulder and starts to pat the boy’s back till he begins to cough.

“Sammy! Oh my god! Don’t you ever scare us like that again! I swear I almost got a heart attack!” I babble hysterically.

Sam is already hanging in Brendon’s grip like usual, eyes half-closed.

“Hey hey hey! Don’t sleep. We have to take a look at your leg.” Brendon says and we start to get out of the water.

People ask what happened and if everything is okay but we just ignore them and walk over to our stuff. Brendon sets Sam down on one of the chairs and crouches down next to him, observing the cut.

“I’m not a doctor but this might need stitches.” He mumbles.

“What happened?” I ask.

Suddenly, Sam is crying.

“I-I was just j-jumping over the r-rocks a-and then I slipped and- ”

“I told you to stay there in the water.” Brendon says a bit too harshly.

“Bren.” I warn softly and kneel at Sam’s other side.

He sobs and crawls into my embrace.

“Uhm, excuse me? Do you need a doctor? There is one at the resort, I think.”

I look up to see a woman, maybe a few years older than me.

“Yes, I think we should go see him.” Brendon sighs.

“I can get him for you if you want.” She offers and we accept thankfully.

She walks off and Brendon gets up, stroking one hand through his hair.

I raise my eyebrows at him.

“I’ll just … I think I lost your shirt somewhere while getting over to … I’ll go look for it.”

I nod confused and watch him walk away.

“It hurts, Daddy.” Sam sobs into my shoulder.

“Shh, I know.” I soothe and pat his back. “You can’t just run away. When Papa or I tell you to wait somewhere till we’re back then you stay there, okay?”

“Uh huh”

“Thank you”

We stay like that till Brendon comes back.

“Didn’t find it.” He says and plops down on the other chair.

I just want to ask him what’s wrong when the woman from earlier approaches again.

“The doctor is waiting in the foyer of the hotel.” She tells us and I nod and thank her.

Again, I open my mouth but Brendon cuts me off.

“Take Sam and go there already. I’ll get our stuff and be there in a few minutes as well.”

I don’t question it and nod before I pick Sam up and start walking along the path that leads back to the hotel.

Once inside again, I already spot the doctor in his white clothes.

“Hello, this has to be our patient.” He says with a spanish accent.

“Yes, there’s a deep cut on his leg.”

He nods and motions me to follow him. We round the counter and walk through one room. The one we’re in now looks like a hospital room. I set Sam down on the bed and the doctor takes a look at the cut.

“Ouch! It hurts.”

“I know, sweetie.” I say softly and sit down next to him, taking his tiny hand in both of mine.

“This needs stitches.” The doctor says and gets up again. “Could you get him into the next room?”

I nod and pick Sam up again to carry him into the next tiny room. In there’s just a small bed and some surgical instruments.

Sam has to lie down on the bed while the doctor stitches him up. Of course he numbed the area before doing so.

Sam is holding onto my hand for dear life.

“Where’s Papa?”

My heart sinks and I just want to tell him I don’t know but then I look up and Brendon is leaning against the doorframe, looking at the ground.

“He’s over there.” I say and point to the door.

“Why is he over there?”  
“I don’t know.”

I look at Brendon again but he’s still watching the floor. There is something wrong.

“That’s it.” The doctor says and I turn towards him again.

“Thank you”

“You’re welcome. He should sleep a bit.”

I nod and reach out to pick the boy up.

“Everything okay?” I ask and he nods.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“That’s good. You won’t run away anymore, right?”

“No”

“Good”

When we walk over to the door Brendon straightens and wipes over his cheeks quickly. I frown at him but he just smiles.

His eyes are red. He was crying.

“Are you okay?” he asks Sam and pats the boy’s head.

Sam just nods and buries his face in my shoulder.

“Good … good” Brendon whispers to himself.

“The doctor said he should sleep a bit. We could just get some food to eat in our room.” I say.

“I’ll get it. Just get him into bed already, okay?”

“Okay”

He beams and kisses my forehead before walking off.

I sigh to myself and walk out of the room and through the foyer. When I round a corner some guy bumps against my shoulder so I almost fall.

When I caught myself again I turn to glare at the back at his head. His hair is really short and seems to be white. Stupid punks.

I keep walking towards our hotel room, using the elevator to get to our floor. When I stand in front of the door I look down at Sam and smile. He seems to be asleep already.

I get inside and close the door behind me before I walk into the room and put Sam down on the bed.

“Are you angry?” I hear Sam’s voice and when I look down at him his eyes are open and staring up at me.

“No, not angry. We were just scared for you.”

“But Papa is angry.”

“He’s not.”

I hear the door open and close again.

“So here’s the food. Bonne appétit.” Brendon beams and sets it down on the small desk.

“I’m not hungry.” Sam yawns.

“You should eat something.” I say but he shakes his head. “Alright, then just sleep.”

He nods and I press a kiss to his temple and get off the bed.

“Can we talk?” I ask Brendon and he just nods.

I open the door to the balcony and step outside, closing the door behind us again so Sam doesn’t hear us.

“What is wrong?” I ask quickly before he can start talking.

“Uhm, nothing?”

“I know that you cried, Bren. And before that you acted as if you didn’t care about what happened so please tell me what’s wrong.”

He sighs and leans against the railing, looking up at the darkening sky.

“I did care.” He whispers.

“Well, it didn’t seem like it.”

His gaze stays locked with the sky above us when he swallows.

“Ry, I don’t know how to explain this. Of course I did care. My god, I think my heart almost stopped when I got him out of the water. I thought he’s dead or something. I just … you don’t know how important family is to me and I doubt you’ll ever really understand. I was raised like that. Everyone always told me that family is everything.”

He pauses and licks his lips, finally lowering his gaze to look at the floor instead.

“My own family left me and now I’ve got a new one and I promised myself I would keep it safe. What happened to Sam is my fault. I should have kept an eye on him but I left him alone. I just went kind of … numb and angry at myself because for a moment I thought I destroyed my family. That can’t happen. It would kill me.”

I place a hand on his arm but he doesn’t react.

“It’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself.” I whisper.

“It is. I was responsible for him at the moment.”

“I was there as well, Bren.”

“Yes, but …” he stops for a moment. “And then I just ignored my feelings till I couldn’t hold it back anymore.”

“You cried.”  
“I cried, yes.” He swallows again. “I’m just so scared of losing you and Sam.”

He whispers the last part and there are tears forming in his eyes again.

This never happened. Brendon usually doesn’t cry about stuff. It’s like with his cigarettes. He just smokes one when he really needs it to calm down or something.

He really just cries when it’s worth it and when he can’t see a solution.

“Bren, you’re not going to lose us. What happened today was an accident. It’s not your fault. Please believe me. Sam is alive, he’s okay. Nothing too bad happened. You told me not to worry so much. You shouldn’t either.”

“I can’t stop worrying about it. Since I had this dream one night I keep thinking about what I would do if something happened to you or Sam … or both. I would break down completely.”

Without thinking I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder. His arms come around my middle to hold me close as well.

“I love you, Ry.” He whispers while crying.

“I love you too.”

“I’m sorry if all of this doesn’t make sense to you.”

“It does.”

I feel him smile against my temple before I draw back.

“We should sleep as well. I’m still exhausted from the flight.” I yawn.

“Okay” he whisper and we go inside and eat something quickly before we lie down next to Sam who is already asleep.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

“No beach today. I’m not going to spend two weeks on the beach anyway.” Ryan says while we’re eating breakfast.

This is the first time we’re eating in the canteen of the hotel. It’s nice. There’s a big buffet with all sorts of food.

Sam eats his cereal while Ryan watches him closely so the boy doesn’t ruin his clothes again. 

“Okay, what do you want to do then?” I ask with my mouth full.

“I don’t know. Somewhere I read something about a place called the ‘pirate cave’. We could go there.”

“And what is that?”

“Are you listening? It’s a cave.”

“Okay okay. How are we going to get there?”

“With the bus.”

“Oh right. Here’s a bus for everything.”

“Yes”

“Okay, cave it is.”  
“I want ice cream!” Sam cheers.

He finished his cereal and even managed not to cover himself in his breakfast.

“We can’t get ice cream now. It’s breakfast time.” I laugh.

The kid makes a displeased noise and pouts.

“When we get a chance we’ll get you some, okay?” Ryan promises and Sam beams at him and claps. “Alright, let’s see when that stupid bus arrives.”

 

*

 

Two hours later we arrive at the bus stop. There are maybe fifteen more people who want to visit that cave. I want to throw something at them. They are ruining my honeymoon.

“Where do we have to head now?” Ryan asks and looks around.

There’s a path down to a beach and a few people start to walk there.

“Let’s just follow them.” I say.

Ryan nods and takes Sam’s hand before we start to walk.

The kid complained that he can walk himself because he’s not a baby but Ryan still insists that he has to hold his hand.

The sight from the beach is awesome. The waves are crashing against the cliffs and the water is just so blue it seems unreal.  
  


“Does it sound too girly when I say that this is really beautiful?” Ryan asks and I simply nod. “Oh fuck you”

“Daddy!”

Ryan rolls his eyes but smiles down at the child.

“Where are they heading?” I ask loudly while watching the other people walk towards the cliffs.

“There should be a path somewhere. Look, there’s a railing.” Ryan says and I narrow my eyes to see it.

He’s right, there’s a railing between the rocks.

“Prepare yourself for a lot of bitching this evening. After this my legs will hurt like hell.” Ryan sighs.

Sam gasps and pushes Ryan’s hand away to run over to me.

“Up!” he whines and reaches out towards me.

“I thought you’re a big boy.” I laugh.

When he starts to pout I roll my eyes and help him to get on my shoulders. He laughs happily and pulls my hair. I grimace but say nothing.

“Let’s go.” I sigh and we start walking.

The first part of the path that leads up the cliff consists of stairs and my legs already hurt when we reach the top.

“God, would you mind carrying me as well?” Ryan laughs breathlessly.

“Yes, I would mind.”

“Damn”

“Go, Papa! Go!” Sam cheers and claws at my hair again.

“Thank god the father role is yours.” Ryan laughs and starts walking again.

“I will eat you in your sleep.” I growl but he just smiles.

“Can’t help that I’m so sweet.” He giggles.

“Shut up or I’ll rape you right now.”

“What’s rape?” Sam asks.

Ryan chokes and beams at me before running along the path.

“Rape means that you hurt someone.” I whisper so the people walking past won’t hear.

“But you won’t hurt Daddy, right?”

“Of course not. I was joking.” I explain and try to spot Ryan in the crowd of people.

He’s leaning on the railing about twenty feet away, watching the ocean. I smile and walk over to him, mirroring his position carefully so Sam won’t fall off. I take a hold of the boy’s legs and lean forward.  
  


“I don’t care what you say. This is beautiful.” Ryan says and keeps staring.

“We didn’t even see the cave yet.”

He shrugs and straightens up. His eyes move to look at something behind me and I turn. A couple is watching us with narrowed eyes.

“What?” I hiss.

“Please tell me that you’re a manly girl.” The woman says to Ryan.

His eyebrows raise and he looks up at me.

“Keep it to yourself.” I say and grab Ryan’s hand. “Damn homophobes.”

“What did you just say?” the man yells and steps forward.

“What? Homophobes?”  
“Yes. This has nothing to do with homophobia. You are ruining people’s day with your presence.”

“That’s exactly what homophobia is.” I laugh bitterly. “And please show me whose day we ruin.”

His eyes narrow even more.

“Well, beside yours.” I add.

“Are you corrupting the poor child as well? That’s disgusting.”

“Listen, idiot. Think whatever you want but leave us alone. We didn’t do anything. We just try to have a good day so fuck off.”

Sam pulls my hair slightly but stays silent.

“This is a public place and being around people like you makes others feel uncomfortable.”

“Could you just leave it?” Ryan asks carefully.

“Shut up. I bet you’re the one who gets a dick shoved up his ass!” the man laughs and his wife chimes in.

I just want to say something when someone steps in front of us.

“People like you make others feel uncomfortable so just shut up and leave before you get beat up.” The girl standing in front of us says to the couple.

“Why do you care?” the man asks.

“I care because you just insulted people for no reason at all.”

“No reason?!”

“Dude, you better leave now.” Another voice says and a boy steps next to the girl.

The man opens his mouth but his wife grabs his arm and yanks him away.

We watch them go and stay silent for a few seconds.

“Thanks” I say and they turn around.

The boy smiles at us and shrugs. He has black hair and nice brown eyes.

“No problem. I can’t stand people like them.” The girl says and Ryan tightens his grip on my hand.

I frown at him but he’s just staring at the girl. When I look at her as well my eyes widen. Her green eyes glow and her pale skin looks inhuman. Red locks frame her shining face.

She seems to notice our looks because she grins and folds her arms over her chest, observing us with an interested look.

“Y-you- ” Ryan stutters but she cuts him off.

“Seems like it.” She says with a wide smile. “I’m Tate and that’s Collin.”

The boy waves briefly and leans against the railing. I wait for Ryan to say something but he doesn’t.

“I’m Brendon and that’s Ryan.” I say.

“And who are you?” Tate asks and looks up at Sam who rests his head on top of mine.  
“Sam” he whispers shyly.

“I hate to interrupt this but we don’t want to miss our bus.” Collin says and smiles uneasy.

Tate rolls her eyes.

“Oh man. What’s your hotel?” she asks.

“Costa Calma beach.” I say.

“Hm, do you guys have a phone?”

I nod and hand her mine. She beams and saves her number into it.

“We should meet up some time.”

Ryan and I nod and she beams again.

“Bye then”

“Bye” I say and watch them walk away.

We stay silent till Sam pulls my hair again.

“Papa, go!”

“Ouch”

“I never thought I would meet someone like me.” Ryan whispers and I just nod.

“Papa!”

“Okay, okay!” I laugh and pull Ryan away.

“We should hang out with them.” Ryan mumbles. “I want to talk to her.”

“We could do that.”

We keep walking for five minutes before we round a corner. Ryan lets go of my hand and beams at the sight in front of us. There are large caves holing the side of the cliff, the water filling a part of them. Ryan is smiling like Sam does when he gets ice cream.  
  


“Hey, are you still alive up there?” I ask Sam.

“Uh huh”

“Come on, I want to go there!” Ryan cheers and grabs my hand again to pull me away.

We almost run along the path till we arrive at one of the caves. There are a few people crawling over the rocks and kids are yelling around. Ryan keeps pulling till we have to leave the steps leading down to jump onto the first rock.

“Papa, I want down!” Sam says.

“Oh no. You stay where you are.”

“But I want down!” he whines and pulls my hair.

“Let him down. We’ll keep an eye on him.” Ryan says and starts to make his way further into the cave.

I sigh and crouch down so Sam can jump off my shoulders. The boy almost falls and I reach out to hold him.

“Careful” I whisper and he nods.

When I let him go he starts to run after Ryan. I grimace every time he stumbles or jumps a bit too far.

“Bren! Come on!”

My gaze raises and Ryan is waving at me. I almost can’t see him anymore, that’s how dark it is back there. I look down again and sigh relieved when Sam reaches Ryan.  
  


Carefully I make my way over to them into the dark.

“Do you think we could go in there?” Ryan asks, looking into the black hole in front of us.

“Don’t”

“Give me your phone.”

“No”

“Bren”

I roll my eyes and get my phone out to bring light into the dark. It’s still not bright enough to see anything but I start to walk inside anyway.

“Papa!” I hear Sam whine and turn around.

He’s still a few feet away from the dark part of the cave and looks after us with frightened eyes.

“Shh, don’t worry.” Ryan says and pushes against my back.

I raise my hand so the phone is shining the way and start to walk further.

Soon we’re wrapped in complete darkness and even the phone can’t do much.

“Daddy!” Sam cries somewhere.

“We should go back.” I say and Ryan seems to agree because he takes my hand and pulls me backwards.

“Uhm … where’s the way back?” he asks.

“Right behind you.”

“No, there’s a wall.”

“Papa!” Sam yells frantically.

I look into the direction where I hear his voice and try to walk that way but crash against another wall.

“Come back!” the kid yells and I turn again and start walking.

After a few seconds I see light shining into the darkness and sigh relieved. When we step out Sam runs towards us, tears running down his cheeks.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’re back.” Ryan soothes and embraces the boy.

“Don’t go away!” Sam cries and Ryan pats his back.

He looks up at me and I crouch down as well to wrap my arms around both of them.

We stay like that for a few minutes before we draw back again.

“Everything okay?” I ask and Sam nods. “Good. Come on. Do you want to jump over the rocks by the water?”

He nods and I take his hand while we stumble back into the sunlight, Ryan following. When we reach the water, I help Sam onto one of the big rocks and we look down. The boy struggles to crawl forward but I hold him in place.

“Not further that that.” I whisper and he nods and sits down again.

I look around and spot Ryan sitting on one of the big rocks as well, looking down into the water.  
  


I don’t know how long we stay like that and just watch the waves crash against the cliffs but some time I decide that we should head back and help Sam to jump off the stone. Ryan looks up as well and nods before getting up and walking over to us.

On the walk back we’re silent. Sam is sitting on my shoulders again but he’s not pulling my hair this time because he’s busy napping. Ryan falls asleep as well when we’re on the bus and I just watch them the whole ride back to the hotel.

When we arrive there I wake both of them though because we have to eat something before he head to our room to sleep.

“Well, this day was better than yesterday.” I say and take a few fries off Ryan’s plate.

He just smiles at me tiredly and looks next to himself where Sam fell asleep with his head on the table.

 

*

 

We spend the next few days at the beach, not letting Sam out of sight for more than ten seconds. I actually don’t get people who are able to spend two weeks at the beach without doing something else. That would be too boring for me.

It’s day five and it’s already getting dark outside. We decided to take a walk because Sam didn’t want to sleep already.

So now we’re walking along the beach. Ryan and I are holding hands while watching Sam. The boy runs down to the water and screams happily when the waves almost catch him.

“So what do you want to do tomorrow?” I ask and let go of Ryan’s hand to wrap my arm around his waist.

“Please let’s do something that doesn’t contain going to the beach. It’s getting boring.” He whines and I smile to myself.

“Point taken.”

“We should call Tate and Collin and ask if they want to do something.”

“Good idea. Let’s call them tomorrow morning.”

He beams and struggles out of my grip to run after Sam while laughing loudly. Sam cries out and starts to run away, giggling.

I watch the sight in front of me happily.

It doesn’t take Ryan long to catch Sam. He picks the kid up and jumps towards me again.

“I caught this dangerous animal. We’re safe again.” He giggles and kisses me.

“Down!” Sam whines but Ryan just tightens his grip, causing Sam to squeak.

“Careful. It may hurt you.” I grin.

Sam sticks out his tongue at me and raises his tiny hand to grab Ryan’s nose. Ryan looks down at it confused before grinning.

“Oh no! It’s attacking you!” I yell and take Sam from Ryan. “We have to kill it!”

Ryan laughs behind me while I run a few feet into the water. I’m wearing shorts and no shoes so my clothes stay dry.

I grab Sam with both hands and hold him away form my body. He looks down into the water and starts to struggle. I let my grip loosen a bit and Sam cries out.

“Bren, come here again.” Ryan laughs behind me.

“No! I have to save you, my love.”

“You already saved me, idiot.”

“Oh … right.”

I hold Sam to my body and step out of the water.

“That was mean!” Sam cries and I put him down.

He hits my leg before running away again.

“I’m tired. Maybe we should head back.” Ryan says and yawns.

I wrap my arm around his shoulders and we continue to walk.

“But it’s so nice outside.” I whisper.

“Papa, come climb!”

We look up to see Sam climbing over a few rocks leading up to a road.

“Be careful!” Ryan yells but Sam just grins and continues to climb.

I tighten my grip on Ryan and pull him with me to where Sam is. The kid reached the top and is bouncing happily before running off.

“Sam!” I yell but he’s already gone. “Come on. Let’s catch him again.”

Ryan sighs and we start to get up there as well. We’re able to just step over the rocks so we arrive at the top quickly. There is another resort at the end of the road and Sam is just running through the gate.

“We have to buy a leash for him.” Ryan jokes and I chuckle before pulling him along.

When we reach the gate as well we peak inside.

“Sam! Come here!” I hiss but nothing happens.

Somewhere nearby I hear Sam laugh.

I step inside and round a corner, Ryan behind me.

When I spot Sam my anger melts away. He’s sitting on the ground, petting a small orange cat. Ryan giggles and Sam looks up.

“Look! Kitties!” he cheers on what the cat jumps up.

Sam loves cats. They are everywhere on this island but most of them don’t like kids running towards them.

“No, kitty! Come back!” Sam whines and runs after it.

“Sam, leave the poor cat alone. We want to head back.” I say.

“No! I want the kitty!”

“You can’t have the kitty.”

“That’s actually not quite true.” Another voice says.

I look up and there’s a man standing next to us.

“The cats here are mating like crazy so we tend to give them away.” He says.

“I can have the kitty?” Sam cheers, looking up at us with big eyes.

“No, Sam.” I look up at the man again. “I’m sorry, we’re not interested.”

“Papa, I want the kitty!”

I open my mouth but Ryan elbows my side.

“He wants the kitty.” He whispers menacingly and glares at me. “Get him the kitty, Bren.”

“But- ”

“Brendon”

Damn, he’s calling me Brendon. This is serious. I look up at the man again and he’s smirking as well.

“Fine. But we can’t take it to the hotel with us.” I say and fold my arms over my chest.

“No problem. You can get it when you’re leaving. I’ll make sure no one else gets it till them.”

“Thanks” Ryan says with a smile.

I frown and watch Sam again. His cat is jumping around another bigger one. When the bigger one attacks it, Sam gasps.  
  


“Leave kitty alone!” the kid yells, running towards the cats.

The bigger one runs away but the other stays and licks its chest.

“Alright, I think we should leave.” I say and thank the man again.

When he walked off I sigh.

“Ryan. Really? A cat?” I ask.

He shrugs and walks over to pick Sam up against his will.

“No, Daddy! Down!”

“We’ll get the cat when we leave.”

“Promise?”

“Promise”

“Okay”

We leave the resort and walk along the road again. Just now I notice how beautiful the view in front of us is.  
  


Sam is running around again and Ryan watches him.

“Hey Ry” I whisper and he turns to look at me curiously.

I just walk towards him and wrap my arms around his waist.

“What?” he asks with a small smile.

“I just wanted to hug you.” I smile against his temple.

“Why?”

“Because I love you.”

“You’re weird.”

“I don’t care.”

I draw back when I feel something touch my leg.

“Papa, I want up.” Sam yawns and I smile down at him before picking him up.

“We should get him into bed.” Ryan smiles softly.

“We should get ourselves into bed too.” I say and he nods.

It takes us ten minutes till we’re back at the hotel and five more to get into our room.

Sam is already asleep and I place him on the bed carefully. Ryan and I change into our pyjamas and lie down next to the child.

“I get you tonight.” I whisper and wrap my arms around Ryan.

“You get my every night.”

“No, usually Sam is cuddling with you.”

“Oh, being jealous of a child, huh?”  
“Yes”

I kiss his forehead and he buries his face in my neck.

“I wish we could have sex right now.” I whisper.

“Shut up or I’ll cuddle with Sam.”

“No no no. I said nothing. Forget it.” I hurry to say and Ryan giggles.

I don’t care what people say, Ryan giggling is still the cutest sound ever.

Seems like I said that out loud because he just giggles louder.

“Shut up, Bren.”

I tighten my grip and he sighs contently.

Listening to his breathing, I fall asleep.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

“Sam, how often do I have to tell you that you can’t get ice cream at the breakfast buffet?” I tell the whining boy.

“But I want!”

“You can’t get everything you want.”

“You have to learn that.” Brendon adds.

I nod and watch Sam pout.

“You can pout as much as you want. It’s useless.” Brendon says and looks at me. “I think I’ll call Tate now and ask if they want to hang out.”

I nod happily and Brendon gets his phone out. A few seconds later he holds it to his ear and waits.

“Tate, hey. It’s Brendon … yes, I wanted to ask if you guys want to do something today. … Okay, yes … that would be awesome. Alright, see you.”

I raise my eyebrows at him when he hangs up.

“They wanted to go to the zoo anyway and she asked if we want to come with. They’ll pick us up in half an hour.”

I beam at him.

“Awesome. Sammy, we are going to the zoo!”

“Zoo!” Sam cheers.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

We wait for five minutes before a small red car shows up in front of the hotel.

Tate grins at us through the window and we get into the backseat, Sam in my lap.

“Hey!” Tate greets and turns in her seat to look at us.

It’s kind of hard not to stare at her. I start to understand why everyone always stares at Ryan. I mean, I live with him. I don’t know him any other way. It’s normal for  _him_  to look like that, but Tate freaks me out a bit.

Don’t get me wrong. I  _am_  gay, but she’s really beautiful.

When Ryan hits my arm I look away.

“You might want to stare at your boyfriend rather than me.” Tate laughs.

Collin starts the car and turns away from the hotel.

“Husband” I correct.

“What?” she asks.

I beam and reach out to take Ryan’s hand, showing her the rings.

“Oh my god!” she cheers. “You’re married?”

“Yep. This is our honeymoon, actually.”

“That’s awesome! You’re so cute together.”

Ryan smiles to himself and looks out of the window.

“You’re a pretty girl.” Sam babbles.

Tate beams at him and winks.

“But Daddy is prettier!”

“Tss, you’re corrupting the poor child.” Tate jokes and we all start to laugh.

“So where did you get the car?” I ask.

“We rented it.” Collin says without looking away from the road.

“We should have done that as well.” I tell Ryan and he just shrugs.

“That won’t be necessary. We can drive you around.” Tate says.

“I didn’t agree on that.” Collin jokes.

“So … zoo, huh?” Ryan asks and Sam claps happily.

“Yep! It’s not an actual zoo. Just a park with a few small animals. Nothing too big. It’s called Oasis Park, I think.”

“She just wants to see the otters.” Collin laughs and Tate nods with a big smile.

“Seriously, otters are so cute! Mr. Freak here wants to see the snakes. There’s a show where you can touch them and stuff.” Tate explains and shudders while Collin just shrugs.

“Snakes are awesome, man.” I say but Ryan grimaces next to me.

“I prefer the otters, I guess.” He says.

“This is perfect! You freaks watch that show and Ryan and I stay with the otters.” Tate cheers.

“Snakes or otters, Sammy?” I ask the boy.

“Snakes!”

“Oh no. He just knows his plush snake. He stays with me!” Ryan says and folds his arms in front of his chest.

Tate laughs and I roll my eyes with a smile.

 

*

 

When we enter the park I immediately spot the sign with the times for the shows on it.

“Damn! The first snake show starts in ten minutes!” I say and turn towards the others.

“We don’t have to see the first one.” Collin shrugs.

“Uh huh, we have to. There aren’t that many people here. Later there will be a crowd.”

“Okay”

I beam and run over to the park plan, trying to find where the show takes place.

“Found it! That’s not too far. Come on.” I cheer.

“Oh god, you’re almost as annoying as Tate.” Collin sighs.

“I love you too.” Tate says with narrowed eyes. “By the way, I hope the park isn’t that big.”

Collin looks away from her and studies the plan as well.

“Nope, the otters are near the snakes anyway. No problem.”

“Fabulous! Let’s go!” I say and we all start to walk.

The cages we walk by aren’t really interesting. There are just some birds and stuff. Even Sam thinks they are boring.

We make it to the snake show in five minutes, buying our tickets (yes, there are extra tickets for a show. FML) and walking in after telling the others to meet us by the otter cage in an hour.

There are just five more people already sitting around and Collin and I sit down a few feet away from them.

“We still have five minutes till it starts.” He tells me and leans back.

I nod and mirror his position.

We are silent for a minute before I start to talk.

“So we have a lot in common, huh?”

He looks at me and shrugs.

“Seems like it.” He mumbles.

“You’re not the talking kind of guy, I see.”

“Not really. Sometimes I don’t get why I’m with Tate. She’s way too hyper for me. Always talking and bouncing around. It drives me crazy half the time.”

I laugh and he sends me an amused look.

“Ryan is bearable. Sam is the hyper one.”

“Yeah, I see. How old are you anyway? You seem too young to have a child.”

“I’m 22. Ryan is 23.”  
“That’s really young. Not that I’m one to talk but I’m 25 and Tate is 24. Well, not that much of a difference.”  
I nod and look up when there’s a gong. A voice starts to talk in a language I think is Spanish. Then yet another language. It may be German but I can’t be sure.

“ _We apologize. The show will be delayed for several minutes_.” The next voice says and Collin groans.

“Whatever. More time to talk.” I say and grin at Collin who just smiles uneasily and sighs.

“You talk. I listen. Tell me about you and Ryan.” He says and I grin before I start telling him everything.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

“Oh my god! Isn’t this the cutest thing you ever saw in your life?!” Tate yells at the otters in the cage.

The animals squeak at her and she makes a high-pitched noise. I lean on the railing next to her, looking down at the creatures swimming around. Sam is standing by my side, looking through the glass.  
  


“Daddy, up!”

I glance down at Sam and pick him up so he can look down with me. Tate turns to look at us and beams.

“Okay, no.  _This_  is the cutest thing ever.”

I smile and keep holding Sam carefully so he won’t fall.

“Alright, the otters have to wait. Let’s sit down.” She says and grabs my arm to pull me away from the cage and over to a bank.

We both sit down and Sam plops down in my lap.

“I want to know everything!” Tate beams.

“Uhm … everything?”

“Yes! Tell me how you met Brendon and Sam!”

I open my mouth but stop when someone walks over to us.

“Well hello.” The guy now standing over us says.

He opens his mouth again but Tate is already talking.

“I kick you in the nuts if you say another word so leave.” She hisses.

The guy’s eyes widen and he quickly walks away.

“Wow, I still need Brendon to fight those creeps off.” I say and she shrugs.

“You’ll learn it. Now. Talk!”

I think for a few seconds before I start to talk.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

By the time the show starts I told Collin our whole story. At first it seemed as if he wasn’t listening at all but soon he sat up and watched me closely while I talked.

“Wow, sounds like a movie or something.” He breathes out.

“Yeah, our story is pretty adventurous.” I admit.

“You could say that. Ours is … rather boring.”

“I want to hear it!”

Just then a man walks in, carrying a large snake.

“After the show, buddy.” Collin smiles and watches the snake with a smirk.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

When I finish I take a deep breath and watch Tate carefully.

“Oh my god. That’s so awesome!” she cheers. “I swear I would die to live in hunted mansion.”

“Don’t say that.” I whisper and look down, trying to not think about it too clearly.

“Oh, I didn’t … sorry, I should know better.”

“No problem.”

“So you have the problem with the distance as well, huh?”

I nod.

“That sucks. I never really experienced it since Collin never leaves me.”

“It hurts more than everything you ever felt, believe me. It’s like … you swallowed razorblades and they are cutting you from the inside, ripping you apart and all you want is to die so it’s over.”

I feel her stare but refuse to look over.

It’s silent for a while and Sam starts to play with my hand out of boredom.

“Wow, I’m sorry.” Tate says carefully.

I just nod quickly and look down at Sam as he starts to turn the ring on my finger.

“It’s so awesome you’re married though. Brendon really loves you. I know this sounds cheesy because they always say that in books and movies but … I see the way he looks at you.”

A soft smile creeps over my face.

“Well, Sam and I are everything he has. I just have them as well but that’s different. He’s supposed to still have a family.” I whisper.

Tate nods and looks up to watch people walk by.

“I’m jealous of you, Ryan.” She says after a while and I look up at her with raised eyebrows.

“Why?”

“You may not know it but you have everything. Your boyfr- … husband showed he loves you more than once by saving you. You have friends, you’re married and you have Sam. Yes, you had to go through some really bad stuff at first but now you really have everything.”

“I don’t have everything.”

“You have a family. That is everything.”

“You’re talking like Brendon.”

She shrugs and keeps looking away.

“Doesn’t Collin love you?” I ask carefully.

“Oh he does. He would die for me if that would be possible. But he’s not the kind of boyfriend who takes you out into the desert to propose in a circle of candles. He’s more the ‘let’s cuddle and watch a movie’ type. I love him and stuff but I don’t think he considers me family the way Brendon does with you. You see, we’re living in the same town than his parents and they come over a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but when they are there I just feel the distance between him and his family … and me.” She stops for a moment. “I’m just like a pet he once got and now he has to take care of it because I’m not able to live on my own.”

I can’t help but feel relieved that this didn’t happen to me. What Tate is telling me was my biggest fear once.

Once that thought appeared I feel like an asshole.

“Tell me your story.” I plead.

She finally turns to look at me and smiles before nodding.

“Okay. It’s not like your story though.”

I shrug and keep smiling till she starts talking.

“Collin was 17 when he visited his grandparents in Germany. They lived quite far away from the next town so he got bored and started to walk around outside. One day he found an old asylum and went in. I have to admit that no normal teenager would do that but every time I ask him about it he just shrugs and tells me how bored he was back then.” She laughs. “There he found me. I’m not crazy or something, don’t worry. I can’t really remember why I was there. I don’t remember much anyway.”

“Let me guess. You told him you’re alive?”

“No, I told him that I’m dead right away. He freaked out a bit and didn’t come back for a week but when he did, he didn’t leave. We talked for hours and some nights he stayed with me. It was really creepy in there so I was scared at night because the other ghosts freaked me out. It went on like that for a few months and then, one day Collin came running with an old book, beaming at me. I think you know how it went after that.”

I nod and frown.

“Wait, you couldn’t leave the asylum?”

“No, that thing was like a giant- ”

“Like a giant soul catcher.” I finished and she nodded. “The mansion was like that too.”

“Yes, some places are like that. When enough people die at one place that just happens.”

“Really?”

She nods.

“Oh … okay.”

She looks away again and seems to be far away.

“That was eight years ago already.” She laughs.

“Eight years? Wow”

She nods and jumps up out of sudden.

“Look! There’s an ice cream van!” she yells and starts running towards it.

Sam squeaks and jumps off me to run after her.

I smile lovingly and get up to follow.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

The show ended twenty minutes ago and we’re just walking through the reptile house since we decided that Ryan and Tate wouldn’t want to see it anyway.

Collin already told me everything and we stopped talking a few minutes ago and just watch the creatures behind the glass.

“We should stay in contact.” I say out of sudden and Collin looks up at me.

“Yes, maybe. I bet Tate would like that.”

“Apropos … maybe we should go back. They probably worry about us.”

He sighs and follows me out of the house and five minutes later we reach the otter cage.

“Papa! I have ice cream!” I hear Sam yell before I even see him running towards me.

Ryan and Tate follow after him, both holding some of the sweet stuff themselves.

“Hey! I hope you’re happy now.” I laugh and crouch down in front of the kid.

He giggles and pushes his ice cream towards me, getting some on my cheek. He laughs and runs over to Ryan. I get up again and make an attempt to wipe it off but Ryan stops me by stepping into my personal space.

He smiles at me before leaning in to lick it off my cheek.

“Ew!” Sam squeaks and Ryan draws back again to laugh.

“How comes the sudden confidence?” I ask mischievously.

He smiles and bites his lip before leaning forward so his lips almost touch my ear.

“I love you” he whispers and steps away again to pick Sam up.

I reach out to grab his free hand and smile down at it.

“Let’s go. Other than the otters I didn’t see anything of this park.” Tate whines and grabs for Collin’s hand to pull him along the path, Ryan and I following.

 

*

 

We spent the whole day in the park and by the time we get in the car it’s already dark outside.

Ryan was kind of weird today. Whenever he got a chance he would kiss or hug me. He was very affectionate in general.

Now he’s pressed up against me in the car even if there’s enough room for three people. He yawns and rests his head on my shoulder. Sam is sprawled over both our laps, asleep and I play with his hair mindlessly.

Tate and Collin are talking quietly so I can’t understand what they’re saying but I don’t really mind.

“Hey Ry” I whisper softly and pat his shoulder.

He stirs and buries his face in my neck.

“What is it with you today?” I ask just as quiet.

“What do you mean?” he mumbles.

“Time to get to sleep, guys. We totally have to hang out again!” Tate says and I look up, noticing that we’re already in front of our hotel.

“Oh, yes of course.” I smile. “Thank you”

“No problem. See you, guys.”

We say our goodbyes and I grab Sam before getting out of the car. We wave and they speed off.

It takes us five minutes to get to our room where I lie Sam down on the bed carefully since he’s still asleep. Ryan watches him for a moment before he wraps his arms around my neck and walks backwards, falling down on the bed with me on top of him.

“Seriously, what’s going on?” I ask with a small smile but he just shrugs and starts to kiss me passionately.

Well, it’s not like I’m protesting.

He sucks on my bottom lip and I open my mouth to let his tongue slide in. We start a fight for dominance and soon I win that fight, pressing his wrists into the mattress above his head and biting his lip hard.

He moans loudly and buckles up against me. We’re not really hard yet but if we keep this going we might have a problem.

“Ry, Sam is right here.” I whisper breathlessly.

“He’s asleep.” Ryan says and connects our lips again.

“We are not having sex while Sam is here.”

“No sex. Just making out.”

I sigh and sit back a bit, looking down at him. He makes a displeased noise and pushes himself up with his hands so he’s resting on his elbows.

“What happened?” I ask seriously.

“Nothing happened”

“Don’t lie to me.”

He bites his lip, which is bleeding by the way, and looks away.

“I just realized once again how happy I can be to have you.” He says after a while.

“And because of that you want to suck the life out of me?”

“Yes, I miss this.”

“You know what I miss?”

He raises his eyebrows.

“I miss the times when we used to fuck eight times in a row just because we were able to.”

He starts to giggle and I lean forward to kiss his nose.

“But if I could choose between that and Sam I would always choose Sam.” I whisper and press our foreheads together.

“Yeah, me too.”

We just stare into each other’s eyes for a few minutes.

I want to look away because I’m tired and just want to sleep but Ryan’s glowing honey orbs won’t let me go.

After a while I just roll to the side so we’re facing each other and keep staring. When Ryan finally looks away I move forward to peck him on the lips before curling around him.

Ryan’s breathing and Sam’s soft snoring lull me into sleep quickly.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

The next day we call Collin and Tate again and they come over to our beach to spend the day with us. It feels good to know that there are quite a few people looking after Sam.

I am still throwing myself at Brendon like some cheep whore but this time he’s not confused. He beams whenever I do it and when I push a bit too far I can see the want in his eyes.

It’s killing me that we’re not able to do anything other than kiss but I guess I rather have it like that than Sam seeing us when we do more.

We may be horn dogs (well, we were) but we are not risking Sam’s mental health for it.

“Collin! Come here already and have fun with us!” Tate yells at her boyfriend.

We are all in the water except for Collin who’s lying on one of the beach chairs, reading a book.

He lowers it for a moment to look at us before raising it again.

“Dear god. He’s so boring.” Tate sighs.

We stand there in the water, just watching the waves silently before Brendon beams.

“I know something fun!”

He helps Sam over into Tate’s arms and rushes towards me again.

“What are you about to do?”

He grins and crouches down a bit to get his arms underneath me.

“Bren!” I yell and grab his neck with both arms.

“Aw cute. Bridal style.” Tate giggles.

“Yep, cute!” Brendon cheers before throwing me away.

I yell and crash through the surface, struggling for a moment before I emerge again.

“This is something fun to you?” I yell and Brendon just giggles.

“Papa throw Daddy away!” Sam babbles and claps.

“No, bad Papa!” I say and they start to laugh.

When the laughter fades away again Brendon comes towards me.

“You wish.” He whispers.

“Oh, talking dirty?”

“What if I do?”

I grin and lean forward to suck at his bottom lip. His hands wander down to my waist and his fingertips dare to move past the waistband of my trunks.

Tate coughs and Brendon steps away.

“Are you guys always like this?” she asks and I look down with a smile.

“Actually, no” Brendon answers after considering for a while.

“You know, we could take care of Sam for a few hours if you want to- ”

“No!” I say quickly.

She blinks at me and shrugs.

Brendon turns towards me again and raises his eyebrows quizzically. I lean forward to whisper to him.

“Don’t get me wrong but I’m not going to leave Sam with them just yet.”

“You really are an overprotective mother.” He grins.

“I don’t care.”  
He smiles and kisses my cheek.

“Well, but I get your point.”

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

We do this for a couple of days.

Meeting up with Collin and Tate to hang out on the beach and I have to admit that it gets harder and harder to refuse Tate’s offer.

Ryan and I are lying in the beach chairs while Collin and Tate are helping Sam to build a sand castle by the water.

“Do you think they will notice if we disappear for a while?” Ryan whispers next to my ear and I turn my head.

He’s grinning and biting his lip.

“I don’t think so.” I whisper back and lean forward to catch his lips in a sloppy kiss.

He smiles into it and jumps over into my lap, still kissing me.

“Ry, not here.”

“Then let’s go to our room.”

“No”  
He makes a displeased noise and sits back, looking down at me.

“Why not?”

“Daddy! Look at my sand castle!” Sam yells and runs towards us.

Ryan’s expression changes immediately and he jumps off me. Sam reaches him and grabs his hand to pull him along. Ryan laughs and follows down the beach.

I sit up a bit and watch them.

It’s like Ryan has two personalities. One for me and one for Sam.

They sit in front of the castle now, Collin and Tate are a few feet away. Sam beams at Ryan and talks about his castle happily while Ryan just listens with that smile.

This is the smile he only wears for Sam and no one else. I wonder if I have a special look for the kid as well.

Slowly I get up to make my way over to them. When I stand in front of the castle Sam looks up at me and beams.

“Papa, this is my castle!”

I smile and crouch down.

“Wow, this is pretty good.” I say and ruffle his hair.

He nods and grabs more sand.

“Is it okay if you stay with Tate and Collin for a while?”

He looks up and tilts his head to the side.

“Where are you going?”

“Oh we have to do some boring parent stuff.”

“Oh, okay”

I beam and lock my gaze with Ryan’s who looks as if he’s not sure whether to smile or to worry.

“Hey Tate!” I yell and she looks up. “Could you watch Sam for a while?”

“Of course. What are you two doing?” she asks knowingly.

“Oh nothing” I say and get up, holding my hand out for Ryan to take.

He takes it and I help him get up before I start to pull him with me.

“Eager much, huh?” He laughs.

We leave the beach and just when we are inside the resort again I whirl around and press my lips to his. He smiles into it and pushes against my chest lightly.

“Save it for the bedroom.” He whispers and I grin before pulling him along again.

I hear him giggle behind me and almost start to run.

When we finally arrive in our room I shut the door quickly and push Ryan down on the bed.

“You don’t even have to do something to make me go crazy.” I say breathlessly and jump on top of him.

“Good to know that this didn’t change in almost five years.” He whispers.

“Your fault”

I finally lean down to connect our lips again and Ryan opens his mouth eagerly.

“And you wanted to turn it down just ten minutes ago.” He laughs when I pull back.

“Shut up”

“Make me”

I react to his stupid grin with one of my own and bite his lip. Only seconds later I taste blood and maybe that should freak me out or something but it’s just turning me on even more.

“Do you have lube or something?” Ryan whispers between kisses.

“I don’t think so but- ”

“Oh fuck it”

His hands travel down to the waistband of my trunks to pull them down. I get them off completely and throw them to the floor. Ryan’s trunks follow quickly after.

“You know, I almost started to think I don’t have an effect on you anymore.” Ryan giggles.

“You don’t. At least not like you have on other people.”

“Tell yourself that.”

I narrow my eyes and push my hips down so our unclothed erections slide together which causes Ryan to moan loudly. His eyes widen and he covers his mouth with one hand.

“You don’t have to be quiet.” I say and grab both of his wrists to hold them over his head much like I did the last time we were in this position.

“Oh honey, your lip is bleeding.” I say with fake concern and lean forward to lick the blood off.

He opens his mouth to say something but I cover it with mine completely to swallow his words. He makes a cute noise that isn’t really a moan but can’t be called a whimper either.

When we break apart I make an attempt to get off the bed but Ryan holds me back.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m not doing this without lube or something similar.” I tell him.

“I’m not going to have lotion up my ass.”

Amused, I raise my eyebrows.

“Just- ” he starts and pulls me down again. “We don’t have that much time. It can’t be too bad. I’ve felt worse pain then that.”

I consider for a moment before nodding and leaning down for a sweet kiss. When we break apart I push our foreheads together and stare into his eyes.

“Is it weird that I always feel like breaking you?” I ask with a slight grin.

“My god, Bren! Stop talking and fuck me already!”

I roll my eyes and lean back to settle between his legs. My gaze travels up to meet Ryan’s and he watches me with annoyance. It’s not that I’m really nervous, we just never did this without lube and I can imagine that it has to hurt like a bitch.

“Bren!”

“Okay, okay. But don’t bitch about it later.”

I spit into my hand and rub it over my cock, knowing that it won’t do much. Getting into position, I crawl forward to kiss him slowly before I push in just as carefully. He makes a voice like a grunt and bites my lip hard. He’ll probably kill me if I stop and ask if he’s okay so I keep sliding in till I’m all the way inside, breaking away from the kiss.

When I hear a pained hiss escape his lips I raise my head to watch him and his face looks tense, his eyes closed tightly.

“Ry, relax.” I whisper.

He nods quickly and opens his eyes again, nodding towards me. I nod back and slide out almost all the way before pushing in again. In an attempt to hold back a moan I start to bite my lip. It feels wrong to enjoy this while Ryan is in pain.

I keep sliding out and pushing in again, watching his face closely but his expression doesn’t change. Come on, we don’t have sex for two month and I start to become a loser in bed?

I don’t think so.

When I change the angle slightly and push in again Ryan shows a reaction though, starting to moan.

“Finally” I breathe out and keep thrusting into that spot over and over again.

Ryan is falling apart beneath me, moaning and gasping.

When I feel the familiar warm feeling slide up my body I lean down to catch his lips in a sloppy kiss. My hand moves down to his cock and I start to stroke him in unison with my thrusts, burying my face in his neck. I start to suck and bite the soft skin there, surely leaving a mark.

It doesn’t take long and he’s coming all over our stomachs, moaning my name and a few curses. I keep thrusting for a few seconds before I come as well, biting his neck so hard that he whimpers.

After I stopped my movements I collapse on his chest, both of us breathing heavily.

We lie there like that for a few minutes before I pull out and fall down next to him.  
“I missed this.” He breathes out.

“Same, but don’t dare to bitch about your ass hurting tomorrow.”

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Obviously” I say sarcastically.

He rolls his eyes and silence falls over us. I roll onto my side to watch him and he does the same and before I know what is happening we’re making out again.

“Ready for round two?” he asks mischievously.

“What? Are you serious?”

He nods and crawls on top of me.

“You’re so not going to top.” I laugh.

“I’m not.” He whispers and bites my earlobe playfully. “Let’s ride.”

 

*

 

When we get back to the beach, two hours passed and we are exhausted as fuck.

We did it five times in a row followed by a make out session in the shower. Ryan may not bitch about it tomorrow but his looks will tell me everything (that and the fact that he’s going to wince in pain every time he sits down).

“Where have you been?” Sam yells and runs towards us.

Ryan bites his lip and crouches down slowly to greet the boy.

“Hey, did you have fun?”

“No, it was really boring.” Sam whines and wraps his arms around Ryan’s neck to be picked up.

Ryan sighs and gets up, holding the boy.

“We should eat something and head to our room again. I’m going to fall asleep every second.” I breathe out and walk over to the chairs to get our stuff.

Tate and Collin are lying on one of them.

“Hey hey hey. Did you have fun?” Tate asks with a wide smile.

“Yes, thanks for looking after Sam.”

“How often did you fuck? Seriously, you were gone for two hours.”

“What makes you think we fucked?”

She raises one eyebrow and looks over at Ryan and then back at me.

“Yes, okay. We did fuck. Five times. But hey, we don’t get that chance too often since we have Sam.”

“Dude, too much information.” Collin says and gets up to pack his stuff.

We just ignore him and go on.

“I’m not judging you. I mean, you just got married. You deserve this.” Tate tells me.

“Exactly”

“So, I guess we’ll see you guys around?”

“Yes, we are definitely hanging out again.”

“Awesome!”

Ryan walks over to us and we say our goodbyes before heading towards the resort again. We grab something to eat and go to our room where the room service already changed the bedclothes (we asked them to do it).

We change into our pyjamas and lie down in a tangle of limbs, Sam between us.

“Daddy?”

“Hm?” Ryan asks.

“Tate told me you’re very special. What does that mean?”

“It means just that.” I say.

“What else did she tell you?” Ryan asks, worry in his eyes.

“She said I’m lucky to have you and that you love me.”

“You didn’t know that already?” I ask slowly, feeling a bit hurt.

“I did.”

Suddenly Ryan moves back a bit to look directly at Sam.

“Sam, your Papa and I love you so much we would die for you.” He says and shoots me a quick glance. “Always remember that, okay?”

“No, then you would be dead and I would be alone.”

“That won’t happen. We are not going to leave you.”

“One day, you will.”

Sam is too intelligent for his age when it comes to things like that.

“I’m not going to lie about this. You’re right. One day we won’t be there and you’re going to be on your own but that isn’t going to happen in the near future.” I explain.

“You love me?” the kid asks.

“Of course we love you, sweetie. Why do you doubt it?” Ryan says with sad eyes.

“B-because after you left there was a man and he talked to Tate. He said bad things about you and that someone should take me away because you can’t love me the right way.”

“What?! Why didn’t you tell us?” Ryan gasps and looks at me. “Why didn’t Tate tell us?”

I shrug.

“Don’t listen to him, Sammy. Don’t you ever listen to people who try to tell you that we don’t love you. Do you understand?”

The boy nods and grabs Ryan’s shirt to pull him down again. Ryan obeys and soon we’re cuddled together again. When I catch his eye I mouth  _‘I love you’_  and he smiles and leans forward to kiss me quickly.

I have to admit that this day was pretty awesome because Ryan and I finally had some time alone but if I were to choose I would always choose this. Just lying in bed and cuddling with the two people I love the most.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

We don’t meet up with Collin and Tate the next day. They deserve some time alone as well.

So we decide to go to one of the pools at the resort. It’s safe and there is some stuff for kids so Sam won’t get bored.

The boy already found some other kids to play with. I don’t think they even speak English but they are getting along so whatever.

Brendon is lying on the chair next to me and reads a book. I tried that too, but I got bored quickly so I’m just watching Sam.

Seems like they’re playing something by the way they run around. The other kids are talking in a language I don’t understand and Sam looks at them as if they are aliens. When they turn towards him to ask something he squeaks and starts running over to us. Okay, maybe they don’t get along.

“Daddy!”

I sit up and wait till he reached me.

“What is it?”

“That boy said something I didn’t understand.”

“That’s because he’s talking in another language. It’s not a reason to be scared though.”

“I’m not scared.”

I smile and pat his head.

“I’m bored. Can we go into the water?”

I nod and get up to follow Sam who’s already running towards the pool.

We get in and I hold Sam up so he won’t drown.

“What’s that?” he asks and points to my chest.

I don’t even have to look down to know that he means my scars. I wonder why he didn’t ask that earlier already.

“Uhm … these are scars.”

“Why do you have them?”

“Because I got hurt.”

“Okay”

I sigh to myself and keep swimming around, always holding Sam up.

After a few minutes water splashes over us and when I turn around Brendon is grinning at us.

“You can’t have fun without me.” He whines and steals Sam from me.

“Hey!” I laugh and make grabby hands.

“Nah! Mine!”

Sam just starts to laugh.

“Idiot!” I giggle and swim forward to kiss him.

 

*

 

The rest of the day is rather boring. We stay at the pool for a few hours and then decide to walk around a bit. We visit Sam’s cat at the next resort and the boy can’t stop smiling after that.

He named the cat  _‘Kitty’_. We tried to protest but we can’t win against a toddler.

By the time we get back it’s already getting dark and we just hurry to eat something before we head towards our room. I’m not really that tired but whatever.

“Do you think Collin and Tate already want to hang out again?” I ask and Brendon just shrugs.

I’m already lying in bed with Sam while Brendon is still walking around.

“We could call them tomorrow morning.” He says without looking up from the TV remote.

Seems like he’s trying to turn the TV on.

“Yep, we should do that. Now stop fiddling with this thing and lie down.”

“But I want to watch TV.”

“You’re not able to see anything on that tiny screen anyway.”

“True”

He throws the remote on the desk and jumps onto the bed where he starts to squeeze Sam and me to death.

 

*

 

We are up early the next morning so we even have to wait for the canteen to open. When it finally does it’s still too early to call our friends so we don’t hurry with our breakfast.

After that we go outside for a few minutes because the cats here at the resort are always awake this early.

Sam tries to pet them but they just hiss at him and run away. He gets frustrated and keeps chasing them till all of them are gone.

“I want Kitty.” He whines and I pick him up.

“You’ll have Kitty when we’re back home.” I say.

“But I want Kitty now!”

I open my mouth but close it again when Brendon sighs.

“Let’s get to our room to call those idiots. I want to do something fun today.” He says and takes my hand to pull me along.

Back in our room I sit down on the bed and try to explain to Sam why we can’t get Kitty right now.

In the meanwhile, Brendon gets his phone out and stands by the balcony, waiting for someone to pick up.

“Pets aren’t allowed in a hotel room. That’s why Kitty can’t come here with us.” I tell Sam but the pout stays.

“No one has to know. It will be a secret. Kitty will be good!”

I sigh and bury my face in my hands.

“Hey Collin … I wanted to ask if you want to hang out today.” I hear Brendon say.

“Kitty can’t stay here and that’s it.” I say.

“But Daddy!”

“What are you talking about?” Brendon asks into the phone.

I look over to him and his mouth is open like he wants to say something but doesn’t know what.

“Hey, calm down.”

Sam starts to pull on my shirt but I push his hands away carefully.

“Wait” I tell him softly and get up.

Slowly I walk over to Brendon and place a hand on his shoulder. He looks over at me and I see that his eyes are wet.

“What is it?” I ask and he shakes his head and speaks into the phone again.

“Alright … yes of course. I’m so sorry.” He says.

My mind starts to make up scenarios that could be happening, one worse than the other.

When Brendon puts the phone away I look up at him quizzically, scared to know what is going on.

“What happened?” I ask carefully and he reaches out to hold my shoulders.

“Tate is dead.”

My mouth opens in shock.

“What?!” I almost yell and step back. “You’re joking! You have to be joking!”

“I’m not joking. She disappeared yesterday evening and today they found her in the pool, dead.”

I bite my lip and look around frantically.

“So she drowned?” I ask but he shakes his head.

No, please don’t.

“She got shot. Two times.”

I take a shaky breath and bite my lip hard to prevent sobs.

I finally found someone who understands me, a friend, and now she’s dead. I feel Brendon’s eyes on me and turn away, not able to stop the tears from falling. My steps take me backwards till my back hits the wall and I slide to the floor.

“This is no coincidence.” I say and look up at Brendon.

He just watches me with sad eyes but stays silent.

“I want to go home.” I whisper but Brendon says nothing.

I hear Sam squeak in fear but it’s not really getting to me right now.

“I want to go home!” I yell between sobs and Brendon flinches.

I keep looking up at him but my vision is getting blurry so I close my eyes and just keep sobbing.

When I feel arms around me I reach out to wrap mine around Brendon’s neck, hiding my face in his shoulder.

“I know what you think.” He whispers softly. “But even if someone is after you again …”

“Why would someone kill Tate? No normal person would do that, especially here. Of course someone is after us … me.” I sob and his grip tightens.

“Listen, we are going down to the reception and ask for the next flight to Vegas, alright?”

I nod and he pulls me off the floor. When he draws back I look down but his hands reach out to raise my head and wipe the tears away.

“Nothing is going to happen, okay?” he whispers but I start to shake my head.

“Something already happened. Tate is dead. She’s fucking dead and she won’t come back.” I say slowly.

“Yes, but nothing will happen to you. I’m here. It’s not like the last time. This is a hotel. People can’t just walk in and shoot someone.”

“Oh really? That’s just what happened!”

“Ry, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I yell from the top of my lungs.

“D-Daddy?”

I freeze and turn my head to look at the scared boy. Quickly I jump onto the bed and wrap my arms around him.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper and stroke his hair.

“T-Tate is … d-dead?” he stutters and I just nod. “What is happening now?”

“We’ll go home.”

“Why?”

I swallow and lick my lips before I speak again.

“Because I’m scared.”

“Why are you scared?”

“I’m scared that I’ll end up the same.”

“Why?”

I don’t want to answer him. I can’t explain this to a three-year-old.

When he doesn’t ask again I start to rock us back and forth.

“Nothing is going to happen this time.” Brendon says slowly and I look up at him. “I’ll kill everyone who comes near you.”

“As long as you don’t throw yourself in front of me in a stupid try to safe me, I don’t care.”

It’s silent for a while before he whispers “I wish I could just do that.”

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

 

This sucks!

Why can’t we just have a nice honeymoon without complications?!  
I totally understand why Ryan is freaking out and I am too but I just can’t and won’t show it. It won’t help if both of us sit in a corner and freak out.

“Excuse me? Could you help us? We would like to fly back home to Vegas as soon as possible.” I tell the lady behind the reception desk in the lobby.

She stares at me as if I’m crazy and then at Ryan who’s holding Sam.

“Alright, let me see.” She mumbles with a spanish accent.

I nod and wait impatiently while she’s typing something.

“The next flight to Las Vegas, USA would be in three days at six pm.”

“What?!” I spit. “Isn’t there a flight before that?”

“No, this is the next one to Vegas.”

I sigh and turn to look at Ryan. He shrugs and looks away.

“Can you book it for us?” I ask the lady and she nods. “Thanks”

I tell her our names and room number and stuff and then I walk over to where Ryan is standing.

“Three more days.” I whisper and he nods.

I want to tell him that nothing will happen in those three days but I don’t dare. Whoever is after him won’t wait too long and is probably watching us anyway.

When my phone rings I flinch and get it out.

“Hello?”

“Hey Brendon. I’m leaving today.” Collin says.

“Uhm … okay.”

“I wanted to come by before that if that’s okay.”

“No, it’s not a problem at all.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Alright, see you.”

“Whatever”

Then he hangs up and I put the phone away again.

“That was Collin, huh?” Ryan asks and I nod.

“He is leaving today and wants to say goodbye before that.”

“Understandable”

Ten minutes later we are standing in front of the hotel, waiting for Collin. When the red car comes into view we look up. He stops in front of us and gets out.

He looks miserable. His eyes are red and his hair unwashed.

“Hey” he says.

“Hey” Ryan and I say in unison.

“So … uhm … I’m leaving in two hours.”

We just nod and then silence falls over us.

“We are leaving earlier as well. In three days.” I say to break it.

“What? Why?”

I look at Ryan and he nods.

“Well, this is no coincidence, Collin. Whoever killed Tate was after her.”

He looks down and nods.

“I know.”

“That’s why we’re leaving. Because that person is going to be after Ryan next.”

He just keeps staring at the ground.

“Are you okay?”

“No I’m not okay! My girlfriend is dead and I treated her like she’s a burden most of the time!” he bursts out. “I acted like an asshole and now she’s dead … really dead and there’s no chance to get her back this time.”

The next moment he’s crying and I reach forward to hug him briefly.

“I’m so sorry.” I whisper and draw back.

“Thank you guys for … can we just stay in contact?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, thanks. I guess I should leave.”

I smile sadly and we say our goodbyes.

Then he’s gone.

“Poor guy” I say and turn to look at Ryan who’s just staring at the ground. “Ry?”

He shakes his head and walks inside again. I follow quickly and fall into step with him.

“So what are we going to do?” he asks, still not looking up.

“I have no clue. We could just figure out how the TV works and stay in our room if you don’t want to go outside.”

“No, it’s okay. There are people outside … I guess that’s safe.”

I hesitate and bite my lip before I nod.

“So we just go down to the beach or the pool?”

“Beach”

“Okay”

 

*

 

Ryan didn’t talk since then. He’s just sitting in one of the beach chairs and watches Sam who’s playing in the sand in front of us. I sit next to him, trying to read a book but somehow I can’t concentrate.

Ryan is wearing a shirt again, just like the first day here but this time I’m not going to tell him to take it off.

I want to talk to him and tell him that whoever is after him won’t get him but I can’t.

“Papa, can I go into the water?” Sam asks.

“No”

“Why not? I will stay where it’s not too deep. I promise.”

“No”

He pouts and looks down.

“Just go with him.” Ryan says.

My look up quickly, shocked to hear Ryan talk.

“Uhm, if it’s okay with you?”

He nods and draws his knees up to his chest.

“Really?”

“Just go” he whispers.

Okay, I get it. He wants to be alone.

Slowly I get up and lead Sam down to the water but the whole time I keep watching Ryan who doesn’t move.

 

*

 

Ryan is like that for the rest of the day. He doesn’t talk much and keeps staring at nothing in particular.

Even Sam seems to understand what’s going on because he’s very quiet as well.

When we go to bed that evening, Sam falls asleep almost immediately so I decide to steal Ryan again.

I crawl in next to him and watch him for a while. He’s just staring at the bedclothes and ignores me completely.

“Ry, please … stop this.” I whisper and his gaze finally meets mine.

“Stop what?” he asks slowly.

“The way you’re acting. It’s like you’re waiting for your execution.”

He chuckles seriously.

“That’s kind of the point of all this.” He whispers and turns around so I’m facing his back.

I want to say something but I can’t think of the right words so I just move closer and wrap my arms around him protectively.

Hopefully he knows what I want to tell him.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

When I know that Brendon is asleep I turn around in his embrace and start to cry, soaking his shirt.

I try not to sob because I don’t want him to wake up but the tears keep running down my cheeks.

I just want to go home where we have a decent lock on our front door and where I feel safe.

I feel like a mouse running around in an open field, waiting for the hawk to catch me.

I don’t know for how long I just lie there and cry but at some point I stop and just bury my face in Brendon’s soaked shirt.

When I hear footsteps in front of the door I freeze, my eyes wide open.

Dear god, I’m being paranoid. There are other tourists.

I’m about to close my eyes again when I hear a key in the lock. Other tourists don’t do that.

The door opens and I press my face into the material till I can’t breathe anymore. I know that I’m shaking and whoever just entered the room has to notice that.

Footsteps come closer and I close my eyes tightly in a wish to wake up because this has to be a nightmare. The steps get louder and louder and it’s driving me crazy.

Please, just let me wake up.

Then the noise stops and everything is silent but I don’t dare to move. I listen closely but whoever was there seems to be gone again.

Slowly I turn onto my back and let out a cry when someone is standing next to the bed. It’s just a black figure since there’s no light in the room. A loud whimper escapes my lips and I crawl backwards.

“Bren!” I cry way too quiet.

Suddenly the figure jumps forward and something is pressed to my nose and mouth. In a try to free myself I reach out to grab the arms holding me down but they won’t budge. When I can’t hold my breath anymore I inhale and everything is black.

 

*

 

The first thing I notice is that my head hurts like a bitch.

The second thing is that there’s sand in my mouth. I grimace and start to cough while I try to hold myself up but my hands can’t grab onto something solid. That’s when I realize that I’m on the beach.

I hear the waves crash and feel the wind blow around me. Slowly I force my eyes open to see what I already knew. Yes, I’m on the beach, lying in the sand.

Groaning, I sit up and hold my head while looking around. I don’t think I was out too long since it’s still dark outside.

“Finally. I almost thought I already killed you.”

I whirl around at the voice just to be face to face with a gun. My heart seems to stop for a moment as I just stare at the thing in front of my face.

“My face is up here.”

I force my eyes away from the deadly weapon and look up. I know that face and I know that voice. The only thing I don’t recognize is the hair. It’s not black and unwashed like the last time I was faced with this crazy man. It’s white and short and an image flashes through my head.

 

_I round a corner and some guy bumps against my shoulder so I almost fall._

_When I caught myself again I turn to glare at the back of his head. His hair is really short and seems to be white._

 

Fuck.

I open my mouth to say something but no words come out.

“Hello Ryan. Did you miss me?”

My mouth won’t obey me so I stay quiet but that seems to displease him. He raises the hand with the gun and slaps me across the face with it. My head snaps to the side in a fast motion and stays like this for a moment before I turn to look at him again, liking over my bleeding lip.

“Talk to me!” he yells and repeats the motion but I remain silent.

It may not seem like it but I’m scared to death right now. This is so familiar and I feel so helpless all over again.

“Did you really think you got rid of me? They didn’t even send me to prison. I was in a mental clinic till now. All I had to do it to claim I was cured and they let me out.” He whispers menacingly with an evil smirk.

I just keep staring up at him since he’s still pointing the gun at me.

“I guess I should thank you after all. You showed me to another one of those abominations.”

Tate.

Her death is my fault.

All of this is my fault.

“You know, I could just kill you right here, right now, but that would be too easy.” He says and leans forward to whisper into my ear. “I want to see you suffer first. I want revenge for those four years and I will get it before you die.”

“I’ll scream.” I whisper when he draws back. “People will hear it and in no time there will be a crowd.”

His evil grin is back and it’s even wider than before.

“I would think about this again if I were you.” He says and turns his head to look at something.

Slowly I follow his gaze and stop to breathe for a second. Another man steps into view, holding something … or rather someone.

“D-Daddy!”

My eyes widen.

The man lets go and Sam falls to the ground but gets up immediately in a try to run towards me. Before he can do so the man kneels down and grabs the boy’s collar from behind to yank him back.

“N-no! He’s a child!” I whine and look up at Gerard.

Tears make my vision blurry but I try to blink them away.

“Y-you can’t- ”

“Stop talking!”

I flinch and bite my lip to hold the sobs back.

“Yell for help and something bad will happen.” Gerard whispers and points over to the other man again who is holding a large knife to Sam’s throat.

I whimper and try to crawl forward but Gerard kicks my hands away so I fall to the ground again.

“Please, kill me or whatever but let Sam go. He’s a child. He did nothing wrong. This is my fault.” I sob loudly.

“Damn right, this is your fault.” Gerard hisses.

I feel the gun touch my temple but my eyes stay locked with Sam’s scared ones.

“I told you I want to see you suffer. I want you to beg for death.”

I try to ignore him and just stare at Sam through my blurry vision.

“And I know how to reach that goal.”

“W-what?” I whisper.

“We don’t want poor Sammy to get hurt, huh?”

I whimper and close my eyes. Then something collides with my head and I fall into the sand. The last thing I hear before I drift off is Sam yelling for me.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

The first thing I notice when I wake up is that I’m cold. I open one eyes and look next to me to see that I’m alone.

“Huh?”

Sitting up, I scan the room but there’s no one.

“Ry?” I ask and listen carefully but everything is silent. “Sam?”

He would leave me a message, right? He wouldn’t just leave.

Maybe they already left to eat something.

No, the sun is still rising.

What is going on?

Quickly I get up and just stand there in the room for a few minutes. I just don’t know what to do. Should I go look for them or should I wait?

Slowly I get dressed and sit down on the bed again. That’s when I start to worry.

Ryan wouldn’t just leave.

Fuck.

I jump to my feat and grab the key before running out of the door and down to the reception, stopping in front of it to talk to the lady behind the counter.

“Did you see a boy with a child? They- ”

When I hear a noise outside I stop and turn to look. There are a few people standing on the way that leads down to the beach.

Quickly, I run outside and push through the crowd just when I hear the noise again. It’s not just a noise. It’s Ryan.

He’s sitting in the sand on the beach, crying and sobbing and screaming.

I just watch him with my mouth open for a second before I fall down in front of him to hug him close to me.

“Ry, what happened? Where’s Sam?”

He claws at my back harshly and buries his head in my shoulder before he lets out another pained yell, muffled by my shirt.

“Ryan, calm down.”

He pushes me away and crawls backwards, shaking his head.

He’s a mess. Tears are streaming down his face like a waterfall and his sobbing is so violent that he’s barely able to breathe.

“Ryan, where’s Sam?” I ask again.

He claws at his hair and pulls as if he just wants to rip strands out. I reach out and take his hands away but he keeps shaking his head and tries to struggle out of my grip.

“This is my fault. All of this is my fault.” He says between sobs.

“What is your fault?”

“S-Sam … He- ”

There are tears forming in my eyes and I start to get frustrated.

“Ryan, where is Sam?” I ask loudly and grab his shoulder harshly.

“G-Gerard” he whispers.

My mouth falls open.

“What?! Gerard is in prison. What are you even talking about? What happened?”

“N-no. He’s here. He was here last night and he took Sam.” His eyes get unfocused when he repeats those words to himself. “He took Sam.”

 

*

 

We are sitting in the lobby and wait for the police to arrive.

Ryan didn’t talk at all since his fit at the beach. He’s just staring ahead.

I can’t really say that I’m better. Those fucking tears won’t stop running down my cheeks and my mind makes up the worst scenarios.

What if Gerard hurts Sam, mentally and/or physically?

“Why didn’t I wake up?” I whisper to myself.

Ryan doesn’t even stir and continues to stare at nothing in particular.

“Mr. Urie?”  
I look up too see a man wearing a police uniform standing in front of us.

“Yes” I say.

He sits down on the empty couch next to us and watches us expectantly.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

I shrug and look at Ryan who’s still not moving.

“Well … some psycho kidnapped our son.” I hiss quietly.

“I know but can you tell me what happened?”

“Is that really important? You just have to find Sam!” I yell.

He sighs and nods to himself.

“I see you’re still in shock.”

“I’m not in shock! I just don’t get why you’re here, asking us questions while you could be out there searching for my son!”

“Mr. Urie- ”

“He said he wants to see me suffer. I should beg for death.” Ryan whispers out of sudden and I turn to stare at him.

“Ry, this is not your fault.” I tell him carefully but he just shakes his head.

“Brendon, think about it. This really is my fault.”

“It’s not.”

He closes his eyes but doesn’t move other than that.

“Is there something else you should tell me?” the officer asks and I glare at him.

“Alright. I’m going to leave. There are already people looking for your son.” He tells us before he gets up and walks away.

“I know what Gerard wants.” Ryan whispers and I look up at him. “He will let Sam go when I’m dead, I’m sure of that.”

“Ryan, don’t.”

“Think about it. He just wants me dead. This is his revenge for those four years he spent in a mental clinic. He doesn’t want to hurt Sam. He just wants to break me before he kills me.”

“Listen, they will find Sam and lock Gerard away.”

“Do you really think that?”

I open my mouth but no words come out.

“It’s his life or mine and I think we both know which one is more important.”

“You act as if this is the only option.”

“It is.”

 

*

 

Ryan starts to scare me.

We went up to our room and now he’s just lying in bed, staring at the bedclothes.

I mean, I understand it. I feel the same. He’s shocked and worried beyond words but he already lies there for three hours straight.

I was out to get something to eat and he didn’t move at all.

“Ryan, please. Don’t do this to yourself.” I whisper and sit down on the bed.

He just closes his eyes and sobs. This breaks my heart.

“I swear if I ever see Gerard I’m going to kill him and I’m not joking.” I say and stroke his hair. “I don’t care what it takes.”

“I just want Sam.” Ryan sobs.

This is too much.

I bite my lip in a try to prevent the tears from welling up but it’s pointless. Soon I’m crying as well and lied down next to Ryan. He’s crying loudly. I wrap my arms around him in a useless try to soothe him but he just shakes harder.

“I want Sam.” He cries. “I want my baby.”

“I know. I do too.” I whisper and tighten my grip.

Gerard won’t kill Sam but I know that he will hurt him in some way and the longer Sam is with him the more damage will be done.

“Did Gerard give you a hint about his whereabouts?” I ask.

Ryan shakes his head.

“Damnit. Did he say he will come back? Did he say something that could help us?”

“He said he wants to see me suffer before he kills me.”

“So he will come back for you and he just kidnapped Sam to hurt you.”

“Yes”

“I’m going to kill him. If he hurts Sam in any way he will be dead.”

Ryan buries his face in my chest and screams.

“Why is this happening?! He should have kidnapped me! I’d rather feel the pain of distance than this!”

I remain silent and rub his back till he cried himself to sleep.

 

*

 

The next day we just stay in bed. Ryan clings to me and refuses to let go while I hold him.

I never saw him  _this_  broken and a lot of shit happened to him.

I don’t even bother to get food since Ryan won’t eat it anyway. Since I found him on the beach he didn’t eat at all and I really start to worry. I don’t want to lose him as well.

Leaving the room would mean that Ryan is alone and I won’t leave him. I didn’t miss the fear of him hurting himself but it’s back now.

And I don’t like it.

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

 

Two days pass and I still blame myself.

All of this is my fault anyway. Brendon tries to tell me otherwise but I don’t believe him. He tries so hard but I see how much this is getting to him as well.

Two broken people don’t make a fixed one, that’s bullshit.

It’s the second night after what happened and I’m in a creepy state between sleep and being awake.

I don’t hear the footsteps near the door or the person walking in. Well, I do notice it somewhere in the back of my head but I don’t really care.

Someone grabs my arm and places something in my hand. A few seconds later I hear the door close again.

Slowly I open my eyes and look down at my hand. There’s a note in it and I sit up carefully in a try to read it.

 

_Come to the canteen._

_Alone._

 

I read it three times before I get up and walk around the bed, towards the door.

I should be scared, I know that but I’m not. I don’t feel at all.

When I grab the doorknob I turn to look at Brendon who’s still asleep.

 

_Alone._

 

Slowly I open the door and walk out. The hall is dark but I don’t hesitate and just walk along till I reach the lobby. Looking around, I notice that no one is here. Probably because it’s the middle of the night. My feet take me through the lobby and towards the canteen.

For a moment I stop in my tracks to close my eyes tightly.

I don’t know what will happen behind this door but as long as Sam will be safe I don’t care so I push it open.

It’s dark inside, the only light coming from a lamp in a corner but that isn’t doing much since the room is large.

“H-hello?” I ask.

When suddenly one of the ceiling lights is turned on I groan and narrow my eyes.

“Ryan! It’s nice to see you.”

My eyes narrow even more when I see who’s standing right under that light.

“You!” I hiss. “I want you to let Sam go! I suffered enough. Just end it already.”

Gerard raises his eyebrows and eyes me with an unimpressed look.

“You seem to forget that I’m the one in charge here.” He says and raises the gun I didn’t know he’s holding.

“Where is Sam?! If you hurt him- ”

“Shut up!”

I bite my lip to stop myself from talking but my glare stays. Gerard glares back for a while and then turns around.

“Alright, bring the kid.”

My eyes scan the room till another light turns on. Under it stands the other man, grasping Sam tightly. The boy’s eyes are wet and he’s now staring at me with scared eyes.

“Don’t you dare to say a word.” The man hisses to the boy and Sam nods.

Oh god.

There is a blue bruise on Sam’s cheek and I think I see a cut on his arm too.

“Motherfucker!” I yell and jump towards Gerard.

Seems like I got him unprepared because he goes down with me on top of him.

“You fucking hurt him!” I hiss and start to punch his face with my fists.

I just landed a few hits when he grabs my throat and gets up. Frantically I try to loosen his grip but he won’t budge.

“Listen, ghost boy. I don’t fucking care about this little shit. I planned this and you’re not going to ruin it. I’m still the one pointing a gun at you. Be glad I didn’t pull the trigger yet.” He hisses and throws me to the floor.

My head slams into the ground and I groan while I start to cough. When I look up my gaze locks with Sam’s again and he looks so scared and hurt that I want to jump off a bridge.

Then my eyes wander to the man holding Sam and suddenly I know who he is.

“Wait! I know you!” I whisper and crawl backwards. “You were at our wedding.”

Gerard looks over at him quickly before he starts to laugh.

“Yes, I asked him to find out where I can find you. He’s my brother.”

“Mikey” I whisper to myself.

The man, Mikey, looks just as bored and unimpressed as his brother. How didn’t I notice?

“B-but … where’s Frank?”

“He’s still in that mental clinic. He believed all those lies.” Gerard says and rolls his eyes.

My gaze lowers to the floor while I continue to sit there like a beat puppy.

“But let’s stop talking about me. I love to be the point of attention but right now we have important stuff to do.”

I don’t stir and just listen to him.

“You want Sam to be safe, right?”

I nod.

“I promise you to let him go. I will get him up to your room immediately after you did what I want you to do.”

“What do you want me to do?”

I hear rustling and then something falls to the floor in front of me. My hand reaches out towards it but I already know what he wants me to do.

Looking down at it, my eyes start to water.

“Those are sleeping pills.” I whisper.

“Yes, the kind they use in a mental institution. I got them just for you.”

“Just shoot me or whatever.”

“No”

“Please”

When he doesn’t answer I raise my gaze. Through my wet eyes I see his serious expression as he leans down to me.

“I give you two options. One, you take those pills and Sam will be safe. Two, you refuse to do it and I will kill him. Choose.”

“One” I say without thinking.

“Good boy. I’ll get you some water to wash them down.”

Happily, he starts to jump over to one of the tables to grab a bottle of water. My gaze locks with Sam’s once again. He knows what’s going on. I see it in his eyes.

When Gerard throws the bottle down in front of me I look down again.

“Go ahead” he says and I watch him pleadingly.

“Please, don’t make me do this.”

“You chose. Now do it.”

I lick my lips and stare down at the bottle with the deadly pills. My hand reaches out to grab it slowly.

“Come on. Just do it already.”

New tears form in my eyes when I open the small bottle and let a few pills fall into my open palm.

“Ryan, do I have to show you what happens when you go on like that.”

I look up to see Gerard walk over to Mikey and Sam. He grabs a knife lying on one of the tables and reaches for Sam’s arm on what the boy whimpers.

“No! I do it!” I yell and he turns around, grinning.

Quickly, I grab the water and open the bottle. I take a deep breath and push the first pill into my mouth, washing it down with water.

“Go on” Gerard says with an exited hint to his voice.

The next three pills follow quickly. I’m crying and sobbing again but Gerard doesn’t seem to care.

“Come on. Four pills won’t kill you.”

A loud sob escapes me and I pour the last few pills into my mouth and swallow.

“Very good. Now we wait.”

I look up at him.

“Let Sam go, please.” I whisper and he nods towards Mikey whose grip loosens so Sam falls to the floor.

The boy stumbles to his feet again and runs towards me.

“Daddy!” he cries when I wrap my arms around him. “I’m so scared!”

“Don’t be.” I whisper and look up at Gerard again. “You get what you want so promise me you will get him to Brendon.”

“I may be a murderer but I’m not a liar.” He hisses.

I nod and tighten my grip on Sam’s tiny body.

“You have to take care of your Papa, okay?” I sob into his ear.

“We both take care of him.”

“I can’t do it anymore.”

“Why?”

When I start to feel dizzy more tears stream down my face.

“I love you, okay? Never forget that I love you.”

“Are you going to die?”

I draw back and wipe his tears away, nodding.

“No!” the boy whines.

“I’m so sorry but I promise everything will be okay.”

“No! Don’t die!” Sam yells and grabs my shirt. “I love you and Papa loves you.”

“I wish I could stay.”

“Then stay!”

My lips are already numb.

“I can’t.” I whisper. “Just always remember how much your Papa and I love you and don’t forget me.”

He nods and buries his face in my shirt. I start to stroke his hair and with time everything gets a bit quieter.

I’m so tired.

 

*

 

**Brendon’s POV**

I hear something break loudly and sit up in bed in a fast motion.

One of the ugly pictures fell to the floor and broke. Confused I look around and my eyes widen when I notice that I’m alone.

“Fuck! No!” I yell and jump out of the bed.

“You dipshit! Finally.”

I freeze and turn around to see a blurry figure.

“I tried to wake you for at least ten minutes!”

I know that voice.

“T-Tate?” I ask.

“Yes, you idiot. I was murdered for fucks sake. Now get down to the canteen and save your fucking family. It’s exhausting as fuck to stay solid, you know?”  
Something falls down on the bed and when I look closely I see that it’s a gun.

“What? H-how … I don’t understand.”

“I stole that from one of the police officers. Now stop staring at me and get down there!”

I grab the gun and nod.

“And make sure you kill that bastard. I want to leave.”

I nod again and run out of the room and along the hall.

“Canteen” I whisper to myself, running faster.

Running through the lobby, I reach the large doors and try to open them but they won’t budge.

“Damnit!”

They are made of wood. Shouldn’t be a problem to open them.

I retreat a few feet and take a deep breath before I throw myself at the door. It gives in and I fall to the floor, groaning.

When I get up again the scene in front of me punches the air out of my lungs.

Gerard and some other guy (he looks familiar) stand in a corner while Ryan and Sam are sitting on the floor, holding onto each other.

Without thinking I raise the gun towards Gerard and pull the trigger.

Once, twice, three times.

He stares at me with wide eyes before he looks down at himself, three bloody holes covering his chest.

I can’t believe I just did that. I just killed a person.

Gerard falls to the floor and the other guy runs to his side immediately.

“You bastard!” he yells and looks up at me with furious eyes. “You killed him!”

I narrow my eyes and slam the gun against the side of his head to knock him out. Then I step back and look at what I just did. The gun slides out of my hand and falls to the floor.

“Papa!”

I turn around and run towards them, falling to my knees and hugging them.

“Oh my god. Did they hurt you? Are you okay?” I ask Sam and he nods quickly.

“Good” I whisper and look at Ryan.

His eyes are barely open and he looks as if he might fall over any second.

“Ry?”

He tries to look up but his eyelids flutter.

“B-Bren” he whispers and points at something lying on the floor before watching me again. “H-help me.”

Then he falls forward and I catch him.

“Ryan!”

“Oh my god. What happened here?” a voice asks and I look up to see a woman standing in the door.

“Call an ambulance!” I yell and she nods before running off.

Sam crawls over to where Ryan pointed at and picks the items up for me to see.

“Oh no!”

“Daddy said he will die and that I should take care of you.” The boy sobs and I start to shake my head.

“No no no!”

Quickly I grab Ryan’s shoulders and push my fingers down his throat so he starts to cough.

“Puke already!” I yell and after a few tries he throws up.

Sam is still sitting a few feet away from us, crying.

I keep trying to make Ryan puke and he does so two more times.

Then the ambulance arrives.

 

*

 

I’m sitting in the waiting room of the hospital and the sun slowly starts to rise. It was three in the morning when we got here and they told me they had to pump out Ryan’s stomach.

Now it’s almost three hours later and I start to worry again.

A nurse already took care of Sam’s bruises and cuts. There is one bruise on his cheek and another one on his side. Other than that there are several cuts on both of his arms.

He remained silent when I asked him about it and now I’m finally glad that I killed the bastard who did that to him … to both of them.

“Mr. Urie?”

I look up to see a nurse looking at me expectantly.

“Yes”

“Your husband’s condition is stable. You can go see him now if you want.”

“Yes, thank you.”

She smiles and motions for me to follow her. I pick Sam up and follow. She opens a door and I step inside.

“He’s asleep and we don’t know when he’s going to wake up for now. I’m out here if you need something.” The nurse says and then she’s gone.

I put Sam down and grab a chair to place it next to the bed. Ryan looks awful. His skin is so pale he looks like a corpse and there are dark circles around his eyes. Biting my lip, I reach out to move his bangs out of his face and run a hand through his hair.

God, I hate hospitals so much. That stupid heart monitor is driving me crazy.

“Papa?”

I look down to see Sam pouting at me, reaching out his arms. Picking him up, I set him down in my lap but he seems to have other plans. Carefully he crawls over onto the hospital bed and cuddles into Ryan’s side.

“Sam, I don’t think you’re allowed to do this.”

“I don’t care.”  
I smile sadly and look away.

I don’t know what happened but I can imagine a few scenarios. Ryan wouldn’t kill himself.

“Honey, can you tell me what happened?” I ask.

“Uhm … that evil man told Daddy to take those pills.”

“But why did Ryan do it?”

“The evil man said he would … kill me?”

“Oh”

My gaze wanders over to Ryan again.

He just wanted to save Sam and was ready to die for that. God, I want to talk to him so bad.

“He will be okay, right?” Sam asks and I nod.

Then my phone starts to ring and I frown confused. I didn’t even know that I have it with me.

I get it out and pick up.

“Hello?”  
“Brendon! Hey! I just wanted to call to ask how you guys are doing. It’s not like I’m bored or something but maybe I am. So how are you?”

“Taylor, shut up.”

“I tried to be nice!”

“Yes, I appreciate it.”

“You don’t. I wanna talk to Ryan.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible.” I whisper and look over at Ryan.

“Why not?”

“Ty, I’m at the hospital.”

I hear her gasp.

“What?! Die he get hurt? What happened?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Just tell me if he’s okay.”

“He will be.”

“Okay, that’s good.”

“We wanted to come home earlier than planned. The flight would be this evening but I have no idea if we’re going to make it.”

“Uhm okay. Just call me when you know.”

“I will. See you.”  
“Brendon, I want Ryan back in one piece.”

“I love you too.”

With that I hang up.

“But we can’t forget Kitty when we leave!” Sam whines and I smile.

“We won’t forget Kitty.”

“Okay”

 

*

 

Sam and I stayed in Ryan’s room for two hours straight. Well, Sam fell asleep so he didn’t really notice it.

When he woke up I decided to eat something and that’s why we’re in the cafeteria of the hospital right now. The food here is awful but whatever. We both got some cereal since that’s the only decent food here.

“Aw, hello little man.”

I look up so see a rather old lady standing there.

“Huh?” Sam squeaks and looks up at her confused.

“Would you mind if I sit down for a while?” she asks and I shake my head without thinking.

She smiles and takes the chair next to me. I decide to ignore her and look the other way while chewing.

“I’m here because my son broke his leg.” She starts and I have to prevent an annoyed sigh. “Again. He’s already thirty years old and is still as clumsy as a ten-year-old.”

Her laugh sounds kind of creepy.

“Why are you here?”

I grimace but fake a smile when I turn to look at her.

“No, wait. Let me guess.”

She starts to observe me and then looks over at Sam who just watches her with scared eyes.

“Oh, you’re married. I bet you’re here because of your wife, right?”

I open my mouth to speak but she cuts me off.

“Poor thing. What is it? I hope it’s nothing serious.”

“It will be okay.” I say and look away again.

“Aren’t you a bit too young to be married? How old are you?”

“Twenty-two”

“Oh, that’s really young.” She turns to look at Sam. “And how old are you?”

“Almost four” Sam says carefully.

“Oh, how cute. How old was your wife when she- ”

“Listen. I don’t have a wife. I have a husband and I just wait for him to wake up so we can get out of here.” I say harshly and she just stares at me with wide eyes.

“What?”

I roll my eyes and turn away again.

“You are homosexual?” she asks.

“Yes, got a problem with that?”

Her mouth falls open and I narrow my eyes at her.

“And how- ” she starts, pointing at Sam.

“He’s adopted.” I hiss.

“Oh my god. Poor child.”

I stare at her and shake my head.

“I don’t need your opinion about my life.” I hiss and get up.

“This isn’t an opinion. Men shall not lie with men and on top of that they should not have the right to raise a child.”

I round the table and pick Sam up who almost jumps into my arms.

“Why do I always run into homophobes?” I ask myself and walk out of the cafeteria without a look back.

I decide to just go to Ryan’s room again to wait a bit more. Once inside I put Sam down on the bed again and let myself fall into the chair.

“Don’t listen to that bad woman, Papa.”

I smile at him and nod. He smiles as well and cuddles into Ryan’s side.

My gaze rests on Ryan’s face but I force myself to look away again.

“When will he wake up?” Sam asks.

“I don’t know. I just hope it’ll be soon because I want to go home.”

Sam nods into Ryan’s shirt and reaches out with both hands to grab for Ryan’s hand to just hold it.

I watch their joined hands closely and after a few minutes Ryan starts to tighten the grip on Sam’s tiny hands.

“Papa! I think he wakes up!”

I beam and lean forward to watch Ryan’s face just when his eyes open.

“Hey sleeping beauty” I whisper softly.

“Hey”

“I don’t want to scare you but if you ever do that again I have to use the handcuffs.”

He chuckles and closes his eyes again.

“Is Gerard dead?” he whispers.

“Yes, I killed him.”

“Thank you”

“You’re welcome. Do you think we can fly home today?”

“Yes please”

“I’ll talk to the doctor.”

He nods and I get up and walk to the door.

“Oh I forgot something.” I laugh and run over to the bed again and kiss him. “I love you”

A tired smile appears on his face that melts my insides.

“I love you too”

 

*

 

**Ryan’s POV**

Somehow Brendon managed to convince the doctor to let me out today but just if I go see a doctor immediately after we arrive in Vegas.

We left the hospital an hour after that and since then I already told Brendon everything. He started to cry halfway through it but I just went on. Then he hugged me and apologized. I don’t know what for but I remained silent.

We took a taxi to get our stuff from the hotel and half an hour later we packed everything and went to get Sam’s cat.

We were a bit worried because we had no transport box for her but the taxi driver told us that those could be bought at the airport.

That’s where we are now. Brendon carries all our stuff and since I’m still not that confident on my feet, Sam has to walk on his own, holding Kitty.

“Make sure she won’t run away. Could be difficult to catch a tiny cat in an airport.” I told him before we walked inside but he just pouted and ran inside.

“Do you think they have transport boxes in that shop?” Brendon asks, pointing over to one of the shops.

“Maybe” I shrug.

“Alright, how are we going to do this? One of us has to stay with our stuff.”

“Sam and I go inside and buy that thing and you wait here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Do you want me to wait with our stuff?”

“No”

“You see? Don’t worry.” I say and kiss him on the cheek.

The smile he shows me is forced but I leave it and motion for Sam to follow me.

Once inside the shop I look around for five minutes before I decide that I have no idea where those stupid things are supposed to be so I walk over to the cash register to ask.

“Uhm, excuse me? Do you have transport boxes for pets?”

The guy looks up at me and grins.

“Of course. Let me show you.”

“Thanks”

He gets up and walks through the store, stopping in the corner.

“I have to admit they are hard to find.” He says with a smile.

“Yes” I say and look around, searching for Sam.

“So what is it that you need that box for?”

“A cat”

“Oh, cute”

“Sam?” I ask loudly and sigh relieved when I hear his toddling footsteps come closer.

“Did you find a box for Kitty?” the boy asks and I nod.

“Is it okay if we get her inside already?” I ask and the guy nods while his gaze stays on Sam.

I crouch down and help Sam to get the cat inside the box. When I try to heave it up I start to feel a bit dizzy and almost fall over.

“Careful, let me help you.” The guy says and grabs the box. “I’ll carry it to the cash register for you.”

“Thanks” I breathe out and get up again, taking Sam’s hand.

“Where are you from?” the guy asks when I’m looking for my money.

I look up at him and look for a mischievous grin or whatever it is that always gives those guys away.

“Vegas” I answer eventually.

“Oh, Sin City”

“Yes”

“And is this your little brother or- ” he asks, motioning towards Sam who just glares at his hand.

“Hurry up,  _Daddy_! Papa is waiting for us!” the boy whines.

I look down at him to see an evil smile on his face. That kid is kind of awesome.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” The guy says and hands me my change. “Have a nice flight.”

“Thank you” I say and pull the box over to the edge of the counter, looking for Brendon in the crowd.

“Sweetie, can you get Brendon for me?” I ask and Sam salutes and runs off, disappearing in the mass of people.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t know- “ the guy babbles and I shoot him a look.

“Leave it. You’re probably the nicest guy who wanted to hit on me I ever met. Usually they get right to the point.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s very intelligent.”

“Exactly. And you’re even nice enough to stop when you know I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, calling me your boyfriend, huh?”

I look up and see Brendon and Sam walk towards me.

“Sorry. I wanted to say  _husband_.” I laugh.

“Do I have to hurt someone?” he asks and I shake my head.

He raises an eyebrow and looks over to the guy who just smiles.

“I’m not a threat.” He laughs. “You’re lucky.”

“I know.” Brendon says and grabs my hand.

“No offense, but you have to carry that box.” I laugh and push his hand away.

He rolls his eyes and grabs the box.

“Careful! We don’t want Kitty to get sick!” Sam yells and runs over to look inside the box. “She’s okay.”

“We should get going. Our flight goes in fifteen minutes.” Brendon says and I nod. “Nice to meet you.”

The guy smiles and taps his watch.

“Yeah, right. Come on. I want to go home!” I say and pull Brendon away and soon we’re on our way to the plane that will get us home.

 

*

 

I slept through the whole flight but I’m still tired when I wake up.

“I swear I’ll sleep forever when we get home.” I say when we leave the plane.

“No, you won’t. I’ll wake you.” Brendon says way too serious.

I decide to remain silent.

To my surprise our stuff already arrives after five minutes so we can leave that part of the airport. Just when we walk through the door leading into the main part of the airport, I hear people call our names and then someone tackles me so I almost fall.

“Ry! Oh my god! Are you okay? You can’t even live through your honeymoon without almost dying.”

“Sorry, old habits die hard.” I laugh and Taylor draws back.

“Don’t joke about it!”

“Okay, okay”

She rolls her eyes and crouches down to greet Sam.

“How are you, Sammy?”

“I have a Kitty! Do you wanna see it?”

“A cat? Awesome! Show me!”

I smile down at them.

“You! Why are you always trying to die?”

I look up to see William and Gabe walking towards me.

“Sorry?”

William narrows his eyes and seconds later they are hugging me.

“Idiot!” Gabe says and squeezes harder.

“Ouch”

“Let go! You’re killing him.” Will laughs and they let go.

“And now I’m going to greet Sammy!” Gabe laughs and kneels down.

“Oh no!” Sam yells and tries to hide behind me but Gabe already grabbed him and heaves him up to squeeze him.

“Oh and we have a surprise for you.” Taylor says and turns to look at something.

“Oh” Brendon says when he sees who’s walking towards us.

“Jon” I greet when he’s standing in front of us with his head down.

“Hey” he whispers.

“What are you doing here?” Brendon asks harshly and Jon flinches.

“I just wanted to congratulate you guys.”

“Thanks” I say, not sure how to act around him.

“And I’m sorry.”

“We already had that.” Brendon hisses.

“I know but this is still my fault.”

“Yes, it is.”

Jon nods to himself and makes to turn away.

“Wait” I say and Jon looks up at me. “I know it’s your fault that Gerard even started to chase after me but you couldn’t know that. Thanks to you a lot of shit happened to me but that’s over now. He’s dead.”

Jon’s eyes widen.

“Brendon shot him.”

No one dares to say something so I decide to go on.

“It’s not fair to blame you for everything. You were with us right from the beginning after all.”

“So does that mean you don’t hate me anymore?”

“I never hated you.”

“That’s good to know.” He whispers with a small smile. “Am I allowed to hang out with you guys again?”

I shrug and look up at Brendon who’s still glaring at Jon. When my elbow collides with his side his expression loosens and he nods.

The others chime in quickly.

“So you’re Sam, huh?” Jon asks the kid who’s still caught in Gabe’s grip.

“Uh huh. And you are the bad guy Jon?”

Jon grimaces and nods.

“You don’t look too bad.”

Jon just smiles and turns towards us again.

“Are we leaving or what? I’m hungry.”

 

*

 

At first we drove to the hospital because Brendon insisted that I should see a doctor before we do something. This doctor told me the same stuff as the last one. I should rest and take it slow.

“You heard it boys. No sex for a week.” Taylor laughs when we arrive at our apartment after that.

Brendon and I ignore her and everyone gets out of the car. Gabe still refuses to let Sam go and the kid is on the edge of tears.

“Gabe, seriously. Let the poor child go.” William says and after a few minutes Gabe finally puts Sam down.

The boy runs over to me immediately.

“I’m keeping an eye on you.” I tell Gabe with narrowed eyes but he just smiles.

Jon and Taylor help with our stuff and after ten minutes we got everything up to our apartment.

Brendon helps Sam to free Kitty and the cat slowly creeps out of the box, sniffling around. Sam laughs and takes a step towards her but she meows and runs away.

“Oh my god. Finally!” I yell and fall down on the couch. “I will never leave this apartment ever again!”  
“You will. Sam wants his ice cream at some point.” Brendon laughs.

“Uh huh!” Sam squeaks.

“Guys! Focus! I want to know what happened.” Taylor says and sits down on the other couch.

“Well …”

Fifteen minutes later we told them everything and no one says a word.

“Wow” Jon says to break the silence. “This sucks.”

“Yep” I whisper and bring my knees up to my chest.

“This guy, what was his name again?” Taylor asks.

“Collin”

“Yep. Is he okay? Do you know where he lives? Maybe you should invite him sometime. He has to be miserable.”

“Ty, do you want to hit on him?” Brendon laughs.

“No, what are you thinking? God, I’m just saying. He’s all alone now. I mean, his girlfriend died.”

I bury my face in my knees in a try to block them out.

They keep talking for a while till Brendon finally tells them to leave it.

“Guys, please. This isn’t the best thing to talk about right now.”

They remain silent till Will and Gabe get up.

“Well, I think we should get going. It’s getting late.” Will says. “Jon, wanna come with?”

“Yes”

“Awesome. See you guys.”

Then they are gone and I finally look up again.

“Ry, this isn’t your fault.” Taylor whispers but I just look away.

“Why do you tend to make everything your fault?”

“Because it is, Taylor. Tate would still be alive.”

She opens her mouth but closes it again.

“To be honest, I think it’s better like this.” Brendon mumbles thoughtfully and I look at him as if he’s crazy. “I mean it. She wasn’t happy with Collin, you know that. Maybe this is better.”

“Maybe”

Brendon’s gaze rests on me for a while and then lowers to rest on Sam who’s lying on the couch next to me, asleep.

“We should sleep as well. The doctor told you to rest.”

I nod and get up. Brendon picks Sam up and we say goodnight to Taylor before we head towards the bedroom.

We change into our pyjamas quickly and lie down with Sam between us.

“Ry, I know you’re not able to forget all of this anytime soon but someday you have to leave it behind.” Brendon whispers and reaches out to caress my cheek.

“I know.”

“I just … it’s over. All of this is finally over. Gerard is dead and Mikey goes to jail.”

I just nod and say nothing.

“You have a family to focus on.” He whispers. “ _We_  have a family to focus on.”

I nod again and close my eyes with a sigh.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I just wish I could forget all of this. Everything. The mansion, my dad, Gerard … but I can’t. I have to get over it somehow.”

“But you don’t have to do it alone.”

“I know. I think I wouldn’t be able to do this alone.”

I smile sadly and open my eyes again.

“Bren? Did you ever think about what would be if you wouldn’t have freed me back then?”

He watches me for a while before he answers.

“No and I don’t want to think about it. I wouldn’t have Sam and you then.”

I remain silent and stare at the bedclothes.

“Someday I want to go there again.” I whisper.

“What?! Where? The mansion.”

“Uh huh”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“W-why?”  
“Not to die. Just … to be there one more time.”

Brendon narrows his eyes thoughtfully and then nods.

When Sam stirs between us we both look down at him.

“Do you wanna know why I’m sure that we’re the right family for him?” Brendon asks.

“Why?”

“Because you were ready to die for him.”

I say nothing and cuddle closer to both of them.

“I love you, Ryan.”

I look up and Brendon is smiling at me in awe.

“I love you too.”


End file.
